I am sorry I ever started this post. It was wrong of me. It was my ego speaking.

I again received energies into my body yesterday (supermoon?) and they left me feeling quite ill. My ego self reacted very badly and became very angry. I’ll be honest, my ego seems to despise God. Perhaps I have been punished with ill-health all my life because I rebelled in another realm. Who knows?

I came across the Lamentations of Jeremiah this morning. Some things struck a chord with me. He says: “From on high he sent fire; into my bones he made it descend; [] he has left me stunned, faint all the day long”. This was a perfect description of what occurred yesterday. I was burning inside, and nothing would touch it. I drank lots of milk to try to quench the burning, but to no avail. I felt very weak and faint and I had to go and lie down. One thing that does concern me is that the energies seem to be damaging my eyesight.

So at times I tend to lash out on this forum. If I didn’t vent on here, I would vent at my family, and then the whole thing would come out and they would become angry or frightened. It might do irreversible damage to family relations. And I don’t know why it’s happened to me, and I think it is best contained within the confines of an enclosed order, because they have the support structure in place. Because as Jeremiah laments, God doesn’t really help. He throws you in the deep end and you have to learn to swim! I bet there are lots of people who have gone through this and have simply ended their own lives, because it is basically PTSD x 100! I have gained incredible knowledge though, and I find that part utterly fascinating, being a ‘bookish’ type.

I am very sorry for my rant.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser.

I wish to apologise to everyone for my appalling behaviour of late. I gave my Ego free rein, but my Ego isn’t me. I am not like that.

I realise that for all this time I have been externalising and demanding validation from something outside of me. That is the fault of doctrinal head religion, and it is a mindset that is difficult to overcome. I have ran into my ‘Real Self’ on occasion, and he is radically different from the tantrum-throwing child that has been inhabiting this forum of late. For me, it seems that religion got in the way and made this process ten times harder than it should have been. I found it hard to square this particular circle and it messed my head up which boiled over into anger at times. God was showing me that ‘It’ is in everything, but religion was telling me the opposite.

I have discovered that there are many paths.

Once again, I sincerely apologise, and I thank you all for trying to help me.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser.

Peter, what is happening to me is external. I have energies coming into my head. Last night, a really heavy wave of energy entered my head and it caused my computer to click noisily. (This happens quite regularly).The computer was turned off and the power socket was switched off at the wall. I don’t know what the energy is for, I only know that sometimes it moves down my spine and exits via the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet. Sometimes I have to take my footwear off because the energy gets blocked in some way by it, which can be uncomfortable. An unfortunate side effect of the energy is that its potency appears to be damaging my eyesight. When the energy enters me, it forms a kind of cap on my head. Although I cannot see this ‘cap’, it’s shape feels conical, like the caps depicted in ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics. I know this sounds like some weird Quatermass sci-fi shit, but the plain truth is, our species didn’t just get here by a random event, it was placed here.

Having this energy inside me also causes me to interfere with lighting from time to time.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

I say, ‘fuck all Gods’. They are all in it for themselves. We are nothing to them. We were never anything different. I don’t need to learn any lessons or follow paths. Everyone has a false impression of Jesus H Fucking Christ. He’s just like the rest of them, out for what THEY can get, fighting with each other whilst Earth goes to the dogs. We were nothing but a fucking experiment. I end my stint on the spiritual wheel of torment RIGHT now.

That quote of Campbell’s you used is utter bollocks. My life is fucked. My health is rapidly deteriorating, I have creeping osteoporosis and worsening bone pain, and I am about to face serious poverty in the year to come as Britain declares all out war on the sick and disabled. No fucking God or shitty spiritual path is going to spare me from that, so fuck them all. If you have got any sense you won’t waste your life on this shit.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

Well I certainly do not equate the Bible with spirituality in any way, shape or form. I used to do so, but not anymore. It may surprise you to learn that I still attend church, but I only do this out of respect to my parents. Unfortunately, the Bible has an uncanny knack of getting under my skin to really irritate me, so I intend to ditch church in the New Year because I just can’t take the shit anymore. As you say, I am at the point of rejecting it all because I can’t get past the words. I heard the Parable of the Talents in church the other day. What a thoroughly appalling Bible passage that truly is. What a Capitalist’s dream it represents. It’s easy to see where the Victorians got their ideas of the ‘Undeserving Poor’ from. They got it from the supposed ‘saviour of the world’; Jesus Christ Himself. Of course, the Biblical Jesus is a completely fictional character designed to prop up man-made power structures. If we had listened to this ‘man of the establishment’  here in Britain, we would still have Thatcher’s hated Poll Tax. For me, the Bible has become toxic and something to avoid. I cannot equate it with spirituality (or indeed justice and fairness) in any way.

And then I think of my younger days before I got involved with religion. I was a MUCH happier person then. Looking back on my younger days is like viewing a world of happiness and colour.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser