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Thomas168ParticipantWhile reading your opening post, I found myself thinking about my life as well. Presently no close friends. Only my wife and daughter tolerate living with me. I have had best friends that later in life turned out to be nothing more than acquaintances. One such friend, who I contacted after years of not hearing from, put out word to his friends that those who wish to stay in contact with him to let him know. Well, I did, and he shut me out. Changed his phone number. Dropped/Closed his Facebook. Basically hid himself from me. Well, it shows what kind of person he is. I have another friend who moved away. Went to a different school. We use to play basketball in the park as kids. I was never any good and we almost always lost because of me. He wasn’t happy about that. Well, after years, he found me on Facebook. Reached out to me. And said that I changed his life for the better. As kids, we went to the boys club of america. There they had tests for scholarships. I took the tests and insisted he also take the tests. He did well and got into a good school (moved away) where he met his high school sweetheart and married her. Guess he is happy. He said he wouldn’t have taken those tests if I had not insisted. He found me and thanked me. I told him that was all his own choice. Never thought he would come to find me. Goes to show that sometimes there are bad people and sometimes there are good people. Some only think about themselves and others care about their friends. Sorry, didn’t mean to make this about me. But, I did. Sorry. My only words of advice is to keep trying. Never know what you will find. Best wishes.
Thomas168ParticipantIt is really good to hear from you. Was worried you wouldn’t come back and let us know how you were doing.
It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation. Being really dependent upon your mom, you feel you have no choices but to follow the whims of your mom. Also, that your wishes are not being heard and you are feeling dismissed. I do not know what to say to help you protect yourself from such situations. But, my hopes and best wishes are with you.
Thomas168ParticipantThis one really isn’t a story but a recounting of something that was read a long time ago. Don’t know if it is true or not.
There was a meeting of a Zen Master and the Emperor.
The Emperor asked, “What happens to a man of enlightenment after death?”
The Zen Master replies, “How should I know?”
The Emperor answers, “Because you are a Zen Master.”
The Zen Master replies, “Yes, I am. But not a dead one”My understanding of the Dharma is that it is not a bunch of rules to be adhered to but rather lessons to be learned and then applied. Wisdom is not the collection of knowledge and thoughts. But rather the cutting thru all the stuff that makes us suffer. So, the practice of just sitting with the mind quiet and still. Distractions come from the thinking mind. If your mind is still, they aren’t there by definition. The stillness is the deeper reality of these experiences – the thing that is ALWAYS there when the mind is allowed to stop.
Sorry, just got a bit stupid there. My brains doesn’t know when to stop. Excuse me please.Thomas168ParticipantHello
I would like to thank you all for contributing your replies and understanding. It really gives me pause to think more about this simple story.
Thomas168ParticipantHello Kane,
That is a great statement. Saying you love learning. I have found that the way to learn is to suspend one’s own beliefs and take on what is being presented by others. Take it in and digest it. Roll it around and play with it. Then apply your own knowledge to what is presented. Do they work together? Is it something that would help you? If not then move away from it. Try not to dismiss the person due to the things being said. Time to move forward.
It is good to hear that you are so much better now. Whatever the transformation, it seems that you are happier. And usually that is as much as we can expect from life. (For others, they may leave a legacy of sorts. Extreme wealth like the Rockefellers. Or extreme intelligence like Einstein or Newton. Or enduring companies like Microsoft or IBM or Samsung.) There are people who search for things and reasons. Some are religious. Some are not. Some becomes sages and Buddhas. Most are just regular people. So, for me, a little happiness.
My purpose or goal in life? I guess that would be just sitting and finding that perfect stillness or emptiness. Finding I am not separate from the world. Being consciousness and awake. It isn’t a lofty goal like opening a hospital or school. And some might find it downright selfish. But, if I don’t take care of myself then who will?
Thomas168ParticipantThanks Peter for the post.
Found it very full of imagery
Not sure of the thing making the shadows being chased by dawn.
Still very nice.Thomas168ParticipantIt doesn’t matter what kind of relationship one has with relatives. It is important to have a space that one calls one’s own. It is tough enough to share the space with your spouse. Throw other relatives into the mix and it becomes a circus. That is only my personal opinion. I do not know your complete situation and would not give advice. I wish you well.
Thomas168ParticipantLong distance relationships and meeting online, … this can bring many things into play. One is the idea of another person being in this relationship. This turns into fantasy and how much they are in love. While the other person only sees it as a beginning of a relationship. It is not unusual for people to be on two different frequencies. Communications is difficult and not everything is said that needs to be said. Lots can be said for body language communicating desires and other information. so, fear of commitment?
My boss went to the Philippines for a two week vacation. He hooked up with a nice young girl. But told her out right that this was just a fling. At the end of the two weeks, she was in his hotel room sobbing and saying they should be together. He just got thru a messy divorce and wasn’t going to go thru that again. So, even with good communications, things don’t always work out. so, fear of commitment?
Maybe just not what you had in mind from the beginning? But then why start this relationship if you aren’t willing to go further? Is it fear of getting hurt? Well who knows for sure.
For me, I was vacationing when I met my wife. Was introduced by her aunt. Right away I told her I liked her looks and wanted to see if there was a chance for me. After the vacation was over, I wrote to her everyday. At the end of the year, I would find time to visit her for a month. This went on for a couple of years. Finally married her and she moved to the USA. Been married since Nov. 8th 1996. It has been a rollercoaster ride. Ups and downs. But, I think I am happy. And so, I wish you happiness in your LDR.
Thomas168ParticipantHi Anita,
Sorry, that was the, whole story. It was just to show what some value more. What would be the wisdom in this story?
Make a choice between being in love and being a monk? Monks are not suppose to have romantic entanglements.
Was it love or just desire. Seeing a pretty girl and having the desire to have the girl?
Was it truly love if one needs to hide it from others?
I believe that nothing good grows in the dark except for mushrooms??Thomas168ParticipantJust looking at the opening posts, it is not unusual for people to become bored or unsatisfied with whatever they have at the present moment. This wanting something then achieving it brings with it over time a sense of dissatisfaction. Then something new must come along to bring want and desire. Then to achieve that would bring its own sense of dissatisfaction over time. Much like wanting a new car. Once you get it, it is exciting then over time it becomes unsatisfactory. Not that there is really something wrong with the car. The owner now needs something new to bring the excitement back. That is the human condition. It is hard to be content. If one looks at personal relationships as an object like a car then people become disposable. Not very good for society as a whole. So comes marriage and vows. Statistically, women become dissatisfied easily with marriage and initiate divorce 80% of the time. This is not blame. Just information. What you do with it is up to you.
Thomas168ParticipantNot sure if I need to preface this story. But, just in case not everyone knows the conditions of studying under a Zen master, there is the shaving of the head as a symbol of letting go of normal life and its ties. No sex, no drugs, no alcohol allowed.
So, in this place, there were twenty something monks and one nun studying under a Zen master. The nun was very pretty even with a shaved head. And though dressed in plain monks clothes, she had many monks secretly fall in love with her. One such monk wrote her a letter insisting on a secret meeting. She did not reply. The next day the Zen master gave a lecture to the group. When it was over, she stood up and said out loud to the one who had written to her, “If you really love me so much, come and embrace me now.”
So, if the monk were to show his love for her then he would have been expelled from the group. Usually, I do not like to comment on the story. But, figured it needed to be surrounded by the caution that is felt by the monk.
Can’t say that I would have been a monk though. Personally, I believe in loving openly. That is how I met my met my wife. I honestly showed how I felt from the beginning. And it turned out good. Well at least I think so. I will have to ask my wife if it turned out ok.
January 2, 2026 at 7:18 pm in reply to: Family and Friends Seem to Want Nothing to Do With Me Anymore #453757Thomas168ParticipantSorry, don’t mean to say get a life. More like, it is time to concentrate on you and your life. Wanting others to see you the way you do is almost always a disappointment. I like to think highly of myself even though I am not so great. Helps me to sleep at night. LOL. So remember that it is time to focus on you and those around you.
Thomas168ParticipantThat leads me to think about another story which I think most people know about.
The westerner has asked to meet a Zen master to ask about Zen Buddhism.
The Zen master agrees to a meeting.
When the westerner arrives at the Zen master place. He is greeted by the Zen master.
And asked him to sit down. Then he begins to pour tea into the cup in front of the westerner.
The cup becomes full and then start to over flow the cup.
The westerner says the cup is full no more will go in.
The Zen master then says that the westerner’s mind is like the teacup.
It is full (of preconceived ideas) so no more will go in.Simply that Zen is usually straight forward with its wisdom.
It punches thru nonsense.
If one’s mind is full of something then how can one learn?
Traveling monk mind and disciple mind are full.
Sorry, for me, everything is a learning experience.I am so glad you enjoyed the story.
I hope you share it with others and it brings a smile or two.January 1, 2026 at 6:08 pm in reply to: Family and Friends Seem to Want Nothing to Do With Me Anymore #453717Thomas168ParticipantI would like to say that each person have their own life to live. Relatives aren’t the first thing on their minds. And relationships do depend on how close one feels to the other. I mean I care for my brother but he doesn’t feel the same. That is okay. He has his life to live with his family and work and social etc. We don’t live in the same city. But, I try to reach out. And many times he is busy and doesn’t reply. Just got to realize you aren’t in their face so they can ignore you if they want. Even though you would never do the same to them?? Parents favor one child more than the other? Is it natural? Yes. Does it hurt to feel this way? Yes. But, we are grown ups. Moved out and moved away. Maybe time to get your own life going? Invest in yourself and those around you?? I don’t know for sure. I am still feeling my way around too. Sometimes it hurts to think about it. But lucky me, no brains. And am very forgetful.
Thomas168ParticipantHello everyone,
Thanks for Peter and his poetry. And a best wishes to all of the Tiny Buddha community.
It has been nice to be here and have fun talking about stuff.
Even when we do not agree, I do like the talk cause there is no harshness.
It is all just talk. Having fun. Hope to be around in the new year. -
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