Anita, I do need to work on respecting others. Concerned about getting soft with the opposition though.

Also trying to figure out how to find time for everything. And, how to find decent prospects. Would actually like to have the option of having a family, but time isn’t exactly on my side. Really down about my failed attempts.

Probably should also practice being present in the moment more. Mind tends to have a lot going on, and I admit to not catching things when my mind wanders.

Even on my current travels, my mind wanders to what I know is waiting for work when I get back. This trip to the Canadian badlands also shows me a lot of what I have missed these last several years. So many different places to see, and I never took to time to see them. And, saw a lot of couples in the larger towns/cities, which really kind of drove home how lonely my life has been.

Saw something in Regina that made me ponder a lot of things. Just for the heck of it, I decided to go to a sporting goods store. Looked at their firearms/ammo section and commented about the interesting selection they had up here (lots of “vintage” large game calibres) compared to the Dakotas. I got a response from one of the people working there that made me wonder if I had grown horns and a tail. Apparently he had an extremely hostile dislike for Americans, even one who had just paid him a compliment about his store’s selection.

I learned a few things from that experience. Held my tongue and didn’t make a snide reply to his issues. More than that, I was thinking of the feeling I was left with in dealing with the guy, of how much I wanted to dissociate from him. Wound up asking myself how many people I may have driven away.

Anita, interesting idea. Figured that lunch dates were a little less formal than dinner dates. Really thought I was good on the timing with a second woman. That taught me to double check on the time.

Guessing that I probably come across as too edgy to date.

I have sat down and laid out a few objectives for the coming years, now working on how to get there. One of the things is that I’d like to get married. I know there’s nothing magical about marriage, but it does represent a bundle of rights and creates the bizarre legal fiction of two becoming one.

I have also starting looking at how I got to where I am.

Going to be traveling for a few days, so posts might look a little strange (hate typing on a cellphone).

Anita, do I really come across as that hostile? On cell phone so not terribly equipped to type.

Nina:

I am not good at relaxing. Usually don’t sleep long or particularly well. Melatonin, antihistamines, chamomile tea, etc. may help me get to sleep, but usually still groggy and grouchy in the morning. I frequently dream about work, and even while currently on “vacation” away from the office, my mind still wanders there. While I don’t recall dreams every night, based on what I remember, would be comfortable saying that I dream about work probably 2/3 or more of the time. I don’t recall having many, if any, “happy” dreams. Most of them are dark and frantic paced. Sometimes, they are set in utterly stark bleak surroundings, which are generally locations I am familiar with, but which are in a condition that would fit right in with dystopian post-apocalyptic settings.

I remember my first trip up to Regina, SK back in ~2012 or 2013. Was actually enjoyable and relaxing, decided to experience various things about the city. On the second time I was up there, I encountered some EMT’s in a fast-food restaurant, and noticed they were wearing body armour. My opinion of the city went from nice to “interesting” pretty fast at that point, EMT’s needing body armour seemed to be more of a probably that would be at home in Chicago than Regina, SK. Needless to say, that didn’t improve my outlook on humanity. That first trip was probably the last time I was “relaxed” for any significant period of time.

For shorter periods of time, I’m probably most relaxed when I’m out hunting. Don’t do it often, but it requires complete concentration on your target(s).

Anita, not sure what you mean by didn’t respond, interact, etc. with those folks. I admit that I probably appeared tired and stressed, and didn’t have my “A” game on (hell, I don’t really even have a social “A” game), but I didn’t sit there like a bump on a log. I average 12 hour work days excluding lunch, I get tired, sometimes even to the point where 12 cups of coal black coffee do nothing. Simply because I look tired doesn’t mean I don’t care, it just means that I’m tired.

Showed up late to the one lunch with the most recent woman, when it was agreed on to meet the next day at the same time, and the time I encountered her at the start of the conversation was ~12:25 (when she entered the restaurant), I figured that she was talking 12:25ish. When I arrived at 12:25ish, was surprised to find out that she meant noon and was done eating. I probably should have verified the time, but it’s not like I had the exact time and just decided to show up late.

With the other one canceled one of three lunches due to stuff popping up at work. Was late for the first one, but as she could see, I got stuck in a court proceeding that just would not end (traffic infraction court no less). She was literally standing outside the door of the courtroom. You can’t just tell the judge that you have something else that you would like to do, and you can’t tell the defendants to stop blathering about inane “defenses” to his/her conduct. Hell, I even called her and let her vent about work stuff, etc.

In both cases, we met, talked. Asked about them, etc. I did check the time periodically, but that is something I do generally at lunch anyway, since it’s usually an hour break. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t come to a screeching halt for either of us simply because it was decided to have lunch together. Would I have loved to have spent the afternoon with either of them without any concern for time, yes. But, unfortunately, that’s not how things work.

So, at a loss as to what responding/interacting means.