Home→Forums→Relationships→I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love
- This topic has 678 replies, 58 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by
anita.
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February 1, 2026 at 11:10 am #454837
anitaParticipantHey Confused:
Your mother’s input regarding her partner was inappropriate. She should have shared those things with another adult, not with a child, and particularly not with her own minor-age son!
Why did this come up with her? I don’t know
Maybe because you felt safer with her for a long time than you did with other romantic interests prior to her.Yes, you can change internal things about yourself, like core beliefs ( such as what is love, really, true love, that is), and you can change old adaptations (managing other people’s emotions), as well as becoming more authentic. It takes time, persistence, and that thing you mentioned 🙂 patience.
Can you reactivate your feelings for her? I think 🤔 that if the pressure (to manage her feeling, the pressure of feeling responsible for her feelings) alleviates- then your loving feelings for her may return.
What surely doesn’t work is pressure to feel.
🤍 Anita
February 1, 2026 at 11:12 am #454838anitaParticipant* edit: for a longer time
February 1, 2026 at 5:15 pm #454841
ConfusedParticipantI know but she did it anyway. She was also discussing things with her mother but sometimes i would be close by so i would hear. Never thought of those anyway.
I dont know if i wanna do it tbh. Maybe i will just try to control my mind and that’s all. I think i got tired of it all..
But now i feel no pressure, i feel nothing. Even hearing her voice does nothing to me (which was not the case a week ago) 🙁
February 1, 2026 at 5:34 pm #454842anitaParticipantHey Confused:
You heard her discussing things with her mother- you mean during the 3 days you visited her?
“I don’t know if I wanna do it”- you mean getting your feelings for her back?
I wonder 🤔 about the nature of your contact with her recently, currently? (may be too many ?s for one post … ?)
February 1, 2026 at 11:59 pm #454845
RobertaParticipantDear Confused
It is impossible to feel ecstatic about anyone/thing even those we love all the time, writers get writers block & artists aren’t inspired to create all day every day.
Slow down & maybe consciously think about gratitude, the small things we take for granted like the food on our plate, how many unknown people it took to bring it to your table. Give the cashier at your local supermarket a smile & thank them, gentle, short interactions will bring you a sense of connection without any pressure.
Best wishes
RobertaFebruary 2, 2026 at 12:16 pm #454859ConfusedParticipantI think we confused the situations. I was referring to my mother, did u not? I was not talking about the girl.
No no, i would like to get my feelings back for her like crazy, i mean the changing myself and stuff.
We stopped contacting each other because she told me she was overwhelmed with family stuff and she had no energy to talk, so i told her to hit me up anytime she feels better or needs something if i can help and she said “yes honey we will talk”
But its been 5 days and radio silence..My mind tells me she is trying to leave slowly but that’s what it always does, catastrophizing.I am wondering if what i have is nothing but depression/anhedonia and the stress of losing her makes it worse, and it doesn’t have to do with attachments and stuff, maybe its pure burnout/depression/anhedonia. Because i can barely get out of bed, no matter what i do i have no energy, i feel nothing, i can’t laugh with friends, i can’t care about anything.
@roberta
I am trying but nothing works, it feels as if im a spectator and im watching everything happening, i am envious of others that have life inside of them, i feel like a shell.February 2, 2026 at 12:20 pm #454860ConfusedParticipantI think the psychiatrist was wrong about me not being depressed. It doesn’t make sense to feel like that because of “fear/deactivation”.
February 2, 2026 at 12:31 pm #454861anitaParticipantHey Confused:
Oh, I understand and it makes sense- you overheard your mother talking to her mother (I overheard so much of my mother talking to her sisters/ people on the phone a whole lot. The apt was small and her voice loud. I couldn’t help but hear and I remember clearly wishing that I wouldn’t hear.
So much of it was child inappropriate 😔 .
Right before I read your 2nd message today, I thought to myself: the psychiatrist SHOULD have prescribed something for you, for depression, and then I read that you think he was wrong.
Call him maybe for another session or consultation?
🤍 Anita
February 2, 2026 at 12:44 pm #454862ConfusedParticipantYes that’s exactly what was happening in my house too.
I will call him tomorrow yes, i think he focused on the situation with the girl rather on my symptoms, but tbf i didn’t describe it all in detail. You think meds will help? Is this depression/anhedonia that masks all my feelings?
February 2, 2026 at 1:14 pm #454863anitaParticipantYes, better describe to him what you described here, your symptoms. Maybe meds will help, Confused. They often do. They help a lot of people. Research it. Have to go, be back later
February 2, 2026 at 1:34 pm #454864ConfusedParticipantIdk, i hope they do because this is no way to live a life, feeling like an empty shell.
February 2, 2026 at 3:16 pm #454866anitaParticipantIt definitely sounds like depression, Confused. It’s not just losing feelings for her, it’s like you said, empty shell, empty of all positive feelings. Did you email/ contact the psychiatrist? I imagine he can prescribe you an antidepressant without seeing you again simply because he already did most recently, So, it may be done instantly?
February 2, 2026 at 3:29 pm #454868ConfusedParticipantI will call him tomorrow and i hope he can do that. But i am still doubtful, i mean shouldn’t i be able to feel the desire for her even through this state? I worry that i am dragging her along to a fantasy of mine that maybe i will heal and want her again, but that feels impossible to me right now.
February 2, 2026 at 4:03 pm #454869anitaParticipantBest is to be honest with her without going into lots of details. In regard to should/ shouldn’t when it comes to feelings, that won’t get you anywhere.
I think I shared with you pages ago that I took SSRI antidepressants that work not only for depression but for OCD (Zoloft, there are others). Maybe you can mention that combination to the psychiatrist when you call him tomorrow.
February 2, 2026 at 5:24 pm #454875anitaParticipantHey 👋 Confused:
I just wanted to say that I hope 🙏 you feel much better soon.
I wish you’d stop worrying 😟 and overthinking and also, that you’d stop feeling guilty for how you feel (or how you don’t feel).
Feelings are not a matter of choice, so how could anyone be guilty for something that’s not a choice.
Also, like I shared with you pages ago, I was prescribed Zoloft (an anti-depressant) for OCD and it helped a lot, like a pair of scissors ✂️ cutting chains ⛓️ of thoughts, it was wonderful.
Depressing thoughts keep you depressed, cutting through them take away what fuels ⛽️ depression.
✂️ ⛓️ ⛽️ Anita
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