Haha internet connects us in weird ways 🙂

Yes this was my question and the “fix” thing, i was referring to the “pressure and responsibility” and the distance i put in between, because its not something that i feel consciously, so how can i stop it?

U talked about pressure and responsibility, i can sense responsibility, but not the pressure and the “fear” behind them, consciously.

How does one reach Nirvana? I do not know. I am still on my own journey to try to understand the truth of my nature. But, basically, I spend time each day in meditation. It is a method of gaining concentration while letting the mind disassociate from the awareness. It is a dropping of the mind. And one sits in an alert awareness. The mind is always moving. Jumping from one idea to the next thought. When combined with our consciousness, it becomes our identity. Everything one has thought is what one believes one is. This identity makes one believe one is separate. So, meditation allows for the awareness to sit in stillness/emptiness. Experiencing the stillness, one can feel the emptiness in all things and then realize one’s true nature. That we are not all separate but come from the same source. Of course this is only what I have learned so far. And I could very well be wrong. However, the people I meet along the way also seem to have similar ideas though not exactly the same.

I had a teacher when I was young. Taught to sit in lotus position. Older now and can only get into half lotus position. And still, I have pain after sitting too long. Important points were to sit up with a straight back. Close the eyes. Watch the breath. When having thoughts to let it go. Do not chase or follow the thoughts. Watch the breath come in. Watch the breath go out. When one becomes aware of being with a thought to bring the attention back to watching the breath come in and go out. Not trying to stop thoughts but to let it go.

If you want to learn more then you can go on YouTube to search for meditation. There are many techniques or methods. The one I describe is just one of them. There is another which is to repeat the same words over and over. To concentrate on those words only. Then, there is the koan which is a preponderance of a question which has no answer. To find an answer. But, just a warning. Meditation is not letting the mind wander for that is daydreaming. Day dreams are desires and wants made into images.

After much practice, one pointed concentration can bring on a state of concentration in which there is stillness or emptiness. When you can achieve this stillness, you can be at the point of being tipped over to experience the truth of your nature. But, as I said, I am still working on myself for many years.

Good morning, Confused:

I was confused yesterday but realize this morning that the questions I asked you yesterday require emotional access you don’t yet have because of your emotional shutdown.

At one point last evening (my last message to you), I thought you were avoiding my questions, not realizing you weren’t yet able to answer them.

I was trying to help you name what you feel, but it may have put you in a position where you feel that you must “perform clarity” for me.

Instead of asking you to define the pressure, fear, or responsibility (cognitively demanding questions given your emotional state), I better shift toward trying to help you notice rather than explain, asking questions that don’t require clarity — only observation. Here are two such questions:

1) When you think of being responsible for her feelings, what sensation comes up?

2) When you imagine her needing you, what’s the first thing you feel — even if it’s numbness?

🤍 Anita

Hey Confused:

As I read your recent post of only 20 minutes ago, this stood out the most: “because at some point in my life someone needed me too much and I resented that.”-

Someone who was supposed to be what you needed- needed you instead.

Makes me think of course, of my mother: how much, how desperately I needed her to be that person of calm, a person- a world I could rest in. But no rest for me.

“I perceive it as pressure and responsibility”- what was supposed to be love and calm was- not at all calm.

“Now I am mostly numb towards everything, even sadness is gone, fear too.”- that’s okay. Be numb as long as you need to be numb. You are a good person, I know it! You are allowed to take a break.

🌙😴✨Anita

Hey anita

I can’t really tell who exactly needed me, my mother did have her parents so i dont know really. It could be speculation.

But this girl’s love is calm, so that feels “unknown”/dangerous to me and i reject it? Could it all be just emotional burnout? Many scenarios arise in my head.

Thank you very much for your words 🙂
Im sorry if i reminded you of things that make you sad.

I say the same as you anita, i prefer sad over the nothingness that i have now.

Yes, thats what i do, i intellectualize everything so i dont have to feel them, therapist pointed it out too, told me to stop it.

Haha i wish it was that easy for the overthinking brain..