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Thomas168ParticipantHi James,
Preaching is spouting your beliefs in front of others. Imposing beliefs and ideas is propaganda. The difference is minor in its presentation. All beliefs and ideas are human. That is what we are. Human. With faults and problems. Yet we go on because that is what we do. Yes all beliefs and ideas arise and falls within the universe. But, people do not heal completely all at once. Realization doesn’t happen without knowing there is a separate self or ego. And one can not help others by preaching from the mountain top. But, must come down to see the people as they are and find that which relates to them.
And, as I have said before, there is truth in your words. But, they apply to a certain group with a certain state of mind to receive the words. As someone once said, teach according to the way people can learn and understand. If you do not then you will not reach all the people. Not everyone will understand, “Therefore, Only way to completely heal is realization of what You really are, which is untouched and always here, and can not be hurt, because there is nothing there.” So, if there is nothing there them why do I feel hurt??
Thomas168ParticipantWait, are you saying that you were diagnosed with cancer at age 39? Or was that your mother was diagnosed and then died? I am sorry. My English isn’t as good as it should be. Even though English is my only language. I sometimes have a hard time understanding people’s posts.
Exhausted? Yes, dealing with the lost of someone can be exhausting. Funeral, paperwork, financial, and government responsibilities.
And then to top it off, your own health concerns??The only thing one can do is to go thru it. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Feel what you feel. Take the time to focus on yourself. What makes you happy. I use to think that if I was going to pass away that I would do drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. But, I don’t want my life to be a bunch of moments being high all the time. Sure for a short moment maybe. But, I want me to be clear since my time would be short. Maybe a short list of things I wanted to do. Learn to dance? Play the piano? Talk to strangers? Go on a cruise? Visit a different country? Canada? Italy? China? How about a hot romance … novel, lol.
Thomas168ParticipantIf sellers of self improvement make you feel good then they make money??
I guess if they are selling spiritual self improvement then maybe.
Cause aren’t you preaching your knowledge. Could ask what are you selling??
But, it seems you only want spirituality to be the complete death of the self.
While that may be all good in a different context, this forum is for the healing of people hurt, abused, traumatized.
In fact, some are affected to the point of losing their self which makes things worse.Brain washing starts with making a person lose their identity. Their sense of self worth.
Then abuse comes along and the death of self happens. The abused is treated as less than a person.
Pain becomes the staple of life.While what you say amy be true for those in a different state of mind, the people who come here are looking for their self.
They are trying to find themselves. Look at themselves in the mirror.
Learn to know who they are. And force themselves to grow beyond their trauma.So, I read more and more of your posts. They simply ignore the truth of those who come here looking for some healing.
What you present isn’t false. It just lacks the compassion that I would expect from one as wise as you.
What can you say to someone like Laven to bring her mind peace? To restore her self esteem?
I certainly don’t know what to say or do. But, it seems those who have experienced such things do know.
They have the compassion and the ability to reach those hearts and minds.Sorry, I just get stick up my butt when I read stuff like,
“Spirituality is the complete death of the self, therefore your experiences, beliefs, ideas, and everything you “think” you are, including “I am God, infinite”.What remain is real You and that’s not a belief. İt is the end of you.
That’s it.”
Yeah, I am sorry for my post. And I am not attacking. I just feel annoyed that your truths isn’t helping others.
Yeah, I think I should keep quiet from now on.September 13, 2025 at 8:14 pm in reply to: Help My Friend Rebuild Her Life After a Failed Business #449740Thomas168ParticipantMy brother in law went thru bankruptcy. The important part was to keep the mind focused on the future. Bankruptcy helps break some debts and reorganize other debts. Bringing order in one’s financial life. The attitude to look forward to a brighter future is needed. When one door closes, a window opens. My brother in law had opened up a restaurant and partnered with a married couple. They decided that they were the major shareholders and would control the money. So, $140k in and signed into contracts with more debts. They went into business together. Soon, the couple showed their true colors and made their move to control everything. Very soon, the partners fought and a split was inevitable. But, instead of a smart move to divide the business. They sabotage each other. Lawyers were hired. More debts. More money borrowed. Eventually, finally things were decided by the bankruptcy judge. Then worked to get out of debt. About five years later, light at the end of the tunnel. People get themselves into these things and they need to get themselves out of it. Got to keep their minds on the future.
Thomas168ParticipantSorry, I do not understand what kind of coaching you are providing. Physical exercise? Living a life free of trauma? How to dream or interpret dreams?
Thomas168ParticipantYes, safe place to vent.
I hope it helped.
Thomas168ParticipantCarry on my wayward son,
There’ll be peace when you are done,
Lay your weary head to rest,
Don’t you cry no more,Once I rose above the noise and confusion,
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion,
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high,Though my eyes could see I was still a blind man,
Though my mind could think I was still a mad man,
I hear the voices when I’m dreaming, I can hear them say,Carry on my wayward son,
There’ll be peace when you are done,
Lay your weary head to rest,
Don’t you cry no more,Masquerading as a man with a reason,
My charade was the event of the season,’
And if I claim to be a wise man,
Well, it surely means I don’t know,On a stormy sea of moving emotion,
Toss about, like a ship on the ocean,
I set a course for winds of fortune,
But, I hear the voices say,Carry on my wayward son,
There’ll be peace when you are done,
Lay your weary head to rest,
Don’t you cry no more,Carry on you will always remember,
Carry on nothing equals the splendor,
Now your life’s no longer empty,
Surely heaven waits for you,Carry on my wayward son,
There’ll be peace when you are done,
Lay your weary head to rest,
Don’t you cry no more,Kansas,
Lyrics by Paulo Antonio
Thomas168Participant[quote quote=449157]I see bad people like babies. They came into this world completely pure, like clean water, innocent and untouched. Everything they became—their personality, their habits, their ways of thinking—was shaped by their environment, family, society, and life circumstances. None of the “bad” things they do are truly their fault, because they are a product of what surrounded them, how they were raised, and what they experienced.
In a way, they are like a river shaped by the stones and soil it flows over. The person I see now is just the result of everything around them, not something they consciously chose in the beginning. Understanding this doesn’t mean I approve of harmful behavior, but it allows me to look at them without hatred or judgment. I can see the human behind the actions, the innocent child that once existed, and the suffering and conditioning that led them to be this way.[/quote]
I am a strong believer in that people make choices. They choose what to do next. They are not a domino that falls because the previous block fell over. A person chooses to go right or left. When a child grows up, he chooses whether to bully others. He wasn’t taught to be a bully. When I was younger, I had so called friends who took advantage of others for their own .. don’t know what to call it other than their desires or pleasures. When I saw how they did this, I felt repelled and disgusted. So, I stepped away from them.
So, from this I take it as there is real evil in the world. There are some who get joy or reward from hurting others. This doesn’t come from their environment. That is the way they are. It is nice to be able to say that everyone is like a baby. All innocent. But, I stood at the place where the choice was to be made.
A child playing with an animal might accidentally kill the animal. One child might feel remorse and another child might feel power. This is not derived from environmental factors but something inside a person. Evil is real. I wish I had your perceptions and clean mind. To believe everyone is an innocent soul.
So, how to deal with a harmful person? What does society demand? A punishment equal to the crime. Relative truth and Objective truth. That might be for the enlightened mind. I am here just trying to survive.
Thomas168ParticipantHello James123,
“However, the identification with the body as person, inevatibly creates suffering. İf one choose to suffer then why not, just be attached with the body or mind, as considering the mind chattering as “me”.
Total disseappears will come at the so called physical death.”
Okay, let us say that attachment to the body causes suffering. Then what is the alternative? One lives in the body. One has memories which create the self. The body retains the scars of trauma past. Those things were real. Thoughts or no thoughts, the self still lives inside this body. A person can recall their memories of things that happened that shaped their minds and their feeling. Some things leaving scars. All happened while we live in this body. So, what are you saying? That if We do not identify with the body then all our suffering will disappear?
It seems to me that what you are saying might be true in the sense of a being living on a different level. But most people do not live that way. Spouting truths that belongs to someone who has attained enlightenment helps no one because no one can relate. Talking about a person has no real self doesn’t help the person who suffered trauma at the hands of their abusers. It isn’t the same level. Anita and Alessha and Peter and Silvery Blue and others reach real people. And they help them out of their suffering by lending a compassionate ear. While there is truth in your words, the audience doesn’t understand the meaning. The toughest part about enlightenment is whether to share the truth and how to share it. Wisdom and compassion must come first. Not just Preaching.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying you are wrong. Or what you say is not true.
Note: I do not know why I always stick my foot in my mouth.
Thomas168ParticipantIt was nice to read you have gotten past the hurt from people in the past. And are making progress toward a life worth living. Keep up the good work. Love to hear more of things getting better for you. Thanks for the post.
Thomas168ParticipantAn excellent beginning to meditation can be the question of “What is the authentic self?”. To concentrate on finding the answer. Or to begin like many do by following breath. Some start by counting breath. In breath and the mind says one. Out breath and the mind says two. Count up to ten and then after ten, begin again at one. At first, the mind will wander and think about other things. Meditation starts by letting go of the other thoughts. Not by stopping thoughts. Just not to follow the thoughts. Bring the mind back to counting the breath.
As the person progresses, the mind may quiet down a little and focus on the breath. The person can then go on to watch the breath go in and go out. The mind say in on the in breath and says out on the out breath. Focus is maintained. As the mind is able to focus steadily, the quiet lasts longer. One remains present and aware. When the quiet is steady and the mind remains focused, the move is to let go of the mind counting or following breath. It is to remain focused and present. When the thinking mind is dropped, this is the setting of the enlightened mind. Emptiness, stillness … the experience brings one to see the truth. 3 things that can not stay hidden. The Sun, The moon and the truth.
Our thoughts make up everything in our lives. It tells us what is real and what is not. It lets us feel and dream and want but keeps us ignorant of the truth. With the truth, compassion and wisdom arises. This is not for everyone although the wish is that all sentient being will be liberated.
If Debbie wishes to learn more then I believe she must find a teacher. There are plenty of places that teach meditation. One can even find it on the YouTube. And there are so many methods. Not every method is for everyone. So, hopefully she can find one that suits her. And, that she will find her authentic self is happy.
Thomas168Participant<cite>@silvery blue said:</cite>
Hello Debbie,If you are into Buddhism, you will soon discover on your journey that there is no authentic self. There is no identifying self. There is no separate self.
People – their “selves” – are made up of different things put together… so, yes, you are “negative, catty, judgmental, angry”, but you are also positive, kind, compassionate, calm, … It only depends on what parts of yourself you decide to cultivate. ❤️
Step by step. 😊
🦋
Presenting “No self” to a beginner will leave the beginner with nothing more than more questions and confusion. Understanding No self will take some time and practice to fully understand the meaning. For a beginner there is nothing more than the self and the suffering. So the talk is more about suffering. Life is suffering. The Truth about the cause for suffering. The possibility to end of suffering. The path to end suffering.
I believe if she is interested in meditation then she would probably want the peace meditation can give a person. Mostly to quiet the mind and all the talking and narration. The Dharma and the Buddhist beliefs may take more time.
Thomas168ParticipantWhen one holds a lit match for too long then one can feel the pain of being burned. If one was able then one would have blown out the natch or dropped the match before being burned. So, can you drop the match? Can you separate yourself from those who are causing these troubles and trauma?
Getting better usually takes time with oneself (not alone). Or with a good therapist. Help to understand what one has gone thru. And the steps to come out trauma with a life worth living. There are people here who have experienced trauma and are helping others. Seek their companionship.
Thomas168ParticipantAlessa,
So sorry for all the trauma you went thru. Children shouldn’t be treated that way, ever. And, it is good to hear you fight back. Shows you are strong at heart. Hope things are better for you now.
Thomas168ParticipantYour post shows great compassion. All you can do is to talk and be there to help if she ask for help. Showing you care, is the best anyone can do at this moment. It will be up to her to get help. Good luck.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.