Hi Tom,

My advice is to remain friends at most and friendly at least. You don’t need to be a surrogate father to a baby for a woman you only went on a few great dates with. If you break up, the baby will lose a father  (twice! if you think about it). Maybe when you guys are forty and the baby is a teenager you can reconnect and be an Uncle Tom. She should really be talking to the actual father about this.

Good Luck whatever you decide!

Inky

Hi Tom,

Happiness is very underated. Are you happy when you’re with her? Do you want children some day? If you feel that there is something that could be great between you and this woman, i wouldn’t give up on the relationship. Hope this helps.

Hoping for the best!

Terri

Dear Tom:

You asked for advice. My advice: if you choose to continue this beginning relationship, keep getting to know her. Observe and learn, over time.

She told you that she had “a one night thing” months ago, got pregnant and didn’t know she was pregnant until one week ago, and now the pregnancy is too far along to be terminated. It is possible that what she told you was true. It is also possible that parts of it are not.

When a woman does have a one night stand, one or a few, unprotected,  and her period is late, I would think the woman might get concerned about being pregnant and get one of those very inexpensive pregnancy tests available at any pharmacy, over the counter. At 30, she didn’t think of it? Possible.

anita

Hi Tom,

there are many reasons why she had a one night stand a few months ago and we don’t know them so perhaps, as Anita says, get to know her more and assess her character and just ask her. Normally gut feelings are right about a person.

it’s not an ideal situation but if you are serious about her, and it sounds like you like her, then my thoughts are that life rarely is ideal and you have to think if you would regret not sticking by her at this time. Only you know that. You could be friends, but in my experience it’s hard to be friends with someone you fancy/have feelings for and that could make it more confusing and harder if you decide to end it. so if that’s the case perhaps not be in her life at all for now.

Only you both can work it out how you see fit and only you both know best. I appreciate it is a dilemma but normally your gut feeling, deep down knows best eg when you first wake up, in the shower or driving you normally have a feel for where you should go.

Dear Tom:

She appears to be genuine, to you, and she may be. She was clearly upset when telling you- I can understand that liking you as much as she does, she was upset at the idea that she will lose you once you knew of her pregnancy. But she had to tell you because planning to keep the pregnancy going, you were going to find out soon enough.

anita

* Dear Inky: One of the very best of Inky’s. I had to put it out here.

anita

Tom,

I agree with others here that she’s possibly not telling you the entire story or is very careless. With STDs being on the rise, who the heck does not use protection with a one night stand?? I’m shocked if that is the case.  I’d offer her your friendship but not more until you get to know her character much better. I’m not a parent but have witnessed how a child changes the dynamic of a couple. The child will always be a # 1 priority to the parent (s) and this child is another man’s.   Good luck to you.