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Am I codependent? I feel awful

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  • #388843
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I will try my best to make this clear.  In my opinion there was a disconnect with texting.  He felt by statements I made that I was trying to rush into a relationship. (I asked him if he wanted to see a picture of my dog and he said that’s what people do when they are in a relationship. According to him I had just broken up with my boyfriend so I wanted to get into another relationship quickly.  I gave some recommendations for movies when his car was in the shop and he said I was telling him what to watch)  However, at other times he would give the impression that we were not short term.  That if he wanted to hook up that he would not ask me to do things with him.  He made comments more than once about me probably talking to multiple guys.  When I would not send a photo of my ex to him he said that it’s because my ex is better looking.

    I felt pressure by his statements that he was trying to sleep with me or rush into. I felt protective of myself with sex. (He said once you start kissing and other things it leads to sex right then.  There is no “messing around” at times and then later that lead to sex down the road.

    His stories sound bizarre.

    I believe he may be codependent once in a relationship.  That when he feels pressure he gets rude.  He says he felt pressure when we went to dinner.  (We were supposed to talk about what we wanted moving forward-this was his idea by the way).

    Lindsey

    #388845
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    He sounds suspicious, like he is suspecting you of trying to hurt him, or trying to make him feel bad and get him into a bad situation..  in the following ways: (1) “trying to rush (him) into a relationship” when he is not ready for one, (2) trying to trick him into a relationship by asking him “to see a picture of (your) dog“, (3) trying to get him into a rushed relationship with a woman who lacks judgment, as she “wants to get into another relationship quickly“, (4) trying to get him into a rushed relationship with a controlling woman who tells him what to do and pressures him: “I gave some recommendations for movies when his car was in the shop and he said I was telling him what to watch… when he feels pressure he gets rude.  He says he felt pressure when we went to dinner“, (5) trying to get him into a relationship with a woman who is “probably talking to multiple guys“, (6) trying to get him into a relationship with a woman who is telling him that he is insulting, telling him that other men are better looking: “When I would not send a photo of my ex to him he said that it’s because my ex is better looking“, (7) trying to frustrate him sexually (if I understand correctly): “He said once you start kissing and other things it leads to sex right then.  There is no ‘messing around‘”.

    Inspired by the words in the movie Forrest Gump, I say: RUN LINDSEY, RUN!

    anita

     

    #388846
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    You are so funny.  Yes I definitely think so.  When I got the text on Wednesday I just thought what is going on here.  I  Just don’t understand.  Maybe there is no need to understand. Just Run.

    Lindsey

    #388854
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Thank you. I am not funny that often, so glad it happened today!

    I just don’t understand“- seems to me that on one hand he wants a relationship with a woman, on the other hand he is suspicious of women, so if you get into a relationship with him, you can expect a big headache, and more of that “I feel awful” that is in the title of your thread.

    anita

    #388940
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Once I dropped of the kids to school I came home to an empty home.  My ex sent a message from the parenting app “reminding” me that he will pick up the kids on Thanksgiving at 2pm and return them at 8pm.  It makes me very sad because what am I going to do all day?  I’m not with my family or my extended family.

    He continues to be very passive aggressive.  On Saturday Ella and I took Aiden to a batting cage for a batting contest with teams of kids.  I was told he would have a game at 5-we got there at 4. He further stated it would be over by 6-Aiden and his team would not win against that team.  No only did he play at 6 he also played at 7.  Ella and I left at 7:30 because she was bored and we were both hungry.   For the last 2 months he has been doing drop off at a vet’s office by my house.

    Sarah was there with Brayden and we were talking on the couches and walking around.  Sarah is Dan’s husband.  Dan is Amy’s ex husband.  Amy is my ex’s girlfriend.  Bradyen is Amy and Dan’s son.

    My ex has made comments about Sarah and I being friends. That night he dropped Aiden off in front of my house.  On purpose  because of Sarah and I at the batting cages talking.  He knows he is not allowed on my property.

    So I’m just feeling down.  My father asked if I would come up for Christmas to visit for the weekend and take the kids back home with me.  I said ok but changed my mind. It is not healthy for me to be around my mother. Not at all.  I would come home and lose the emotional gains I have made.

    Lindsey

    #388941
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    My father asked if I would come up for Christmas to visit.. I said ok but changed my mind. It is not healthy for me to be around my mother. Not at all.  I would come home and lose the emotional gains I have made“- excellent choice, I am proud of you for making this wise choice!

    Thanksgiving.. It makes me very sad because what am I going to do all day?  I’m not with my family or my extended family“- you can plan a very nice, private time for yourself: music, a hot bath, posting here if you need to talk to someone. It can be a nice day for you, really! Besides, regarding Family, I have a saying: sometimes family is just another F word. I know it sounds crude but it is true.

    Try to focus on what is right in your life, try to place your ex in the periphery, as much as possible, and his girlfriend too.

    anita

    #389090
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    How was your Thanksgiving Day and how is your Thanksgiving Weekend?

    anita

    #389187
    lindsey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thanksgiving day went pretty well.  I enjoyed breakfast with the kids and dressed them up in cute clothes. I then started putting away Thanksgiving decorations and putting up Christmas stuff. I did a little shopping for the kids and got a few more Christmas decorations for the house.  Did you enjoy your Thanksgiving?

    I was feeling lonely and Saturday went to a causal dinner with Jason.  At the end he handed the check for me to pay. I said no and got annoyed.  Long story short I walked out.  And the next morning woke up to a very nasty text message sent at midnight from him.

    Work is busy today.  I’m kind of going through the motions.  I don’t really know how to explain it.

    Lindsey

    #389191
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    My thanksgiving was fine, thank you. I feasted on Cornish Hen, my baby version of Thanksgiving turkey. Always good to read about the lovely quality time you spend with your kids!

    Jason handed you the restaurant bill to pay… following an argument or a fight?

    anita

    #389193
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    No we had just finished eating and I was watching the TV above the bar.  He put the check beside me and knocked on it was his finger.  I looked at him and said “are you kidding.”  He said no you should pay  this time. I paid last time we went to dinner.  I just looked at him.  Then I said if you are being serious I’m going to get up and walk out.  Dinner conversation did not go well and I was just ready to be done.  He got up and walked outside to smoke and was muttering to himself.

    While I was waiting I thought to myself I bet he is going to leave. But he came back.  That’s exactly what he said with a smile on his face. He almost decided to leave.  As he was saying I should at least pay for half I grabbed my things and walked out of the restaurant.

    Lindsey

    #389197
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    How crude of him, for crying out loud! This is the only excellent part of the dinner: “As he was saying I should at least pay for half I grabbed my things and walked out of the restaurant“-

    – Remember how you regretted not walking out on him the last dinner? Well, you did it this time, congratulations!!!

    anita

    #389201
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I have to say that’s one of the best comments/compliments I’ve heard from anyone in a long time.

    Thank you so much.

    Lindsey

    #389204
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    You are very welcome, you certainly deserve my sincere compliment!!!

    anita

Viewing 13 posts - 151 through 163 (of 163 total)

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