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Am I codependent? I feel awful

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Viewing 8 posts - 76 through 83 (of 83 total)
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  • #385910
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    the only thing I am proud of is that I never reached out to S.  And I thought about it more than once.  I just cleaned, took afternoon naps, bought a really good book.  Peaceful/lonely“- I am proud of you too!!!

    My ex never let my children and I go to the circus on Sunday. I basically begged on Saturday at the football game“- never beg him- or anyone- ever again! (except in the most extreme circumstances, of course).

    I have a referral for a female attorney and I am calling today.  It’s not going to be fun seeing my savings take a hit“- sorry about that, but it is necessary to involve an attorney so that your and your children’s mental health doesn’t take any more hits like the recent one!

    There is something wrong with my ex and his girlfriend A… Everything they criticize me for they do… They are vultures.  I’m going to make sure there is never direct communication-going to use a 3rd party for everything.  Make sure there is lots of space at events“- I put in boldface the part I like the most.

    Also, when person X criticizes person Y’s behavior, it is often the case that X engaged and/ or still engages in that same behavior.

    My mom texted me yesterday asking if I still had my wedding ring so she could make a necklace with the diamonds.  I got a little upset“- something is wrong with your mother, is the thought that comes to my mind as I read this. Seems like she has no empathy for you, no empathetic understanding of you.

    It’s one thing after another.  I am not feeling my best.  Because it is too much for me part of my brain has shut down“- not feeling your best but you are functioning your best, I am impressed!

    anita

    #385965
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita

    I feel very thankful to have you as a friend and sounding board. I’m glad that you were impressed.  I do feel a little better today but there are times when I look around and think what is going on with my life.

    I am waiting to schedule a phone meeting with the attorney.  She texted me this am.  I have a to do list-next is call the children’s psychologist to schedule an appt.

    Other than that just making it along lol.  So far no storms brewing (not real storms) hoping it stays calm.  I pick up the kids today a 4. Very excited.

    Lindsey

    #385966
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    You are taking the right action and you are feeling good about it, I am indeed still impressed! I too hope that you stay calm while taking real action, legal and practical- against your ex’s aggression and against any and all aggression around your children!

    anita

    #386250
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I had my phone call with the attorney; Her name is Rachel and I was very impressed.  I guess I should be since her firm charges a 5k retainer but she estimates it will cost about 3k.  We meet at her office this Thursday.   I am editing some paperwork attached to our divorce degree.  That way one less thing to do and it’s all set up for the meeting.  I am rolling the dice that my ex will not have an attorney.  I’m about 90% sure he will not be able to afford one.  He and his girlfriend appear to spend a lot of money in general looking good for appear sake.  It still is a bit of a worry.

    The kids and I had a lot of fun this weekend. On Saturday afternoon after Football game and Cheerleading we went to the opening day of Rader’s Farm. It is a fall festival type place that has barn animals, activities for kids and a corn maze.  I was able to ignore a text chain that could of ended in back and forth toxic comments.

    I have episodes of loneliness just like I used to get with  anxiety.  I believe that it will decrease and I ride the wave until it goes away.  It’s much easier to ride of wave of loneliness versus the wave of anxiety lol.

    #386253
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I agree: loneliness is easier than a wave of anxiety! Good to read about the fun weekend you and your kids had: I can imagine the corn maze, I live in an area that grows lots of corn.

    Very good to read that you have an appointment with Rachel this Thursday: make sure to tell her how that man, that ex (whom I do not like!) impacts you when he texts you or talks to you  otherwise.. and yells and what not, and how you have reacted to him in the past: texting him back, yelling back.. however you reacted to him, so that she prepares a legal document (and whatever it takes) so that there is-I hope- no  direct contact between you and the ex: no texting, no calling, not having him in your place or you being in his place, no talking in-person.. nothing! Also, include his girlfriend in it!

    anita

     

    #386400
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    It’s Friday, the day after your appointment with the attorney. I hope it went well???!!!

    anita

    #386404
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita:

    Happy Friday!  The appointment was interesting.  Her name is Rachel and she is very nice, funny, and approachable. I would be friends with her outside of her being my divorce attorney.

    My expectation was that she would handle everything and I would not have to do anything lol.  The good news is she is filing a motion that my ex is required  to attend  mediation again with me and agree to the changes I am requesting.  If he fights the changes (which he should not-none of it is about child support or custody)   we would go to court.

    I’m nervous to have a 3 way phone call with him and the mediator Karen.  I don’t think this situation is going to be quickly resolved.  I’m tired about the situation in general.

    I am going out with friends tonight.  I don’t remember the last time I did that.

    Other than that a little stressed about work.  My manager stated yesterday she was seeing a few mistakes on a certain area of my work.  While I think it’s very minor-and so does a co worker I’m frustrated.  Is she looking at things more closely because I was struggling last year? I think my work is really good considering the long list of things our department is struggling with-mostly low staff.  I could keep going on with complaints. Am I being defensive?

    Lindsey

    #386405
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Happy Friday to you too and I hope you have fun on your well-deserved night out with friends!

    Rachel sounds like an excellent pick to handle what you need handled. Have patience and the result will be an easier life for you and for your kids!

    My manager stated yesterday she was seeing a few mistakes on a certain area of my work… I think my work is really good considering the long list of things our department is struggling with-mostly low staff.  I could keep going on with complaints. Am I being defensive?“- I don’t think so: I understand your frustration. But maybe, as a manager, she figures that it’s her JOB to criticize the employees under her management, that otherwise.. she wouldn’t be doing her job! Her people skills are probably not as good as Rachel’s, not even close.. right?

    Lindsey

Viewing 8 posts - 76 through 83 (of 83 total)

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