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Hi Cyd,
Over the past couple years, did you date or have a girlfriend?
My guess is that when you go on some dates, she will see you differently. Also, you MAY have fun going out and doing things.
Ladies please weigh in on this…. If she does not notice your newfound activities I’d be surprised, so she MAY be puzzling. If down the road she starts treating you like she is interested, you MAY explore that with her. But, a reframing would put your focus not on releasing her as much as going ahead just on new experiences and to have fun.
Big blue
PS: part of me says to rent out a baseball stadium sign and say “Zelda – You are by far the groovy-est chick in the ballpark!” But I’d wait until she shows interest.
“I wonder who my butt would dial if it had a choice.” Awesome! I think this is a perfect book title lol.
Yeah I am not prowling either. My friend asked me for the drink. Law of attraction?
Logically a dating site makes sense – to put out some qualifiers. Probably because I don’t prowl, but just lay in the grass with an occasional scratching, that does not fit me, either. Upon reflection, I am happy with myself, and with others.
It is a challenge to describe because you don’t want to say making friends for two reasons: 1) the other networker may not become a friend, and 2) you may find out that you want to be more than friends, so having that label can be restrictive. So, networking seems sensible, although that sounds a bit professional. And here I reach a strength-weakness: empathy/analysis/fixing.
I do not have any long-distance peeps – let’s just say peeps. What is that like?
Hi Matt,
I went through a surprising and painful end to my long marriage, so I feel for what you are going through. It can be very difficult, so I am going to give you some guidelines. Communication with your wife is key. Show her you love her, don’t just tell her.
– Tell yourself the truth which is that you are worthwhile as Matt no matter what is happening in the world around you.
– Acknowledge that life includes pain and tough times – this is a major one for you. You are not alone, trouble happens to good people like you and your wife every day.
– Talk in detail with a counselor and one or two close friends. It’s better than talking about this with many people in your life.
– Pay close attention to your wife, but dial it back if you are being clingy.
– Keep up your self care – eating, sleeping, exercising….
– Keep your kids out of this if you can, even though they know some things already.
– No one will be better off with you dead, so if this comes as more than a passing thought, call your counselor.
Others here can weigh in on these and other ideas from experience.
Hang in there!
Big blue
Hi Matt,
While this really aweful news will understandably put you back on your heels, I agree with the advice above – to be assertive now. She’s your wife, it’s your marriage, family and all. However, resist getting out of hand emotionally which could happen.
Here’s to everything getting better for you!
Big blue
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 