For the last time, there is no-one to talk to about this. I can’t talk to my family about it because they can’t get their heads around it, and I have tried talking to a priest about it and he was useless. What’s left? A shrink?

I feel like an alien in this world. I am surrounded by people who are more interested in viewing what’s on their mobile phones than having deep conversations, so I just stare into the distance and daydream. No one is on my wavelength, so I have taken to creating my own world instead to stop me getting depressed or going insane. What is really pissing me off is that I am stuck in a kind of limbo. I just want to leave this Earth. I am a fish out of water. That is why I view this ‘awakening’ as cruel.

What is the point of this isolation? It’s certainly not designed to make me happy. I can’t see the point of it, because if it does enter the mainstream, the greedy capitalist bastards will make a killing out of it, and the likes of us will STILL be isolated. It doesn’t make sense to me and it is having NO effect on my family. They are still the same as ever: pre-occupied with triviality and entertainment, gossiping about others and generally unconscious. So you tell me what the point of all this is. We can’t speak about it, for people will think we’re insane and try to have us medicated or sectioned. Stop posting telephone numbers and tell me what on earth this is all for. Do you know how many times I have considered suicide since this all started? Where’s the good in that? TELL ME!!!

Best wishes,

Tannhauser.

Thanks Anita,

I think eight talks a lot of crap and I am not prepared to entertain it anymore. If we wish to fit in with our families and friends we have to do and think what is acceptable or they will reject us. I discovered this the hard way. I saw how vicious my parents were towards me when I told my ‘truth’ to them. It was just completely unacceptable to them. I don’t know what is REALLY happening to me, but I do know that spiritual awakening, God, the fucking afterlife, Kundalini, my ‘True Self’ and all the rest of the shit are going into a padlocked mental metal box marked ‘Toxic’ and they aren’t coming out again. I refuse to deal with it anymore. I have a LIFE!! And I have to live with other people.

Atheism is the best position to take, and it easily answers most of the questions I have asked myself about the state of this world.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

Anita, I agree with everything you have said. I think all we can do in this life is be kind to each other and make the best of it. Our curse is that our brains are over-evolved and as a result we think too much. I have come to realise that searching for meaning/God is utterly futile. My advice is don’t do it if you want to be happy, because this search will isolate and depress you. We are social creatures, and family groups can only function properly when everyone pulls together, as with packs in the wild. Religion/spirituality often suggests doing the exact opposite and going against our nature.  Such things do not make happy, contented human beings.

I thought I was having a ‘spiritual awakening’, yet I never once heard the voice of God or received any kind of communication from Him/It. In the end, it can all be put down to a malfunctioning brain brought on by severe trauma. In the end, there is only the Universe. Religionists can dress it up how they like. They can say that pain is for a purpose. Or they can trot out Adam and Eve/Pandora’s Box again. But in the end, the simplest answer is usually the correct one: there is no God.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

[quote] “I also believe very strongly that this Spirit misses me in another realm. These songs that enter my head all have a theme of separation running through them. Of two people being worlds apart. I get the occasional brief feeling of a beautiful land I may have once inhabited. It is the merest flicker of recollection, but it is a feeling of utter happiness and peace, tinged with excitement.  If I had to put an image to such a feeling, it would probably be the peculiarly ethereal art of classical Greek landscape” [/quote]

That was a load of shit. I am mentally ill, and my tactile hallucinations are driving me up the wall. The truth is I am a dirty little bastard. I wondered what all the little white spots were on my bedroom floor. I wondered for quite a while, until I realized that they were semen stains that had dropped from me on the way to the toilet after my nocturnal sessions. This habit is destroying me and is ruining my eyesight.

[quote]“but I do know that Lord Christ is nothing like these people paint Him as. He is the most humblest and gentlest being in the Universe. And He does care about us and what we have to go through, yet we still have to go through it. Perhaps it’s necessary”[/quote]

More shit. I don’t know this Christ character and I have never been able to connect with him, despite all my prayers. Why did I say these things? Why did I believe I was experiencing something spiritual when in reality it is mental illness?

[quote]“There might be many who cares for us up there but to what degree?![/quote]

They (or It) doesn’t care for us. That is plainly evident. An all-seeing God all-knowing God would have surely stepped in at the creation of the atomic bomb, but It didn’t. It could have avoided the resulting global proliferation of nuclear weapons and the current crisis in North Korea, but It didn’t. Well, we have crossed the Rubicon/let the cat out of the bag/ closed the stable door after the horse has bolted etc. and now it’s too late. World War 3 is inevitable, it’s just a matter of time.

Tannhauser

I have finally come to understand, after much study and thought, that the being or spirit which is with me is my Holy Guardian Angel. In enclosed orders and monastic communities, angels have been known to console and comfort monks suffering from what St Bernard of Clairvaulx calls ‘spiritual sadness’. I have been under a prolonged attack from the Devil.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

Hello eight,

I haven’t had a strong connection with anyone I am no longer in contact with. The only explanation that anyone gave me is that these experiences involve someone I knew in a past life. That I did some things in a past life that I am ashamed of, and that this person/spirit has now followed me into this life to have a ‘carnal relationship’ with me (ugh!). The experiences I have had seem to form a very strong connection to ancient Rome, and I have had the weird sensation of feeling drunk after consuming the communion wafer at church. Then there’s the love songs that get planted in my head from time to time, and their contents seem to bear out your suggestion that I had a connection to someone who is perhaps missing me in another dimension. (I am not really into love songs. They aren’t my cup of tea.)

The worst thing though is the cracks that keep appearing in my reality. They are terrifying. I have asked with my own voice to show me who this is but nothing ever happens. ‘It’ remains silent.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

Eight, with respect, it won’t pass. I have been going through this for four years now. I am sick of the ‘tactile hallucinations’ (which are of the sexual variety). I don’t know what to think or believe, but I know it is not mental illness I am going through. I am now beginning to wonder if on the one hand the previous owner of my kidney was into weird sexual stuff, or on the other that perhaps I am being plagued by spirits. All I really know is that I am thoroughly fed up with it.

You say it’s all a part of the process, that all the nasty things are coming up. I don’t agree. This is something else.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser