June 22, 2020 at 6:17 am #359225
“About contacts, even though I rarely initiate, I always respond, and I expect the other does that , too”- I too wait for a response to my first message before I send a second message.
“I talked a lot when I was with him.. Yet I would leave some things unsaid at the same time, as they weren’t necessary to be addressed”- I too leave some things unsaid, I don’t say everything that’s on my mind all the time (that would be a non-stop talk), plus, we should all be reasonably selective as to what we choose to say).
You wrote that “he made it clear from the beginning that he didn’t want a girlfriend”, and that “in the future, just if I’m ‘lucky’, the next one would be willing to commit”- meaning, you are interested in a committed relationship with a man. Regarding the one this thread is about, you figure that you would be “better without this man now”, but you are still mourning the loss.
Feel free to correct my understanding at any time, to bring up something I didn’t respond to, and to post anytime you feel like posting. Like you, I always respond. And I hope you feel better and better.
anitaJune 23, 2020 at 3:17 am #359276
Would you say that the idea of waiting for a response to move forward kind of limits one’s action? I just can’t go on without paying attention to others’ reactions.
Yes, I’m interested in committed relationships, but it’s difficult from the beginning with this man because of the distance, even if he wanted to give it a try.
Thank you once again.
One thing I’ve been curious, you’re not the founder of this website/forum, right?June 23, 2020 at 5:26 am #359280
You are welcome. No, I am not the founder of this website/ forum. I am a member, no different from you except that I am and have been very active here for over five years. All through these years of daily activity, I’ve been motivated by my desire to learn about myself/ people, curious about people’s stories, wanting to know more and more. That keeps me active here.
“Would you say that the idea of waiting for a response to move forward kind of limits one’s action? I just can’t go on without paying attention to others’ reactions”- I will need an example/ context so to understand what exactly you mean. Generally if you send a person a message, you want a reply before sending a second message. But if a person fails to reply to every single thing in your message, that’s okay because it is difficult to reply to every single thing in a message (unless it is a very short message). People most often read and get focused on one item in the message, or too many items per message overwhelm them. Or part of the message distresses them- so they either do not respond to the distressing part, or they don’t respond at all.
Do you want to explain to me further what you meant by the question?
June 24, 2020 at 11:35 am #359418
- This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by anita.
I admire how you present yourself here to help others daily, that’s unselfish.
About my last question, for example, I say something to the other person, but my principle of waiting for the other to respond before going further, when there’s no cue (or “green light”) for me to go on, even if there’s more I’d like to share, I can only keep silence. The whole idea kind of limits myself, right?June 24, 2020 at 1:15 pm #359438
Thank you. I still don’t understand your question well, so I’ll answer best I can to what you may have meant by it. If I talk to someone and he/ she does seem to listen to me, says nothing to indicate that he/ she listened to me, then I don’t want to keep talking/ communicating with that person. If a person repeatedly ignores what I say, then it is a red light to further communication.
Did I answer your question? If not, it will help me understand better if you give me an example.
anitaJune 25, 2020 at 10:49 am #359526
Thank you, I’d do that as well if one repeatedly ignores me; however, if one simply doesn’t reply or keep the conversation going, even for once, I’d see it as a sign that he or she doesn’t want to talk, then I’d leave him or her alone even if I have other things to tell. I know some people don’t take it personally, and they’d just say or share, but I don’t want to risk being rejected “again”June 25, 2020 at 11:24 am #359529
You are welcome. I agree, if “one simply doesnt reply or keep the conversation going, even for once”, I too don’t “see it as a sign that he or she doesnt want to talk, then I’d leave him or her alone even if I have other things to tell”. And I too want to avoid being rejected.. again.
Well, I do reply to you every time, so as long as you want to- keep the conversation going!
June 26, 2020 at 12:12 pm #359644
- This reply was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by anita.
I hope to bring good news here next time, for now I’ll relax and try to free myself.
Thank you for replying always <3
Stay healthy and see you!June 26, 2020 at 12:57 pm #359655
I too hope you bring good news here next time. But I will be glad to read from you no matter what news, thoughts and feelings you bring here next. Thank you for wishing me to stay healthy and I wish you the same!
anitaJune 27, 2020 at 11:30 am #359763
Here’s my new thoughts 🙂
I just read an article saying what’s comfortable for adult friendship, part of it was remembering the other but only contacts when necessary or once in a while to give space, the fundamental idea seems to be respecting every one’s life.
When I wrote that in my own words, I can understand the concept, however, I can’t practice that with most people. I’ve a friend whom has been in touch daily for over 6 months now. Besides the friend, I think it’s okay for me to leave the conversation for a couple of days, but when the time is beyond that, I get the sign/cueJune 27, 2020 at 11:52 am #359765
If I understand correctly, you are saying that with the friend you’ve been in touch (almost) daily for six months, when there is no contact with that friend for two days, you are okay with it, but on a 3rd day of no contact, you see it as a sign that the friend does not want to be in contact with you anymore. Did I understand correctly, and are you currently on a 3rd day (or longer) of no contact with the friend you mentioned?
anitaJune 28, 2020 at 9:57 am #359843
My apologies for confusion. With this friend, the contacts are daily, though we stopped once because of a small misunderstanding, but we cleared that (I made a similar but stronger point that the other wouldn’t hear from me again if it’s not my turn to speak, hm, now it sounds like a threat, thankfully, the friend understood what I meant).
I was specifically referring to that man when I wrote that I couldn’t practice the respectful behaviour, probably because 1) the pattern was different from the beginning, 2) he’s not merely a friend, so when there was no interaction for longer than what it used to be, I got worried and insecure. Of course, it’s all ended at the momentJune 28, 2020 at 10:14 am #359846
I think that it will be best, in your next relationship with a man, to talk at the very beginning about communication practices and agree on how long after you send him a message, will he reply to you, placing a time limit on replying to your messages. Then as time goes by, evaluate: did he respect the time limit that the two of you agreed on.
anitaJune 29, 2020 at 9:47 am #359943
Thank you, I hope for a better one.
Until then (or I’ll be here if there’s anything I can be assistance of)June 29, 2020 at 10:52 am #359952
You are welcome. I too hope for a better relationship for you. Thank you for offering your assistance: if you want to, and if you feel comfortable with it, you can reply to members who started threads here. (But keep in mind that not every member who starts a thread responds to those answering their thread).