Are you looking for honesty (rude as it may be)? Or,  looking for a socially polite answer?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Tommy.

Hi Brian

I would add that here it might be helpful for you to politely discuss when you feel uncomfortable around others.

In person, when socialising setting boundaries doesn’t necessarily involve discussion. It might simply be politely asking someone not to do something or politely excusing yourself. With closer friends or family discussion might be involved if they are open to it.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Helcat.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Brian

Thank you for sharing that, it means a lot! It helps me understand you.

I don’t mind if you don’t answer questions. Your thoughts and feelings are private and it’s up to you whether you wish to discuss them.

Life is too short to put up with people for years.I doubt many people have the capacity to do such a thing. Were there any specific things those people did that gave you that impression?

There is a saying that you might find helpful. If someone treats you poorly, it says more about them than it does about you. This means the way that people treat each other is often dictated by their internal world. Someone in a good mood is more likely to respond positively even when confronted with challenging circumstances. Whereas someone in a bad mood might respond poorly to everything.

I can understand the difficulty of finding the right balance and appreciate your honesty.

I hope we can continue speaking. I think you communicated your thoughts and feelings very well. I feel this conversation has been meaningful.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Helcat.

Hi Brian

Thank you for elaborating on the issue!

Whilst some people do this when they don’t like people there are other reasons why people act in this way.

1) People may have difficulties that they are not discussing.

2) Often people have fairly small circles of close friends. Then there tends to be friends that they talk to less frequently.

3) Some people have very busy lives, especially those with children and working for example.

4) It is really easy to read a text then put down the phone and forget about it.

I’m not trying to defend these behaviours; simply explain that at least some of the time the intent may be different. I think it’s great that you set boundaries by not interacting with people that don’t put effort into maintaining a relationship.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Helcat.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Helcat.

Yes Tommy. When you tell someone you refuse to speak to people when you disagree with their values and they share those values it is called being dismissive. Another value I have is called setting boundaries.

Hi Brian,

Regarding job application as, for me at least, that’s something I have learned to our a lot if preparation into before the interview – the job requirements and the organisation, especially through asking others who have worked for that organisation or in that type if position. As I have worked in the same field many years, th asts not too difficult.

I’m very happy in my current job, largely because I like the people and I feel I fit in.  However, I have had jobs which caused me a lot of unhappiness and where people who just plain nasty.  I have had a couple jobs now in the same o organisation- one I only stayed in for 3 months.  The staff treated some of the ,  clients badly, and they soon knew I wouldn’t follow suit.  I reported them to management. It turned out they didn’t like these people either and they had wanted to get rid of some if them for years, but it’s not always easy.

Regarding outside of the workplace, like you, I’ve got just a few good friends, one in particular, and I’m comfortable with that. I really don’t need lots of people in my life, just a few good ones.