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Short answer is no. Love it or hate it, knowing when to fold ’em is part of life.
Relationships are strange things. You never, ever, really know 100% what the other person is thinking about. You never know why people do what they do… men leaving great women for more “interesting” options … intelligent and beautiful women dating “gutter trash” because they think they can “fix” them… all sorts of things.
I know a beautiful and intelligent woman of Scandinavian descent who after getting divorced from her prior PoS husband just “had” to have a particular guy, and is just now learning that he has a violent streak that is helped along by binge drinking. She comes from a family of rather significant means and connections, who really did not approve of her selection. I guess that love is truly deaf, dumb, and blind.
I know a guy who divorced his wife of several years to go and marry a slightly younger and “better equipped” model… the results weren’t so great for him (his ex-wife is now married to a petroleum engineer with an international Europe-based oil company). He’s, well, um… let’s just say that I’d find the situation insufferable.
What do the two of them have in common? Not checking on the warning signs. Not being willing to pull the plug when it should have been pulled.
The old saying is quite true… if it looks too good to be true, it probably is. Promises of 200% returns on investments, promises of love and the like forever and ever, etc.. Have come to one conclusion, maybe I’m just normally this jaded… or maybe it comes with the job, but people will say/do pretty much whatever they think is necessary to get them what they want.
Be thankful that you did not get hurt with the periods of anxiety/depression/etc.
Hmmm…. I’m actually considering a relationship with a vegan who somehow found her way out onto the Northern Plains.
I do have one question about the “fear and pain” thing. While we don’t really have any direct correlation to what plants may or may not “feel,” it’s interesting to note that when some plants come under attack from pests and other agents, they communicate that to other plants via chemicals and sometimes to parts of their own system via chemicals. Fear and pain, as animals experience, are simply cascades of chemicals and/or ions released in response to either direct external stimuli or perceived external stimuli. Humans, as animals, can dissect or vivisect, another animal and trace nerves and other structures similar to what we have in our own bodies. Again, as animals, we know how animals (at least complex ones), respond to pain/fear. Is it not hubris to think that we “know” what plants experience?
Also, with regard to fear/pain and animals some of that is autonomic nerve function that has nothing to do with fear or pain. For example, I hunt ground rodents for farmers and ranchers that I know in the area. Let’s say that I head-shot a ground squirrel at ~100 yards with a .17HMR. The effect on the ground squirrel is about the same as if a person had been shot with a .308Win or 30-06Sprg at that range. You will see movement from the ground squirrel’s body, but the squirrel is unconscious and, for all intents and purposes, quite dead.
I have two friends who hunt deer. One uses a .375H&H Magnum rifle and the other uses a .300Wthby Magnum. They are both good enough shots with a powerful enough rifle that the deer is Dead Right There (DRT) due to internal damage and hydrostatic pressure. I cannot imagine the deer feeling too much pain and fear from that.
Sadly, people look at such things regardless of the person’s coloration, etc. It goes back and forth across ethnicities and has existed for longer than humans developed (basically the differentiation between like and not-like in the animal kingdom). For all of the mental advancements of humanity, we still haven’t figured some of this stuff out.
I’ve had ideas shot down simply because I’m a “privileged white male” with financial assets. I’ve seen other people have ideas shot down, or accepted, simply because they are an “X” or a “Y” without any regard for the experience or lack thereof of the source.
If you feel like you aren’t getting a fair shake, I humbly suggest that you find another job. Starting during law school, and continuing to the present day, I suffer(ed) from psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. Had a bad flare up on my face during an interview with one law firm, and the person wouldn’t even shake my hand (you’d think that somebody with 7+ years of formal education would recognize that you aren’t going to “catch” psoriasis). I felt terrible about the situation, and I let similar encounters affected my job search for a considerable period of time. Then, I realized that instead of letting it bother me and allowing me to devalue myself, that I needed to take a different approach. Found a place that didn’t care about such things, and wound up making more than several of the prior job openings would have paid.
Offices are strange things. People attach “status” to office size, location, etc. I have had the largest office in the “office” and the smallest office in the “office,” with the order going inverse to seniority.
Ultimately, the question is, how do you envision an office helping you do what you do?
Why the fear of getting more respect?
One of the great things about an office is the door 🙂 Though, sometimes a door isn’t enough. 12″ thick reinforced concrete floors/ceilings, and ceramic and plaster/asbestos firebrick interior walls sometimes isn’t enough either 😛 Of course, you probably don’t have a co-worker with a love of organ music and a Klipsch 200W subwoofer either 🙂
I’m surprised at moving in so soon. I’m wondering what was going on long before then.
If he gets around that much, probably best that it ends before you wind up with something that you don’t want.February 23, 2017 at 8:11 pm in reply to: Is restoration possible with a selfish, emotional abuser? #129133
Two words: Hell no.
Complaining about winterizing the place while you were dealing with that stuff is just… um… err… um… Really, he couldn’t “winterize” by himself? Unless we’re talking an ag operation or similar, he should have been able to “winterize” by himself. Even if it was something like an ag operation, couldn’t get neighbors to help due to the situation (due to a**hole issues??)? I’m just without words. Maybe it’s a North Dakota thing, I don’t know, but sheesh.
I am no psychologist, but I’m guessing that on that trip you saw the harsh reality of life. You saw somebody at the “end of the road” and compared yourself to them/saw yourself in that position. Then thought about all of the bulls*** that your husband was giving you.
Hmmm, preferring video games over you/kids? Don’t get me wrong, video games can be fun (I play a few at times), they aren’t really a good substitute for interactions with people.
parasite- something that survives based on taking things from its host. Also known as the bipedal male organism you seemed to have been dating.
Most of us have all probably been in periods of economic pain. However, it seems like this particular parasite decided that you would be a good meal ticket and he wouldn’t have to worry about his own affairs. Parasites are to be removed when and where possible.
Suicide threats are a seriously bad idea. I can tell you from my line of work, that such comments can have drastic and long-term consequences far beyond whatever problem was supposedly occurring at the time. Depending on how they are taken, you can wind up with multiple members of law enforcement showing up at your location with a court order directing them to take you into protective custody and transfer you to the nearest psychiatric ward for evaluation and observation, or in the alternative, to hold you in jail for 24 hours until a bed opens up. A few days of being in the psych ward later, you get into court where the decision is made if you are threat to yourself or others. Such a process can have lasting effects on the ability to purchase firearms and/or ammunition, among other things.February 23, 2017 at 7:44 pm in reply to: Do happy, successful, fulfilling relationships exist? #129123
Conflict between people is pretty much universal. There really isn’t any such thing as a relationship without “fighting.” It may take different forms (and depends on what people call a “fight”), but there is still the issue of disagreement at times. If you are looking for the “perfect” relationship, you are seeking El Dorado, i.e. that which does not exist.
I agree with Anita that you don’t need an agitator. Enough stuff happens in life that trying to deal with an intentional agitator is simply silly. No idea why somebody would intentionally do stuff like that, but some people do. Nobody needs the company of a pot-stirrer.
I am sensing an advertisement for something.
And, yet, we have people say that meth (and other drug dealers) aren’t threats to the community. *Bangs head*.
Actually, there are times when decent people do practice deceit. It just depends on the context and what is at stake. in WWII, the allies launched a disinformation campaign about the Normandy landings, trying to make the German forces believe the landings would take place in Calais for example. Having the ability to decode tansmissions but yet continuing to send people out to get slaughtered so as to protect that information is another one. To me, it’s generally in the context of what happened. But, then again, I’m a moral nihilist so…
If you are waiting for “God’s Divine Justice” I am afraid that you are going to be waiting a very long time.
Here’s the thing: his choices aren’t your choices. Period, end of story. Narcissists never change, because always being right is inherent in narcissism. It’s always somebody else’s fault.
Ah… Chaos. *queues up an Exterminatus on the Chaos infested area* (WH40K).
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way in real life in dealing with Chaos. Employment is more about figuring out what you want to do. I remember sitting in the office of the Dean of the School of Law at The University of Florida (tier 1 school) and having him pretty much tell me that there was no place in law for a molecular biologist.
Simple truth… everybody attempts to measure you up. Whether for dating, hiring, or even determining if they can beat the hell out of you and steal your stuff.
Anita is right that mindfulness is a great thing. Never mastered that outside of the firing range though, where concentration and focus are absolutely necessary.
Let’s take a look at some of those things:
1) 28 and never been on a plane. There is nothing magical about an aircraft. They are useful tools and usually don’t unexpected fall from the sky (depends on airline). I’ve got a bit more than a decade on you, and would have been perfectly content to not having flown on an aircraft.
2) Never been kissed. Ditto, after 39 years, never been kissed either.
3) Traveling around the country. Pluses and minuses to travel. Sometimes you find things aren’t quite as advertised (i.e. they have been all hyped up beyond all common sense). Sometimes things are as you expect. Sometimes getting to your destination is an utter shock (going from Fisherman’s Wharf to San Fran airport for a red-eye flight out for example), (also driving through Cleveland, Atlanta, St. Louis, Minneapolis, <insert large city here>). At least when I travel in my home state I can travel well armed, not so much for the bigger cities.
4) Being adored by everybody. Simple fact: nobody is adored by everybody. Not everybody on Earth loved Mother Theresa and not everybody on Earth hated Hitler. If the adoration of everybody is what you are waiting for, it’s going to be a long wait that will go on long after your death as some might actually be glad to see you go.
5) Simple fact: there is always going to be somebody richer than you are; there is always going to be somebody who gets more recognition than you do; there is always going to be somebody who “gets more” *wink-wink* than you do; there is always going to be somebody who is <insert metric here> than you.January 19, 2017 at 7:07 pm in reply to: Life feeling purposeless, decisions therefore feel pointless #125751
Peter, interesting take on Nihilism. The truth of the matter is that in about 4-5billion years, the sun will expand outward in its death throes and in incinerate the surface of the Earth.
I understand the family thing. You really do need to get out on your own. Family can become like lampreys and attach.