“And do you remember when you first experienced this feeling of unfairness in your life?”

I don’t really recall when it started but it may go back to when my father abandoned us during a cold winter, taking with him things such as my clothes, toys, my mother’s stuff. I was at most two years old then so those memories aren’t continuous but rather scattered (but still vivid) pieces. I do not recall this particular incident though but it may be relevant.

What I do remember well is that when I was little, I mostly cried over things I found very unfair. I didn’t cry or complain much when I was punished for something I knew I did wrong. When I saw myself, my friends or my mother being subjected to treatment I considered unjust, it made me feel pretty bad. Likewise there was a lot of disrespect and harm coming from my father, his mother and the woman he lived with over the years.

About my childhood and possible traumas. When I remember all those experiences (and I do have a very good and vivid memory), I don’t feel strongly about any of it and it certainly doesn’t shake me. I’m not sure if there’s any underlying trauma there to be honest.

I am sorry about that. Is he trying to accuse you for some sort of fraud or financial manipulation? Can you defend yourself and prove that he is lying?

Yes, I’ve got evidence and arguments to prove him wrong, likewise his own reputation is pretty bad so I’m not too worried about people buying into it but sadly there’s always a chance with those things, especially when one’s deepest concerns are targeted. I didn’t expect something so petty though.

“So you stayed in touch with this particular “friend” for well over a decade, while you lost touch with your other internet friends. Am I understanding this right?”

He wasn’t the only one. There were two more I’ve known for a longer time and was closer to, but one died and the other ended up drifting away, marrying and going on with her life. There’s another also whom I’m pretty close to and we talk often.
Of course there are not-so-close friends I chat to on and off.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Tineoidea.

“You don’t need to hate them.”

Hate is somehow an alien feeling to me. I don’t know how exactly it feels to hate and I don’t hold grudges. The strong negative feelings I do feel are deep disappointment and a feeling of “unfairness” (and not necessarily towards me).

“It’s most probably related to your childhood. Was there anyone in your childhood who reminds you of either of them?”

My childhood happened over many places and so I never really managed to make close friends as we would move somewhere else every single year or even more often. I spent most of the time by myself, usually reading, exploring or creating something.

Things very also very hard economically (poverty, starvation, humiliation, etc) as I was raised by my mother who went through hell for it. The father cheated on her and dumped us when I was a toddler, and his side of the family plus his new woman always tried to hurt and slander us in one way or another, going as far as trying to kill my mother and me. Obviously there was never any support from them except from my grandpa who was a good person and always managed to sneak out some help for us, but he was under the boot of my cruel grandma. It actually hurts to call those people “father” or “grandma”, we’ve removed them from our lives and changed countries a very long time ago.

After that, my teenage years weren’t much easier and we still moved often. I basically spent them growing up online, which to me was a good way to escape the pain of daily life, make actual long-term friendships and so on.

“I don’t know if that’s the case with her, and what her motives were, but she might be someone who wants to be liked by everyone?”

Her apparent motive was that she wanted me close, to live together and to help me out so I can fend for myself and not struggle anymore.

That’s quite insensitive and selfish of her. How did you react to those requests?

I mostly tried to do what I can but I must say that I was becoming depressed already as I wasn’t feeling her support, only nagging.

Perhaps her need to be liked by everyone is what actually motivated her to reach out to him – because she wanted him to like her?

Perhaps she just saw a new victim to use in the nearby future. But also, she does indeed want to be liked by people and gets upset when they don’t accept and validate her. I’ve seen that a lot. She would also often get into the conflicts of others and try to “help”, then get depressed because those people refused her. When it comes to “friend”, she was constantly saying things like “I’m the person who has shown him more good will and care that anybody ever but he keeps hurting me”.
I was her only close friend by the way.

If someone is super uncertain of themselves, they can invent an alternate reality.

I can also see that being the case. When all of this went down and I finally voiced that I felt a lack of support and care from her in multiple places, she retalliated with “I can’t do everything for you” and blamed it all on me. Even though she didn’t really do anything to improve my situation.

Also, during the last interaction where she refused to give me back at least some of my things, she deflected by asking me when am I going to give her back some of her gifts.

“So signs of betrayal or a certain withdrawal were there already before she met your “friend”, they just escalated with him. Would you say that’s true?”

I would say so, yes. She did let me down multiple times and even didn’t do things she said she wants to and will.
I assume she was already more than full of my love and affection at a point was just waiting for an opportunity to jump into a new train so she didn’t feel like keeping the full pretense of wanting to help me anymore.
Why would she monkey branch towards somebody who abused and disrespected her and me both, whom she constantly criticized and knew nothing about though? That’s a mystery but I don’t think it’s the sign of a healthy mind.

“And also, you said she was making unreasonable demands on you, but you were too much in love to notice it. Could you give one example of such an unreasonable demand?”

Things such as expecting me to both work on multiple things at once while giving her my full attention and most of my day as she was well aware that I was barely getting a few hours of sleep a day for months and months.
Or blaming me for not solving the conflict between her and my “friend” in a proper way and for putting her through it even though she herself constantly tried to interact with him while he wanted nothing to do with her, I told her to stop and she herself said it’s hurting her and she should stop.

“making unreasonable demands of you, expecting you to put everything aside and meet their needs, demanding you spend all of your time together, being dissatisfied no matter how hard you try or how much you give”

Now that I think back, she also put me through this, especially the first and the last parts. I didn’t mind/notice it back then as I was madly in love but she was pretty unfair when it comes to her expectations while knowing my hardships (and not doing much if anything about those even though she could have easily) and consuming most of my free time.