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Am I codependent? I feel awful

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Viewing 15 posts - 136 through 150 (of 163 total)
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  • #388443
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita

    I enjoyed reading her post.  It was spot on.  I am almost prepared for mediation tomorrow.  I’m calm about it because the things we will be going over in my opinion are not argumentative.

    My friends and Jason have said they do not understand my texting most of the time.  In fact this has caused some issues with Jason.  I feel like this is just another issue of mine.  I’m not even sure what I am doing wrong because it makes sense in my head. I do think I just text fast, don’t proof read before I send it.  However-this is the way I text.

    I’m tired and I don’t think I want to see Jason anymore.  I do not think he has the patience to deal with my issues.  I have made it very clear from the beginning that I have anxiety and I can be reactive.  Right now he is thinking about if he wants to continue and we are going to talk tomorrow.  I’m ready to just say forget it.

    Lindsey

    #388446
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Yes, Cali Chica’s post is excellent.  Be prepared and keep yourself as calm as you can be,  before and during mediation tomorrow. Please let me know how it goes!

    My friends and Jason have said they do not understand my texting most of the time“- you are very clear here, posting, your posts are well-organized and follow logic perfectly. Maybe you can text.. slower?

    Right now he is thinking about if he wants to continue.. I’m ready to just say forget  it“- that’s what I felt like saying to him as well: forget it! I mean: if he doesn’t want to continue.. then he shouldn’t. You are not here to chase him or beg him, for crying out loud!!!

    anita

    #388538
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita-

    Mediation went well. I was very calm and was able to communicate what changes I needed and how my ex should respond and act.  He was panicky and nervous because he would call me out on things but then not have the proof. I was able to back up my statements and refer from emails and texts. We will be finishing up next Friday.
    I have no idea what happened with Jason. Well I do know I should have stopped things before last night at dinner.  I had decided not to go to dinner. I didn’t think based on his personality he wanted to even deal with my anxiety.
    so I didn’t text like I was supposed to and he sent 2 texts asking me to go so we could talk and I said ok.
    Dinner was a disaster. We didn’t have the same views about anything. I was also frustrated because I was there and he wasn’t talking. But he brushed me off and I knew at that moment he had decided not to move forward. The end was very awkward. I texted him when I got home saying what just happened- you never talked and that’s why you invited me. So he said he didn’t think we were compatible and I agreed.

    I don’t understand why he texted me after sending a long text questioning if we were right for each other and then being persistent to meet for dinner.

    I feel lost and confused and wonder why he was insistent.

    lindsey

    #388540
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Mediation went well. I was very calm and was able to communicate what changes I needed..  I was able to back up my statements and refer from emails and texts“- excellent job, Lindsey! You were prepared and calm.. I am proud of you!!!

    I have no idea what happened with Jason… he sent 2 texts asking me to go so we could talk and I said ok. Dinner was a disaster. We didn’t have the same views about anything. I was also frustrated because I was there and he wasn’t talking“-

    -I don’t understand: if he talked to you over dinner about his views on a variety of topics, then.. he was talking, wasn’t he?

    anita

    #388543
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita

    he had asked me to dinner to discuss us. He was on the fence about continuing to date. I had ignored his texts where he was saying that but he persisted and I answered his text. I agreed to met him for dinner that Friday.  I changed my mind and didn’t text him like agreed. But he texted later and I agreed.

    Apparently he decided he didn’t want things to continue during dinner. And I sat there feeling embarrassed. It almost felt like he set the situation up on purpose. To be the one saying no while I sat there. That sounds odd I know.

    I should of never went to dinner. Or responding to him.

    lindsey

    #388544
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita-

    i should of listened to my gut and ended thing way earlier. But his texts were persistent

    #388545
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I am sorry, Lindsey, I figure it was not a good idea to meet a man who is “on the fence” about dating you. If a man is on the fence, better leave him sitting on the fence, as uncomfortable as it may be sitting on a fence, particularly if it’s a metal wire fence. You are not a charity case to plead a case for someone to date you! Try to let this disappointing experience go and learn from it, so next time a man  is on a fence.. leave him there and .. walk away!

    anita

    #388546
    lindsey
    Participant

    2nd Addition

    maybe I shouldn’t care at all about any of it.

    lindsey

    #388548
    anita
    Participant

    Dear  Lindsey:

    He is not that important in your life, really: in the overall scheme of your life.. he is not anyone of significance. Maybe he will be a significant part of some future woman, but he is of no significance to you. The exciting part is the future point when you will be of significance to someone and he will be of significance to you! I will be back to the computer in a few hours. Please do your best to let go of .. whomever makes no difference in your life!

    anita

    #388549
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Your conclusion to the entire situation is spot on. Too bad it took too long for me to realize.

    Very easy to take things personally when that is not the reality. Give me 2 more days and I’ll be back on track.

    lindsey

    #388553
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I hope you get back on track even sooner than 2 more days. You did such a good job in mediation, give yourself the credit you deserve.. don’t let a guy of no significance in your life upset you any more than he already had!

    anita

    #388699
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    So I am having to reschedule mediation for a week or two because I cannot get off work.  While I would like for it to be over rescheduling is not a big deal.

    I’m not doing well and I don’t know why.  It’s the dinner with Jason.  I don’t know how to explain the atmosphere to you at dinner but I felt embarrassed, hurt, confused, and wanted to get up and leave.

    I didn’t take control of the situation to help myself.  I didn’t say the things that were on my mind. We make our on closure and move on from things that do not matter yet it’s hard.

    Everything is the same other than that.  Trying to figure out Thanksgiving brunch plans with the kids.

    Hope you are well-

    Lindsey

    #388702
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I am well-enough, considering the climate change floods around here,  thank you.

    not doing well..  It’s the dinner with Jason…  I felt embarrassed, hurt, confused, and wanted to get up and leave. I didn’t take control of the situation to help myself.  I didn’t say the things that were on my mind“- it’s not taking care of yourself when you needed yourself to be there for your own self, not taking assertive action: saying what’s on your mind, getting up and leaving.

    When we are Frozen in place, feeling voiceless and powerless- we feel all these things you listed. I remember the confused part most of all, when I used to Freeze instead of taking assertive action: it was very distressing for me. The only way to not feel these things is.. well, you know: to practice being there for yourself, to stand up for yourself, to take assertive action. (But not after the fact, by let’s say texting him later, but right there and then, in the restaurant.

    anita

     

    #388839
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I was just reading your last post from Tuesday.  Guess what. On Wednesday Jason texted me asking if we could start over. He felt a lot of pressure and that we were picking at each other’s texts in a negative way.

    I just sat there looking at my phone.  I had just went down the stairs and sat on the couch.  I told him I did not understand his texting because of how awful dinner was.   I still don’t understand. I gave him some boundaries and said if he wanted to go on another date he can text; I’ll be free next week.

    I’m still confused as to why anyone would do that.  No one has reached out to me again like that.

    I have no idea what I’m going to do or really what to think.

    Lindsey

    #388840
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    This is a surprising development…

    I told him I did not understand his texting.. .   I still don’t understand… I’m still confused as to why anyone would do that… I have no idea what I’m going to do or really what to think“- anita to the rescue then, lol ! If you have a record of the texting you are confused about, any record of what he said that is confusing, a simple description of a confusing interaction, you can post it for me and maybe I can point toward some clarity.

    anita

     

Viewing 15 posts - 136 through 150 (of 163 total)

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