Dear natalee:

So you think that he still loves you and that he really doesn’t have a girlfriend, that he made it up so to hurt you. And you are hoping that he will stop hating you and be your boyfriend again, right?

anita

Dear natalee:

Then tell him so, tell him that this is what you think he is doing, and ask him if you and him can talk about it all, and maybe you can learn from your shared experience and become better people for it ,using your own words (?)

anita

Dear natalee:

I re-read your first post on page 2 of this thread and see if anything new comes to mind. You are 16, dated Jessi Feb-June, 2021. He “was so sweet, kind, talkative, very funny, helpful, amazing, and most of all, a good boyfriend… it was perfect”. But in May 2021, while Jessi was so sweet, etc., and the relationship was perfect, you flirted with an old crush and sent him a partial nude picture. Next, your mother made you tell Jessi, you did, and his response: (1) at first, “he hugged me and was pretty mad”, (2) the next day “he broke up with me”, (3) six days later, “he came back and we got back together… for 3 weeks”, (4) June 25: “he dumped me again. he said he could not live with the fact that I cheated”.

More about Jessi’s response: “when he left the first time, he was wiping tears from his eyes as he was leaving. he was so hurt, but he loved me so much”.

You then mentioned a third guy, “this kid in my gym class” who fell in love with you, and you  “flirted a little back” when you were still Jessi’s girlfriend. When you posted your first post here, you were considering pursuing a relationship with the new guy (“Can’t choose between an ex and a new guy”, is the title of this thread).

On a later post, you added that Jessi “did mention before we broke up, that if we ever did, he would want to be the friends with benefits”.

I never asked you, natalee, but it may be the time to ask you: how is life at home, what is your relationship with your mother, with your father.. are they married (your mother and father) and how is their relationship?

You don’t have to answer these questions, of course, but the answers may lead me to better understand what is happening in your mind and heart regarding Jessi, the old crush and the new guy.

anita

Dear natalee:

Maybe, just maybe  the reason you flirted with the old crush and got interested in the new guy while still in love with Jessi – is because you badly need attention from guys, because you grew up not getting enough attention at home (your mother  being too busy raising her kids by herself)?

I am asking (and again, you don’t have to answer) because understanding yourself better will surely put you in a better position to make better choices in life, including in regard to relationships with guys.

anita

Dear natalee:

You are welcome. I’d say: give up on the ex and move on. About the new guy: get to know him slowly, before getting too close: ask him questions, answer his questions, talk a lot, don’t jump into an intimae situation too soon.

anita

Dear natalee:

For as long as you have this question in mind, do not get involved with the new guy, because if the new guy gets to be your boyfriend and then you leave him to get back with your ex, the new guy will get hurt,  maybe very hurt.

Before you get into a relationship with any new guy, make sure that you are really over your ex.

anita

Dear natalee:

It will help you a great deal to get over your ex if you knew that he is over you. Problem is, he walks by and you imagine that he looks sad and that maybe he wants you back (and maybe he does, I don’t know). Your friends maybe suggest that, and your hopes keep going up. You then have his pictures by your bed (if I remember correctly) and you keep imagining being back with him.. all that makes it impossible to get over him.

If only you could have a long conversation or two with him, in which you can figure out: does he want you back OR not. If he doesn’t, case closed, right?

* Your choice in regard to getting back with him should not be a matter of his choice alone, but a matter of your choice as well. It is possible for you to change your mind about him for whatever reason. (Often a girl is in love with a boy and sees him as Mr. Wonderful.. but later, when able to see him better, he doesn’t seem so wonderful anymore)

* Also, you have a great need for attention from guys, like I suggested earlier and you agreed. This excessive need for attention stands in the way of you making good decisions for yourself in regard to guys.

anita

your right, idk what i was thinking. i will chat later, i am at school.