Feel trapped in a worsening situation

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This topic has 8 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 4 months ago by Buruberu.

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July 22, 2014 at 2:39 pm #61502
Buruberu
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Hi. I have written on the Tiny Buddha forum before and found responses really helpful. I have a situation now that I am struggling with and thought to write again in case anyone has suggestions.

It is around 2 years since I lost my job working in a competitive industry, for which I had taken out a loan for quite niche training to get into, and moved away from my family for. I had entered into a relationship with a man who became violent towards me, and my performance at work had suffered. Then I was a witness in a court case against him that kept getting prolonged. The feelings around this were really difficult and combined with the lengthening period of unemployment meant I struggled to get new work in the industry. I eventually took a low paid job to cover my rent, with the hope I would be able to find something through making applications outside work hours. After over a year I am still doing this job full time. I apply for things but keep getting rejections. I developed a side project relevant to the industry I hoped to work in, but so far it hasn’t led to anything.

At work in the low paying job I seem to be increasingly short-tempered and sad, to the extent I think I may lose it, and despair of myself. Also, often now I come home and just get into bed. My parents aren’t together and I don’t know if they could give practical help, except by allowing me to move back in with one of them in the small town I am from, which would mean breaking connections with the industry, close friends and my boyfriend.

Thanks for reading.

Laura
- This topic was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Buruberu.
July 23, 2014 at 3:31 am #61560

Inky
Participant

Hi Laura,

It’s tough out there, I’m not going to lie. I wouldn’t take it personally, it seems to be happening to everyone.

I’m not sure if your old relationship made you quit/leave/get fired from your job? I’m sorry for having to go through a court case. I would (seriously!) find a shaman in your area who does soul retrieval. If that is too far out for you, someone to help you do a releasing ritual. That will help remove any inner blocks.

Rent: Can you get a room mate?

Can you find work in the same large area of interest? It’s hard to give advice without knowing what industry. Let’s just say English majors sometimes become History professors. Cousins of interest, not siblings.

Hang in there!

July 23, 2014 at 4:28 am #61561

The Ruminant
Participant

Hello Laura,

For the sake of your burdened psyche, try to see the things that have happened as separate events. Not as a mass of things that are drowning you. I don’t know what kind of inner dialogue you have each day, but if you go through these things in your mind often, then it’s going to be really difficult to see the opportunities and possibilities of taking another path. It’s like rummaging through the attic and insisting on holding onto all dusty and broken items and carrying them around everywhere. In a sense, there is nothing wrong with old and broken items, if you can pay attention to them one by one and see their worth. The problem is a landslide of items that simply become overwhelming.

So, take one thing at a time and focus on that and see what you can make out of it. Everyone has competition, but still some people succeed. So competition in itself does not block your success.

If the court case is over, then take some time to really put it in rest and behind you. If it’s still ongoing, then keep it as a separate thing from the rest of your life.

If you haven’t dealt with the past relationship and spent time healing from it, then do that separately as well.

Even marathons are run one step at a time and all big projects become manageable when broken down to pieces. Baby steps…

July 23, 2014 at 4:53 am #61562

Big blue
Participant

Hi Laura,

You have a tough challenge, but with this great advice and your own grit you can reach your goals.

Have you tried this? I found great success in getting jobs in new markets by working with established recruiting / staffing companies. Find one to three in your target market and for the positions you seek, and meet with them. Once they know you, they will play match maker and coach.

Big blue

July 23, 2014 at 5:28 am #61566

Buruberu
Participant

Thanks so much for these replies.

Inky – yes sort of, I took some time off and my boss said she needed someone more reliable and cut short my contract. I think going to a shaman is a bit far out… I live in a houseshare. The industry is journalism and I have started to look outside, but am trying not to give up on going for what I really want though applications often require lot of time to no response.

The Ruminant – everything together does feel too much at times, hence the sense of being ‘trapped’. I feel like a wounded animal on open land, too tired to try protect myself and about to get eaten up! The court case ended in February and I don’t think about it much now, although it seems to have affected my level of trust going into a new relationship. Falling out of work is my main fear, if I lose this job I think I will lose so many things and be at rock bottom with nothing at 28. The other fear is my boyfriend walking.

Hi Big Blue – I did try that and none (of 7) replied! Maybe I should try others…

July 23, 2014 at 5:46 am #61568

The Ruminant
Participant

Laura,

The suggestion still stands 🙂 If you ruminate over all the possible things that could go wrong or wait for an inevitable doom, it will take too much of your resources. It is no wonder that you’re exhausted. Try to focus on only one thing at a time. The rest will have to wait for their turn. When you’re with the boyfriend, be completely with him and try not to think about the other stuff or guess what might happen to you two in the future. The future hasn’t happened yet.

Also, don’t wait for other people to give you chances to do what you want to do. You’re not a victim of your own life. You’re the boss of your own life. Other people do not decide your destiny. You do.

July 23, 2014 at 6:58 am #61572

Anyone
Participant

Hi Laura,

When we have faced torture our mind fears it all the time, just as it happens with a child who has been abused. So I would advise you to be strong and more importantly put up this strong face if that person comes again to torture you. Be calm, polite, composed and strong with your words. And everything around you will change for the better!

Don’t be afraid, and whenever you get any fearful thoughts, remind yourself that nobody has a right to hurt you. You have all the rights to stand up for yourself. And please, detach yourself from people who hurt you, that’s very important.

Love and courage to you my dear…

July 23, 2014 at 7:40 am #61575

Inky
Participant

Could you have a blog where you can “hone your craft”? Be a journalist for your own blog! The more popular it gets, the more attention you can draw to your cause. Your fans will eventually grow in number so someone will want to give you a job, or will point someone to you! Just a thought!! Then you won’t feel as languishing in your current job.

July 25, 2014 at 11:11 am #61756
Buruberu
Participant
Hi all, sorry for the slow reply. I had a couple of better days at work in my day job.

Yes I hear you The Ruminant. I am trying…it’s an old habit now although I know it definitely does help to try to see things separately. And it is my fears about losing things/people I love and falling further into a bad situation that are upsetting me, and that haven’t happened yet. It’s hard to see myself as the boss of my own life because then I only have myself to blame, and being strong all the time is difficult. I really am trying in different ways to advance my career all the time, but it still isn’t enough.

Anyone – thanks so much, your simple words “nobody has a right to hurt you” have stayed in my mind, I hadn’t thought in such clear terms before about the previous relationship.

I like this idea Inky, and thanks for the positivity of your post. I am actually working on a project to get my name out in my spare time although it’s slow progress. I also did look outside the industry into charity, local government and the civil service where my skills might still be worth something, but they are competitive industries too. But I should keep on with that. It’s a case of keeping myself together to do it.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Buruberu.
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