Haha I totally get the whole thing you said about being with your friends and feeling like a burden and thinking should I go now? Am I intruding? Am I wasting your time? I totally get that. It is like I can’t actually think they would enjoy to see me as a person. I also know I take it personally when they don’t reply to messages for a few days or don’t tell me about Thier lives so much. Like in person it is good but I get anxious if they don’t message. I won’t message them about it or even mention it (unless I think something is really wrong) but it is also at the back of my mind. I think I need to relax more. People have said that to me alot.

I also understand what you mean about acting crazy and just getting emotional. I think it is hard when feelings are so strong I guess in your case you can see how she could live her life and how she could face her fear and how her life may actually be improved for it, but she is still scared and hangs back and doesn’t really know why she does things or why she feels like she does or lashes out in that way. She sounds very much like me in that way. Drawn back to someone but not quite learning the lesson but knowing there is something important there to learn. Very frustrating. It is like adding 2 +2 and getting 6 each time. It must be frustrating for you when she does that on social media in terms of trying to get your attention but then backing away again. I agree that therapy may help and at least she is taking the steps to actually face things 1:1 with a therapist and talk about all this stuff. Apart from you she may not have done that before if you were one of the only people she actually opens up too. Has she been with her partner long?

I think you sound so mature about it all. Like knowing you miss her but also seeing it from a very rational angle about her issues and giving her space in therapy to see what she does. It sounds like she has alot of work ahead but it is good you have been honest about how you feel to her. How long did all this go on before you cut ties or she started to get distant? I imagine she will come back at some point to thankyou for what you have shown her. I wrote a letter to the person I loved thanking him for showing me certain things and teaching me things (I didnt send it) but I also told him at the time what I had learned from him.

I just hate feeling so stupid and alot of the time around him I felt so so emotionally young. How did you get to be so wise and mature and kind of ‘at peace’ with how you feel? I felt conflicted and guilty and ashamed and torn and in love all at the same time and I could not, for love nor money, see the wood from the trees. He begged me to. I left and moved out and tried to. But my whole head felt like a fog and I went from numb to crying and back. There seemed so many factors and I could not sort out which u should follow- my heart, my gut, my head, society, family ties, morals etc etc it all kind of swirled round and round and I was exhausted. They say follow your feelings and personal happiness is most important but I somehow could not do what my feelings said. They also changed too. Very confusing. I think you are so patient and mature sort of stepping back from the situation and you speak so kindly of her in therapy- true love.

Ah I have heard of twin flames but dont anything about it, just heard the term so I will Google that. I have not heard of the law of polarity either so thank goodness for the internet!

I think you hit the nail on the head when saying that if you aren’t ready to hear something it won’t sink in.

What do you mean about her choosing the dark? Like choosing to stay down? Or choosing to be in denial about her feelings/life?

I like the idea of what you said about trusting life and that it works out the best way for us and I can totally see how it links to self trust as I don’t trust myself at all – and this relationship with him showed that- but also I don’t trust life at all. I did not expect to fall in love or someone like him to love me back for the short time he did e.g I did not expect any good thing to happen.

Your dream  with L sounds eye opening in that it showed it was both of you running from different things. Did you think that at the time eg you were running too or only after the dream? Funny how things work out. I do believe in the power of dreams eg I had a dream that I met up with him after he was married and asked “do you have any regrets” and he said no I am happy with my wife she is the one. I then woke up and my heart was literally burning. Very hard to hear. I had another where I had waited to talk to him in a car park and he ignored me and got in his car and drove off. I ran after the car and he saw me and shook his head with tight lips and looked so angry and disproving at me. I also had a dream about 10 months ago after I had bumped into him and he said he would never speak to me again, of him behind a changing room door smiling at me. We talked for a small while then the door was closing and he was getting fancy dress outfits put on him so he was getting more and more covered up and I just watched until his face was covered. I kind of got the impression after that dream that he was did not have any hard feelings toward  me. I don’t know. Probably wishful thinking. I did think, because of these dreams maybe my consciousness and his are meeting in this way in the kind of dream world but who knows. I have had dreams before that have come true many years later with details I would not of known otherwise eg once I dreamt about the office and computer I would work at at my first job and that was what happenes about 6 years later.. but who knows ! It is hard when I find the dreams painful eg the one in the car and also when he said no regrets, my heart hurt so much and I felt so alone when I woke up. Have you dreamt of L since?

Beinga life coach sounds a rewarding career. I think most people would like a helping hand and someone to help make sense of everything. It sounds like the training happened just at the right time.

I also get what you mean about focusing on the past as it distracts us from the present time. I find my mind going to him when I am sad or tired or hear a certain song. Sometimes I wish I could just erase all the memories as it makes living hard eg there are alot of triggers.

I googled twin flame on a website called Lone Wolf. Alot of the criteria really made sense to me eg that he made me grow, it felt like I had known him before and that he would often be my opposite eg I would act like a victim, not consciously, and he would say “stop being an idiot”. I was 100 percent authentic around him. He also used to say I knew you were going to call or we would call or text at the same time. He was and still is I imagine, a very intuitive person.

It has definitely impacted my life in a major way. I would not of confronted aspects of myself or gone to therapy or done yoga or ran or done alot of things if I did not meet him. However alot feels in my own head and heart. Eg he has moved on years ago whilst I still am impacted by it all whilst it says twin flames always feel the connection. So maybe it is more because I gave myself to him emotionally in a way I had not before and so it meant alot to me and whilst it meant something to him too at the time, I think he was more able to rationally move on and fall in love. It gives me comfort to think we may meet in other lifetimes as weird as that sounds as it did feel like I knew him before in a werid way and I said this to him. Time also did not exist in that we could talk for hours or look into each others eyes for hours and it would feel like 5 minutes. Very strange. However I do not have alot of experience with relationships so maybe that is just what it is like with anyone in the honeymoon period. I do not know. It felt different to me and that’s what I mean about my heart “feeling” something now but who knows.

Did you tell L about the idea of twin flames? What was her reaction if you did?

In terms of the inner work it suggests to do, do you have any examples of this please? Is r like yoga or journalling? Or more like facing my fears and leaving.