@Rhaenys love will always require a degree of risk. That is why you have to learn to be okay with being vulnerable. If we stay closed off to protect ourselves we will never allow real love to flood us. When you have enough self love or esteem alongside vulnerability, and for some reason it doesn’t work out, you should love yourself enough to not let it change who you are and impact you in a negative way for long.

We can use our past experiences as lessons to not take certain actions or spot red flags and we also need to be in the moment that we don’t completely self sabotage. There’s a very fine balance needed. It’s not good to be an extreme of either. Too in the moment makes you impulsive and unaware of the consequences of your actions. Too living in the past makes you miss out on what you deserve and the baggage weighs you down.
Initial thoughts were he like majority of men during pandemic was bored and lacked stimulation so had no intention to meet. But he made an effort to meet you so you have to give him some credit.

However if this guy is consistently tardy or letting you down with communication and that’s giving you anxiety just call it quits and tell him that. BUT even if he was playing games you can CHOOSE to be mature about it, don’t be hypocritical and choose to ignore addressing him because that very same thing hurts you, so don’t do it to others.

Just communicate and say these are my needs , you make me feel x and I feel my needs are better met elsewhere. The way a person behaves in conflict situation is actually a mark of their character, how emotionally stable and mature they are.

It’s fine if after dipping your toes in the pool for the first time, it didn’t work out. Just keep learning from it and growing. It will happen when it is meant to.

Don’t fall into the trap of needing to play power games to get someone. Love is not meant to be like this. Just be YOU and if someone doesn’t understand or accept you as a person it is their loss. Don’t go into any relationship with FEARS it will cloud your judgement.

@Jay2023

I’m glad to hear from you. I thought as much after reading your last post and that is why i was concerned.

You are going into your shell but you need to keep channels of communication open even if it feels challenging. Because whether you have a diagnosis of clinical depression or not – isolation is dangerous it will cause a spiral of negative thinking.

Feeling ashamed, feeling shit about yourself is not needed.

You need to take action Jay, you need to not just mask over things with distractions. You need to really connect and engage with people who really care about you and haven’t given up and want to listen openly, so don’t push them away. We always end up pushing away the ones who want the best for us instead of taking them up on their offer to be there.

If they didn’t care they wouldn’t bother. So no matter how conflicted your emotions are don’t just sit their passively waiting for them to wash over you, you have to confront them too. If you’re feeling confused talk it out and talk it out some more. Ignoring something will never make it go away. It will just brew inside you leading to anxiety and one day explode into other health problems.

The urge to back away, to shut off and isolate is expected. But this isolation, in turn, only feeds depression and makes it worse.

@Dannydan and I will support you but having irl support is very important too. Just like when I was drinking @Shelbyville and @Tim1 were a godsend but i needed people irl to back it up too.

Do you have people who care and want you to be happy to whom you can share how you really feel, be open and not feel judged? Because it’s time to swallow the pride, the negative self critic or view needs to be hushed. So accept the help if you really want to improve your happiness. Life will put people in our lives for reason You don’t have to just survive you can thrive from all this.

Why have you gone into your shell? What are the confused feelings Jay? What is your inner critic having you believe?

Do get back to us, as hard as it may be. I try not to get frustrated by you opening up and shutting down because I understand there’s an internal battle happening but people care about you Jay, you can overcome this by accepting the hands reaching out. In the end it is your choice x