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Posts tagged with “miscommunication”

11 Important Things I’ve Learned in 11 Years of Marriage

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“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” ~Dave Meurer 

My husband and I will soon be celebrating our eleventh anniversary. By no means do we have the perfect marriage or are we the perfect couple. Over our eleven years of marriage, I’ve recognized a few critical areas needed to build a solid and lasting union as a couple.

Here are eleven things I’ve learned in eleven years of marriage.

1. Communicate.

In the early days of my marriage, I was terrible at communicating my feelings …

Dear Parent of an Estranged Adult: What Might Repair Your Relationship

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Dear estranged parent,

I know it’s not easy to feel cut off from your child when you still feel love and maybe even remorse. I know you might feel confused about why your adult child is so upset, and you might even feel angry and wrongly accused.
Perhaps there’s some truth to that. I don’t know why your child cut ties with you, but I can share a little of my own experience and then offer some tips that might help, regardless of your unique situation.

So why did your son or daughter cut you out of their life?

I …

When You Strongly Disagree with Someone: How to Find Common Ground

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“The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” ~Pema Chodron

I was recently having dinner with a group of friends, and I casually mentioned that I’ve been making more effort in my life to help prevent climate change.

Across the table, someone looked straight at me and said, “You know human-induced climate change isn’t real, right?”

I was shocked because I’ve known this person for years and we’ve always agreed on important topics in the past. I immediately shot back with, “Umm, yes it is!” and proceeded to tell him exactly why he was …

A Guide to Saying No Without Guilt: 7 Steps for People-Pleasers

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“You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no.” ~Unknown

Why is it so hard to say no? The uncomfortable buildup of emotion I felt while contemplating dropping the ‘n’ word used to have me rushing around town, home, and work for the people I loved in a heartbeat.

I remember one day I was on the cusp of complete overwhelm with the responsibility of being a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, and business owner. Hanging up the phone with a potential new client who was keen to work with me, I was wired. I …

Why Judging People Hurt Me and 5 Things That Helped Me Stop

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“It’s very easy to judge. It’s much more difficult to understand. Understanding requires compassion, patience and a willingness to believe that good hearts sometimes choose poor methods.” ~Doe Zantamata

In the past, judgments kept me safe. They reassured me that I had worth. That I was right. That I was good. I believed I knew the “right” way to live.

I felt I could clearly see the truth of matters. I didn’t understand why others weren’t always able to grasp the truth that I saw. However, the real truth was that my inner world was full of turmoil.

Since adolescence, …

Why We’re Afraid of Real Connection and Why We Need Deeper Conversations Now

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“It’s one of the great paradoxes of the human condition—we ask some variation of the question ‘How are you feeling?’ over and over, which would lead one to assume that we attach some importance to it.  And yet we never expect or desire—or provide—an honest answer.” ~Mark Brackett, Ph.D., Permission to Feel

I used to feel so satisfied if I had made them cry.

Not in a twisted, sadistic way.

I just knew once things went quiet and they felt safe, we could peel back enough layers, the tears would flow, and we could finally get to the truth. The …

What No One Tells You About Setting Boundaries: The Good, Bad, and Ugly

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“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ~Rumi

Three years back was the first time I dared to set a boundary and be assertive in a friendship, and guess what? She blocked me off her phone, and we stopped being friends.

It came as a rude shock because I was quite invested in the friendship. Not only did we have good times together, I had helped her search and find a job and even babysat her kid for a long while free of charge. I felt betrayed …

Hurt by Negative People? How to Stop Taking Things Personally

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“Some people are in such utter darkness that they will burn you just to see a light. Try not to take it personally.” ~Kamand Kojouri

The saying goes that money makes the world go round, but of course that’s not true.

It’s our relationships.

How we relate to other people and how they relate to us keeps our world turning. When things go well, all’s right with our world. When things go badly, it can feel as though our world has ground to a halt.

This is exactly how I felt whenever I had a difficult experience with a …

Feel Hurt in Your Relationship? How to Get Your Needs Met and Feel Closer

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“The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers.” ~Deepak Chopra

I used to handle hurtful situations in relationships the same way. I’d get angry, shut down, get irritated, or just give my partner the silent treatment. This just led to more of what I didn’t want—separation, loneliness, and frustration.

So one day I made up my mind. I was going to change my approach and try something different. Cause we’ve all heard that famous saying from Albert Einstein: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different …

5 Tips to Repair the Damage From a Misunderstanding

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“The biggest problem for humanity, not only on a global level, but even for individuals, is misunderstanding.” ~Rinpoche

There will always be misunderstandings in life. That’s a given.

The question is, how much damage will they do? How will misunderstandings affect our fulfillment? Our overall happiness?

And I’m not talking about the “Three’s Company” style of misunderstandings, which result from mistaken identity or eavesdropping. Those eventually get resolved with a cheesy group-hug, until the next episode, anyway.

No, I’m referring to the more insidious kind of misunderstandings.

Chances are, you’ve experienced serious misunderstandings that were initially ignored or swept under …