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Posts tagged with “authentic”

How Overthinking Ruined my Relationships and How I Overcame It

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“Overthinking ruins you. It ruins the situation. And it twists things around. It makes you worry. Plus, it just makes everything worse than it actually is.” ~Karen Salmansohn

I grew up with parents who believed a kid shouldn’t have friends and should be indoors always. Because of that, I never had real friends in my childhood, except those I met in school and church.

Since my early teenage years, loneliness has been my forte, and I have learned to pay too much attention to details. When people talk, I look at them, how they react, their facial expressions, etc. I …

Why I’d Rather Be Vulnerable with People Than Pretend I’m Perfect

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“Give up being perfect, for being authentic. Give up the need to be perfect, for the opportunity to be authentic. Be who you are. Love who you are. Others will too.” ~Hal Elrod

I’m not perfect. Not that this would come as any kind of surprise to anyone who knows me. But I often feel pushed in the direction of trying to represent myself as someone who has it all together. Especially because of the nature of my work as a coach and facilitator. What about you? Do you ever feel like you’re putting on a show for others?

The …

Why I Despised My Skin Color & 5 Strategies That Improved My Self-Image

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“Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.” ~Coco Chanel

I believed I was ugly and blamed it on my dark skin. I hated my skin color. Looking back, I realized it’s because I didn’t fit in with the white kids, nor did I fit in with the black kids.

I am mixed race. I have a black father and a white mother. Until I started school, I never considered myself different. My family and I were close, and I felt love and acceptance.

When I started second grade, I developed a crush on a boy, who never noticed …

5 Tips to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People

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“No matter what you do, someone won’t be pleased. Someone will think your choices are wrong. And someone will tell you what you should do instead. No matter which path you take, someone will seem to be doing better. Someone will have more than you. And someone else’s life may look more impressive on paper. If you’re being true to yourself, none of that will matter because you’ll have something more satisfying than approval and the illusion of “success”: a life that feels right for you, based on your own wants, needs, values, and priorities.” ~Lori Deschene

Have you ever …

It’s Okay to Feel Scared: How to Stand Up to Fear by Standing Down

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“It’s okay to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave.” ~Mandy Hale

When it comes to plane travel, I frequently quip: “I’m not a nervous flier, but my bladder is.”

In a way, this is true. Aside from brief freak-out moments when there’s a patch of turbulence or when a flash from my catalog of gruesome “what-if” scenarios forces its way into my mind’s eye, I remain blissfully disconnected from my fear. Meanwhile, my bladder takes the brunt of it, with hourly pit-stops to the lavatory alongside a persistent, dull ache.

While this is …

The Vault in Our Hearts: How I’m Learning to Fill It with My Own Love

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“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone else to fill the void inside you, but no one will ever be able to do it.” ~Lori Deschene

This year I have fallen in and out of love. Not once, not twice, but three times.

Firstly, I fell deeply into being held, being heard, and being supported. For the first time, in a long time, I understood what it meant to be loved.

Secondly, I flew quickly into a spontaneous soul, who lit up my world and reminded me who I was.

Thirdly, I surrendered earth-shatteringly into …

The Most Important Questions to Ask Yourself If You Want to Be More Authentic

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“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~Brené Brown

Have you ever just wanted to relax, let go, and let yourself be?

Why is this so challenging for so many? Why don’t we just live naturally and allow our authenticity to be felt, expressed, and seen?

Well, when many of us were little, being authentic was not okay, so we focused on trying to do things the “right way” according to what others had to say, because our survival was at stake. The more we did …

How Accepting That We’re Ordinary Opens Us Up to Love

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“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” ~C.S. Lewis

I was talking to a mentor of mine several months ago, and they cut me off midsentence and said, “Zach, it sounds like you’re trying to be extraordinary. How about you just work at being ordinary?”

I paused then promptly broke into tears. Yep. Tears. Not ashamed to admit that.

Tears because the meat of the conversation was about self-worth and being enough. In that moment my deepest childhood wound was tapped into, and ordinary sounded horrible to me.

Who wants to be ordinary? Not this guy.

My mentor …

Afraid of What People Think? Free Yourself by Realizing How Unimportant You Are

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“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

It’s natural to think that we’re always in the spotlight.

We think that people care about the way we dress, but they don’t.

We think that people notice our nervous habits, when in reality, they’re worried about whether people are noticing their own.

We tend to go through life as if our every move is being watched, judged, and evaluated on a moment-to-moment basis by the people around us. Here’s a reality check—you’re not that important.

I don’t mean that …

What’s Really Important: 3 Things I Realized When I Lost My Grandmother

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“We forget what we want to remember and remember what we want to forget.” ~The Road

“Okay grandma, we’re going to run away!” I wheeled my grandma Jeanne in her wheelchair into the sunlight, through the courtyard, after we exited her nursing home. She knew though that she couldn’t leave, but she went along with the game. She knew she was stuck there. But we had fun with it, nonetheless.

I really did want to run away with her. I’d had a dream the night before that she told me, “I’m at the end of my life. You will be …

The Only Way to Form Meaningful Relationships with People Who Get You

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“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.” ~Jim Morrison

When I left my full-time position at an ad agency and ventured out on my own, I had a clear goal in mind—to connect with like-minded people who align with my highest good. As far as how I was going to do that, I had little clue.

My life was full of relationships built from forced, sometimes toxic circumstances where we found each other out of need or convenience. I am grateful for each of those people because they were there when I needed them most, …

How I Stopped Feeling Unworthy of Love (And Finally Learned to Receive It)

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“I hope you find love, but more importantly, I hope you’re strong enough to walk away from what love isn’t.” ~Tiffany Tomiko

When I was in my early thirties, I briefly dated someone right after my divorce.

It was one of those fast and furious things that had no label and left me wondering if I made most of it up in my head.

It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last. How many times had I ended up feeling rejected and abandoned? I was trying so hard to impress a partner, but no matter what …

Why I Never Fit in Anywhere and the One Realization That’s Changed Everything

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“Don’t force yourself to fit where you don’t belong.” ~Unknown

When I was young, I was a real daddy’s girl. He was so proud of me and took me everywhere with him.

When my parents got divorced and my dad moved away to start a new life with a new family, I didn’t understand why he left, as I was still a child. I thought that he didn’t love me anymore. I felt abandoned and rejected. Perhaps if I’d been better behaved, prettier, cleverer then he wouldn’t have left me?

Until recently, I didn’t realize the impact that this has …

How I Saved Myself by Surrendering When Everything Fell Apart

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“And here you are, living despite it all.” ~Rupi Kaur

“I surrender!” I said this mantra out loud as my life was spiraling out of control.

I had spent a summer in college as a camp counselor separated from my fiancé. He sent me no letters and did not keep in touch. Still, I held on. By the time I came back home, we were broken. I had also realized he was emotionally abusing me. It took that separation to make me see it.

I realized I had been truly alone in the relationship. I was never lonelier than …

The Freedom of Being Ourselves (Whether Others Like Us or Not)

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“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” ~Oscar Wilde

“Cringey” is what my kids called it. Me? I was just being Sam.

After hitting “post” on my highly emotive Instagram video—one of those more-than-one-minute jobbies that winds up on Instagram TV—I closed the app and had a brief moment of panic. Maybe I said too much? Maybe I screwed myself by being too honest? Too open? Too… vulnerable?

A few hours after sharing that five-minute, tear-filled video on not giving up on our dreams, I still didn’t have the courage to log back in to see how many followers I’d …

How a Numb, Phony Zombie Started Singing Her Own Song

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“Alas for those that never sing, but die with all their music in them!” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Six years ago, I came across a line from an old poem that punctured my present moment so profoundly it seemed to stop time.

On an average Tuesday, there I was, sitting at my desk, ignoring the stack of papers I was responsible for inputting into a spreadsheet and procrastinating as usual on the Internet instead.

At this particular time, Pinterest was my drug of choice—anyone else?

As I was aimlessly scrolling through wacky theme party ideas and spicy margarita recipes, suddenly, here …

The 6 Personalities of People-Pleasing and How I Overcame Them

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“The truth is, you’re never going to be able to please everybody, so stop trying. Remember, the sun is going to continue shining even if some people get annoyed by its light shining in their eyes. You have full permission to shine on.” ~Unknown

I used to be a rebel. I was the girl at the party who would waltz into a room and have everyone in awe, their attention and curiosity caught by my presence. I felt it, they felt it, it was magnetic. I loved it—I had become the girl I wanted to be.

That was until one …

How I Found My Place in the World When I Felt Beaten Down by Life

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“Some people are going to reject you simply because you shine too bright for them. That’s okay. Keep shining.” ~Mandy Hale

After I finished school, I was excited about moving forward with life.

I thought about the career that I hoped to have, where I hoped to live, and the things that I wanted to accomplish.

After starting off as a secondary high school English teacher and becoming disappointed with the ongoing changes in the public school system, I went to graduate school for law. I thought it would open up a lot of possibilities, but it did not.

I …

My Attraction Experiment: Why I Created a Dating Profile with No Pics

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“Being attracted to someone’s way of thinking is a whole different level of attraction.” ~Unknown

I have been divorced for ten years now and thought it would be fairly easy to find “the one” once I was set free from the ties of the wrong one. To my surprise, it has been harder than I thought it would be. I have found many but not “the one.”

I have been on Match, Bumble, Plenty of Fish, and blind dates, and even dated a longtime friend to only find myself single going into my fiftieth year on this planet. It …

7 Reasons I Was Scared to Take up Space and How I Boosted My Confidence

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“You are allowed to take up space. Own who you are and what you want for yourself. Stop downplaying the things you care about, the hopes you have.” ~Bianca Sparacino

I deserve to take up more space. Plain and simple. By taking the space I deserve, I further build the confidence I need to live a rich life that resonates with who I truly am.

Over the past several years, I’ve had to navigate a new life after hard breakups, difficult career transitions, and moving back home. I’ve had to face the feeling that I’m not doing enough. …

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