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How do I stop caring what others think?

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This topic contains 109 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 week, 5 days ago.

Viewing 5 posts - 106 through 110 (of 110 total)
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  • #311359

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lily:

    I don’t remember you sharing that you self harm- how did you self harm recently?

    Clearly you need to spend time with people, we all do, being the social animals that we are born to be. And in addition to it you are a young woman and you need a romantic/ physical relationship with a man. But K was not a good candidate- so a relationship with him wouldn’t have worked no matter what.

    In a future relationship you will need a man who is inclined to talk and plan, to  express his expectations and needs clearly and openly and listen to yours. You definitely need, maybe more than most people, a man who will clearly and honestly communicate with you, so that you will not be wondering and guessing.

    It will be very easy for you, really, to figure out a good candidate for a relationship-  a man who likes to talk would  be a start, an extrovert, a verbal person, one who loves words.

    anita

    #311367

    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    welll, it’s not like I cut myself, but sometimes I hit myself, mainly against my head. Today I became upset and I had just bought a tiny plant and a terracotta pot and then I smashed the pot against my head and the pot broke. Last week it was worse… then I hit my hand with a metal chair and my little finger still hurts from that.

    I don’t know why I do that, but when I get very upset sometimes it happens. During the last months, I felt a lot of stress, but hopefully it will get better now.

    Maybe some day I will find someone. But I have to take it very slowly. The importance of that became more clear after what happened with K. An extrovert could be the right one. Usually I feel comfortable with people who talk more. Then I feel less stressed about having to say something. And that might lead to me also talking more.

    But I guess it will take some more time before I am ready to meet someone.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 5 days ago by  Lily.
    #311375

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lily:

    It may take some time but you will be able to spot the right man because you  will hear him talk.. a lot (he will have to be quiet sometimes, of course, so to hear what you have to say!

    Yes, I remember you mentioned hitting yourself long ago. I suppose it fits with the unfortunate core belief you have (one that I had before as well) that you are wrong, or a bad person, and therefore it feels almost… right, to hurt yourself, to punish a bad person, or a person who does wrong. Am I understanding correctly?

    anita

    #311383

    Lily
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    yes, I think you are right. I know I feel a lot of self-hate during these moments and it is maybe like a punishment too. My therapist also noted that my father used to sometimes hit me on the head too.

    My hope is, that now that I am removed from the dormitory and starting over again, I will be able to calm down more and focus on my healing process.So that I will be less distressed and not hurt myself with bad thoughts or physically.

    But for now I will go offline. Have a good day anita! And thank you for your input!

    #311389

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lily:

    You are welcome. And no matter how you feel- don’t hit yourself. When you feel that urge, say to yourself: I do not hit myself, I need love, not hate! And then replace an act of hate with an act of love for yourself.

    anita

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