Hello Caitlyn!

Something that’s good to remember is that there is no stagnant state in this world, where everything would always stay the same. It’s scary, so we don’t like to admit that and would prefer a more predictable state of things, but that’s just not possible. So, you can be a positive person in general, and still have periods of negativity. You can also be totally in love with one person, and still feel appreciation or love for someone else. That’s going to happen at some point regardless of what you do. Mind you, feelings aren’t the same as actions, so you both can choose how you act upon your feelings. You’re allowed to feel insecure, and you don’t have to suppress that feeling, but it’s not a good idea to act upon those insecurities. In the same way, he’s allowed to feel appreciation towards other people, even women, but it’s not a good idea to stray from a mutual agreement (your relationship) just because of that appreciation.

Since these are things that will happen, then why not just allow them to happen and instead of trying to control it, just put your energy into something else, like focusing on how great you are! You and Jennifer Lawrence can both be great in the same time in this world 🙂 You can even find joy in seeing other people be wonderful if you’re feeling good about yourself. When you feel good about yourself, you’ll know you are unique and special and other people’s uniqueness and specialness will just add to the wonderful experience that is life, and not take away from it. How to feel good about yourself is probably one of those personal journeys that is different to everyone. Mine has been long and winding, and I do know that even feeling good about yourself isn’t something that’s a constant. There are days when I feel terribly insecure, but then I listen to myself and why exactly am I feeling so insecure, and try to solve those issues. I try to be genuine, I try to keep choosing myself as my most important relationship, I try to focus on things that make me happy and are interesting to me, I try to make room for myself to grow and express myself without fear, and so on.

Be compassionate towards yourself. We all feel insecure from time to time. The important thing is to deal with it with compassion and in a healthy way and not allow it to take over.

BRUNO, where do you get the idea HE needs reassurance? Clearly SHE is the one who needs reassurance, you’re making this way too complicated.

Caitlyn, you already know this is silly. You’ve already told yourself it means nothing, that he’s not doing anything wrong, that Jennifer Lawrence is just a picture. And it hasn’t helped.

Jealousy, whether reasonable or un-, is much easier to let go of when you’ve got your partner on your side. You can explain to him that you feel this way (and make sure to stress you know it’s unreasonable, and he’s not done anything wrong) and ask him the questions you’re asking. Does he think you are amazing? Does he think you’re pretty, even though you look completely different from this other person he thinks is pretty?

Expressing your feelings, exposing your insecurity and vulnerability and asking for reasonable reassurances will help you guys be closer. If you keep telling yourself it’s silly and you should just get over it already, it may fester inside you. And if this is how you feel when he gives somebody’s picture a thumbs-up, I hate to think what you’ll be dealing with if he ACTUALLY develops an interest in someone else. And he probably will at some point, if your relationship lasts. And if he chooses you despite that interest, and you can handle this without going crazy, your relationship has a good chance to last.

Be careful not to blame him for what you’re going through. So not like this: “I don’t like it when you talk about Jennifer Lawrence that way. It makes me jealous.” But more like this: “I know this is really dumb, but I’m having a little insecurity, can I talk to you about that? Can you tell me that I’m amazing too, and you don’t like Jennifer Lawrence more than me? I know you don’t, but I’d just like to hear it.”

Jealousy is poisonous to relationships. Work on it together.