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I am so scared of being hurt by others I have no one at all.

HomeForumsEmotional MasteryI am so scared of being hurt by others I have no one at all.

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 139 total)
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  • #399845
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Lea. Post anytime and I’ll reply!

    anita

    #399943
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>I cannot focus. At all. I cannot concentrate. I cannot sit through a movie without becoming bored, I can’t watch a full youtube video, it takes a lot for me to read an online article, I get bored of conversations after a few minutes. I’m so stupid because if something instantly interesting or stimulating I’m bored. Yes I know that’s not how the world works. My parents remind me all the time. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>I know I have things to do but I cannot make myself do them- and if I do it takes hours. Even if it’s a task that doesn’t need to take very long. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>I have a final to study for tonight and I have sat at my desk for hours, and I haven’t been able to study anything, except complete a few questions. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>One moment I’ll be looking over calculus equations and the next I’ll look at the time and realize that I’m actually watching a YouTube video on keeping bees- which is related to nothing of what I’m supposed to be doing. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>The only thing that used to make me to be able to do stuff was deadlines- now I’m aware of deadlines and have extreme anxiety about them but I still can’t do anything. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>I know I’m a lazy butt and I need to just stop procrastinating and just do it. I’m trying but I know I can try harder- it’s killing me. I hate this about my self. To the point I just want to yell and scream. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>I cannot stand silence- but I tried working in silence, i’ve tried classical music, I’ve tried coffee shop ambiance sounds, I’ve tried nature sounds. working in a coffee shop or library isn’t an option for me. I’ve tried time limits- if I don’t finish something by a certain time then I’m not allowed to eat for the rest of the day, I know it’s unhealthy but it worked once.</span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″> I tried Pomodoro, I tried scheduling, I tried lists, I tried making myself consequences, I tried rewarding myself with a piece of chocolate after I finish something, I tried meditation, i’ve tried rewarding myself with positive brakes. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>What I’m learning is not even that hard, what I’m trying to do isn’t that hard. It’s like literally one moment I’ll be focusing really hard on something I’ll be really into it, and then I’ll end up doing something else and then I will come back to reality and be like wait I need to be doing something else. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>I’ve tried changing my diet, my lifestyle, i’ve tried exercising more, I walk 5km at least a day, I have animals I’m my life that make me smile. I have social anxiety and no friends which does bother me.
    </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>I set aside 5-6 hours for school a day but maybe actually end up doing 2hrs worth of work.</span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″> I’ve try drinking caffeine, I’ve tried every diet you can imagine. Right now I haven’t eaten Simple carbs in weeks- I don’t buy bread, crackers, buns, oatmeal etc. I eat meat, fruits, veggies, salads nuts. For lunch I had nuts, prunes, raisins, a protein shake, cheese and plain popcorn. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>Hasn’t done much for me. And my mom told me there’s nothing the doctors gonna do that could possibly help my situation. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>Today I haven’t done anything related to school. I’m trying to see that my desk and study, i’m trying to do practice questions. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>Somehow I my grades are amazing- which is difficult  to believe, but I do stuff sometimes and I take so long perfecting it I get good grades. But I’m behind. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>I still have half of my courses left and three weeks to finish them. I’m half way through all 3 of them and only have 3 weeks for each. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>
    Occasionally I’m so angry at myself sometimes I just want to hurt myself not often but sometimes- which I haven’t done and I have enough self control not to but I’m so upset so angry. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>I can’t go to the doctor, because like what is the doctor gonna do. I have an appointment booked but the soonest I can be seen is early September- and my mom is going to be there and she just thinks I need to get over myself- I’m starting to believe that too. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>If I could just focus and get stuff done then a lot of my stress would be gone. </span></p>
    <p class=”p2″><span class=”s1″>I’m really posting this because I need someone to tell me to suck it, get a drink of water and do my god damn studying.</span></p>

    #399944
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Lea!

    Sorry I can’t find on the thread. Do you have an adhd diagnosis? If not, it might be a good idea to do that asap. Doctors can prescribe medication to help with this. Please mention to your doctor that these feelings cause you to want to hurt yourself but you have self control and don’t act on them.

    You are doing everything you can to address these issues. You are trying so hard that you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself!

    These difficulties with studying sound very frustrating and like they’re causing you anxiety.I can understand why you feel angry and upset.

    I don’t think you are lazy. You are a bright, hard working young lady. I’m sorry that studying is difficult for you because of these issues. I am confident that despite these difficulties you will get through it because of the wonderful qualities you possess.

    I hope a doctor can help you ease these difficulties. I wish you luck with your studies.

    Recently, have your parents been giving you grief about your difficulties studying?

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by Helcat.
    #399946
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lea:

    Please relax best you can, maybe a hot shower or a bath will help, a hot cup of tea, a walk outside. Do your best to not be angry at yourself, calling yourself lazy etc. It is very important that you to think positive, kind thoughts about yourself, not negative and harsh. I will add to this in about 11 hours from now.

    anita

     

    #399947
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Helcat:

    I am tearing up thank you for all of your nice words. I am so frustrated and so upset I feel like I’ve tried EVERYTHING!  I do not have an ADHD diagnosis. My parents don’t believe in adhd and especially don’t think medication can help. I haven’t heard good things about ADHD medication.  My parents don’t get upset with me because I’m not studying or doing school they only get upset when I mention I’m having trouble studying or staying focused if that makes sense. It took a lot of convincing to get my mom to book me a doctors appointment for it but it isn’t until early September- COVID is bad here. She seems to take is a a personal attack- like it makes her a bad mother if I’m having any problems with anything. I’m really hoping I can get through the rest of school year without any major mental breakdowns.
    I love to learn anything about everything it’s something I’m super passionate about. If this is ADHD it’s getting worse by the week. It’s so stressful and I feel like I’m drowning in the anxiety of trying to make myself focus and study. Any time I try to tell my parents I can’t focus i  usually  get a comment from them like- “just get it done” “you make such a big deal out of nothing” “once it’s done it will feel better that it’s done” or “you can go see your animals if you just get it done”- like mom. I know. Mom mom says she proud of me and how well I’m doing but it takes everything out of me. Once I write a final and make myself focus- it takes everything out of me. I can’t do anything for the rest of the day. I love what I do- I love learning but I can’t focus on anything, I feel completely useless.

    #399948
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Edit: my parents do tease me about how slow i am to complete any task. Something like I could’ve done it in half the time why are you taking so long? Or Just hurry up! Or they make fun of me and say she’s going lea-speed One gear lower than tractor speed.

    I also often forget things and my mom gets really upset- with good reason but- like the other day I forgot to take the garbage out because I was studying for a final exam- The next day she was really upset I told you to do this five times. And I was just like I forgot. And she was like you always forget.

    #399949
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I’m 100% sure my lil sister has ADHD too and I told her that she probably has it and listed her the symptoms. She then decided to tell our mom who looked at her rolled her eyes and said “Lilly you don’t have ADHD” my sister is extremely hyper, can’t focus, says stuff impulsively, will randomly dance around, randomly yell and shout, she forgets stuff as easily as me, she has trouble with school. Like all the traditional hyperactivity ADHD symptoms- my mom even knows it but she just tells my sister  to calm down. I suspect that even if I had a diagnosis not much would happen. While I’m living with my parents I’m not sure if I’d even be able to get meds. Maybe- maybe not.

    #399951
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Anita: I’m going to try my best. Thank you so much. Im going to curl up with a blanket watch some tv and take a few notes for my class- as I do have a final exam tomorrow worth 20% of my grade. Thank you all.

    #399954
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Lea. Please do curl up with a blanket, take a few notes and rest. have a restful sleep. I will be back to your thread in about 10 hours from now.

    anita

    #399979
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lea:

    I’m so stupid…. I know I’m a lazy butt” – don’t refer to yourself in these negative, unkind ways. It reminds me of what you shared earlier: “I let people call me names and underestimate me all the time and just sit there nodding” – it is time to stop letting people call you names and underestimate you, and it is time for you to stop doing these two things to yourself!

    I hate this about myself. To the point I just want to yell and scream… Occasionally I’m so angry at myself sometimes I just want to hurt myself” – time for you to stop hating (any part of) yourself! And help yourself, don’t hurt yourself.

    I tried working in silence, I’ve tried classical music… I’ve tried time limits… I tried scheduling, I tried lists… I tried rewarding myself with a piece of chocolate…  I tried meditation… I’ve tried exercising more, I walk 5km at least a day…  I’ve tried every diet you can imagine… Somehow, I my grades are amazing” – congratulations for getting amazing grades and for trying all these things: you are resourceful, creative and intelligent! Clearly all these things that you tried are working for you; not all the time and not completely, but they are working for you, nonetheless.

    I feel like I’ve tried EVERYTHING!” – did you try never (!) calling yourself names and underestimating yourself?

    My parents don’t believe in adhd and especially don’t think medication can help” – the diagnosis of ADHD and the symptoms listed in this diagnosis exist without your parents’ belief and support.

    It took a lot of convincing to get my mom to book me a doctor’s appointment for it, but it isn’t until early September” – congratulations for successfully convincing your mother to book you an appointment, another success on your part!

    What is to follow is what I read about ADHD from Wikipedia.  I have suffered, and still do, from ADHD since early childhood. From a certain age onward, I’d say that my case has been primarily inattentive (ADHD-PI). As I type the following, I will be thinking about how it applies to me, and how it applies to you. It will be long and include many terms, please don’t feel any pressure to focus and understand all that follows (all quotes are from Wikipedia unless stated otherwise):

    “The symptoms of ADHD arise from a deficiency in certain executive functions”. Executive functions are “a set of cognitive processes that are necessary for the cognitive control of behavior: selecting and successfully monitoring behaviors that facilitate the attainment of chosen goals”.

    Basic Executive Functions include (1) attention control which refers to an individual’s capacity to choose what they pay attention to and what they ignore… In lay terms, attentional control can be described as an individual’s ability to concentrate”, (2) inhibitory control is the ability to inhibit impulsive behaviors and select instead appropriate behaviors consistent with meeting goals,

    (3) working memory is the ability “to hold information temporarily… working memory allows for the manipulation of stored information… Most theorists today use the concept of working memory to replace or include the older concept of short-term memory, marking a stronger emphasis on the notion of manipulating information rather than mere maintenance”,

    (4) Cognitive inhibition “refers to the mind’s ability to tune out stimuli that are irrelevant to the task/process at hand or to the mind’s current state… Failures of inhibition were identified in treatment of adults with OCD”,

    (5) Cognitive flexibility is “an intrinsic property of a cognitive system often associated with the mental ability to adjust its activity and content, switch between different task rules and corresponding behavioral responses, maintain multiple concepts simultaneously and shift internal attention between them.

    The above are the five basic executive functions. “Higher-order executive functions require the simultaneous use of multiple basic executive functions and include planning and fluid intelligence (e.g., reasoning and problem-solving)”.

    “The executive function impairments that occur in ADHD individuals result in problems with staying organized, time keeping, excessive procrastination, maintaining concentration, paying attention, ignoring distractions, regulating emotions, and remembering details… ADHD has also been associated with motivational deficits in children. Children with ADHD often find it difficult to focus on long-term over short term rewards”.

    ADDitude/ Inisde the ADHD mind: “It is heartbreaking to learn that your child with attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) has become the victim of a bully. And unfortunately, some children are at greater risk of being bullied because of their ADHD. An inappropriate, or impulsive remark blurted out for the entire class to hear can attract the attention of a bully. And an impulsive retort by the student with ADHD to a bully’s provocation may escalate the situation… It is possible for your child to reduce his risk of being bullied — he just needs to understand what made him a target in the first place. ADHD can inhibit a child’s understanding of social cues, so there’s a good chance he doesn’t even realize that his classmates may find his actions annoying or inappropriate. Without excusing the bully’s behavior, identify some of your child’s actions-talking too much, clowning around at inopportune times, blurting out ill-chosen remarks — that might draw negative attention.

    “Explain that he can avoid problems with “low profile” behavior, such as using a quieter voice, keeping his comments brief, and staying attuned to whether others are interested in what he has to say. Teach her the importance of maintaining a balance between observing and talking and give her a signal when she’s talking too much. Jot down these strategies on an index card she can keep in her backpack and review on her way to school.”

    You are welcome, Lea, to share how the above applies to you.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks ago by anita.
    #399983
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Wow Anita thank you.
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>You said:</p>

    <p style=”text-align: left;”> “ did you try never (!) calling yourself names and underestimating yourself?“ </p>

    Honestly, I guess it sounds ridiculous but no. I actually haven’t. I know that saying bad things about myself leads to believing them- but I don’t know how to undo that. i’m going to try to be kinder to myself so that I can work on my tasks and try to get them done.
    about what ADHD effects in the brain I definitely felt some relation. Cognitive inhibition and Cognitive flexibility affect me the most. I try to stay concentrated the best that I can but it’s like I’m working against myself. Everything that I do is like a constant battle. And I know if I just get it done it’ll feel good does every time but for some reason my subconscious brain just doesn’t get that. On many of my assignments you’ll find tears because I end up crying at some point when doing anything. I cannot switch between tasks in a day. I cannot book multiple things in one day. If I have more than one thing booked in a day I’m completely overwhelmed. If there is something booked for the day I can’t do anything else besides that thing that is booked. I’m studying multiple subjects at the moment and I can only focus on one subject each day because if I switch between them my brain just can’t. I don’t find myself hyper active, Younger but not very much now. I also don’t find myself blurting out things like I used to when I was little. It’s mostly focus and concentration. Thanks again Anita.

    #399987
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lea:

    You are welcome. “I know that saying bad things about myself leads to believing them- but I don’t know how to undo that” – every time you notice that you just said something unkind to yourself, or about yourself, apologize to yourself and make a mental note to not say that particular thing again.

    I’m going to try to be kinder to myself so that I can work on my tasks and try to get them done” – being kind to yourself can only help. It cannot hurt.

    “Cognitive inhibition and Cognitive flexibility affect me the most” –

    study. com/ What is cognitive inhibition? “Whether or not you know it, cognitive inhibition is something you use on a regular basis in order to complete tasks, meet goals, understand others, and communicate. In order to understand cognitive inhibition, let’s start with an example.

    “Sarah and Paula are roommates who have a big psychology exam tomorrow. Sarah spends her day going over the material and goes to bed early in order to be well-rested the next morning. Paula tries to study, but instead keeps getting distracted and spends a lot of time checking her emails and social media. Once it’s time for her to go to bed she has trouble falling asleep because she can’t tune out the sounds outside of her window or stop thinking about the test. Which of these women is better at using cognitive inhibition? If you guessed Sarah, you are right.

    “Cognitive inhibition is the blocking out or tuning out of information that is irrelevant to the task or focus at hand. This mental process can be intentional or unintentional and can manifest itself in a variety of ways.

    “Sarah was able to block out stimuli that were not relevant to her task at hand (studying) or her goal (doing well on the test). While Paula resorted to checking Facebook during times she was struggling with the material, Sarah was able to suppress this response. After a long day of studying, Sarah felt prepared for the test and was also able to block out any sounds in order to fall asleep”.

    Notice it says that cognitive inhibition “can be intentional or unintentional” – meaning that people can intentionally block out or suppress distractions in the form of activities (e.g., checking social media), or in the form of thoughts (e.g., worrying about a test). Imagine intending or choosing to not worry about a test, and actually … not worrying!

    It’s like I’m working against myself. Everything that I do is like a constant battle… I cannot switch between tasks in a day… If I have more than one thing booked in a day I’m completely overwhelmed… I can’t do anything else besides that thing that is booked… I can only focus on one subject each day because if I switch between them my brain just can’t” – what you described here is the lack of adequate cognitive flexibility. Try to work with this lack whenever possible by not forcing yourself to shift from one task to another. Instead work on one task at a time, then rest, then start a different task, or find another way or ways that are working for you (not against you), ways that minimize that “constant battle” for you, a battle that exhausts you so much.

    I don’t find myself hyper active… I also don’t find myself blurting out things like I used to when I was little” – there is improvement then.. I wonder what the next improvement will be?!

    anita

    #399988
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thank you Anita. I cannot express to you how thankful I am for all of your help. Thank you.

    #399992
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lea:

    You expressed your appreciation very well, and you are welcome. Post anytime you feel the need to post, and I will reply.

    anita

    #400007
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Lea!

    How did your exam go?

    I don’t know about you, but when I have an exam due, my anxiety increases. Were you feeling anxious about the exam the other day?

    I have a couple of friends with ADHD. One said that it can take some time to find the right medication.

    One interesting thing about ADHD symptoms is that they are similar to the symptoms of other conditions. A doctor might test you for other conditions as well as ADHD.

    Did you know that stress can cause difficulties with memory? It wouldn’t surprise me forgetting to take out the trash even when reminded, if you were feeling stressed about the exam.

    ADHD can sometimes be hereditary. Are there any older adults is your family that you suspect might share these traits?

    You can tell your mom that ADHD is a neurological condition. It’s not a reflection of parenting styles. She may be more receptive.

    I have heard anecdotal reports of physical repetitive simple tasks being soothing for adhd. Like chopping wood or kneading dough. Some also find that coffee helps with focus, but others do not.

    I feel like comments like these can be hurtful and slowly chip away at you. Have you tried asking your parents not to make this type of comments? Do you think they would be receptive?

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by Helcat.
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