Hey anita

We had an honest discussion today, i told her about my void again, and how i dont like hurting her, she asked me so do u want to end it? I said “i want to stop hurting u” and she said “well u already have a couple of times, so if u feel like u are gonna do it again, please tell me”. This put even more pressure on me. We didn’t end it tonight, but i think i feel no motivation at all to communicate with her. It’s like my mind completely erased whatever feeling i had remaining for her now. Is this permanent? Will i regret it later if i leave now?

Dear Confused

Your quote “We stopped contacting each other because she told me she was overwhelmed with family stuff and she had no energy to talk, so i told her to hit me up anytime she feels better or needs something if i can help and she said “yes honey we will talk”
But its been 5 days and radio silence..My mind tells me she is trying to leave slowly but that’s what it always does, catastrophizing.”

and then a few days later “We didn’t end it tonight, but i think i feel no motivation at all to communicate with her”
Can you see the similarity? two side of the same coin, .

Depression takes so much energy to sustain its self once it gets hold. For instance I have noted in myself if I believe the initial depressive thought I feel X today and do not recognize that it is in fact just a momentary feeling, I am is writing off the whole day mentally, these “micro depressions’ if not counteracted at source & then checked to make sure that they are not true through out the day will turn into the heavy fog of full blown depression. Connecting with nature & other beings helps to water the seeds of happiness one drop at a time. We may not notice any positive changes for quite a while, but the gaping hole or heaviness can heal. Having the aspiration to have the attitude of say gratitude you smile at a stranger, help some one in need in other words fake it to you make it. It is better to do something useful with your time whilst you have the energy even if it is only for 10 minutes, there is still 24hrs in a day all of us have options. Even if one is bed ridden you can spend time in prayer for others.

I do not mean to sound harsh, more trying to help you see that there are alternative ways of being.
Kind regards
Roberta

@Roberta

What do u mean by the similarity? I can’t understand.

U mean that when the depressive thoughts come, just accept them for the moment and then shift the mindset? But what is the source?? I try many things, nature, friends..nothing works, i feel empty and hollow. I find no energy to do anything, i barely talk to people and i dont wanna see anyone.

I know and thank you for your input here 🙂

Hey anita

So you’re suggesting to pause this situation for a bit, until i start reconnecting with myself again. I called the psychiatrist today but no answer, will try again tomorrow and tell him about the anhedonia. Idk if the turbulence is caused by the relationship itself, because if i imagine myself ending it, nothing changes, i’m still empty and dead inside, so that’s not the cause.

Dear Confused

Similarity…But its been 5 days and radio silence – she has not been in touch and then your later posts states .. i think i feel no motivation at all to communicate with her. ie neither of you feel like communicating with each other. So why do you impatiently expect her to communicate with you in a timescale that suits you when she explicitly said she was overwhealmed & had no energy to talk?
I had to ask someone to give me a communication break back in October & I am still not ready to converse with them.

As to our thoughts in general you could see it as like AI everything we have seen, heard, read & experienced in our life is the input to our system. for instance I am sitting meditating & my tummy rumbles this is an input sensation, then I think “I am hungry” next thought “what shall I eat? followed by ” Shall I have a cheese sandwich?” then “No I had that for lunch yesterday” then “Hmm I fancy peanut butter” again yet another movement of thought “oh I forgot to get any when I went to the shop last week” followed by ” I better go and get some” then I move my body & stop the meditation session. Or I am meditating tummy rumbles I note the sensation “tummy rumbling” & I consciously return my attention to the object of my meditation …awareness of the breath & continue to meditate for another 20 mins or so.
I read somewhere that each of us has 64,000 thoughts a day, but how many do we recognize, believe & decide whether or not to act upon on?
Regards
Roberta

regards

Dear Confused:

I am glad you didn’t feel that hopeless today. You’ll decide when (and if) to call him. What you describe sounds like good old depression. So, you still feel good sometimes when you talk with her, but it’s only temporary? After a bit of feeling better, you’re back to feeling no motivation, etc.?

🤍 Anita

Dear Confused
I am sorry that my style & content does not appear to help you to understand samsaric life in general & or your life in particular.

I have just wrote a line & then deleted it .. the ego level of my mind was starting to take control, but then i heard the wisdom mind thought that said” this is not about me” hence the deletion.
So I will leave it here & wish you happiness & the causes of happiness
Roberta

Hey Dear ☺️ Confused:

Good thing you at least have some positive feelings from time to time. So stronger 💪 feeling have some foundation within you, a place to grow ✨️ from.

It’s so important, Confused, that you don’t pressure yourself to feel more than you do. For one thing, it’s not your fault. Blaming yourself isn’t fair to you. Secondly, you need to be accepting of yourself, to be okay 👍 with yourself no matter what- or if- you feel.

You are not a bad person for not feeling love for her. You are a good person.

🤍💪⛓️👌 Anita

Well, Dear Confused:

Yes, your feelings will come back. A no-pressure, no self-blame environment (in-between your two ears) will make it happen!

People saying “it’s a choice”, meaning it’s a choice to love someone (and yourself)? This is true only when it comes to words and actions, not to feelings. You can still love someone- and yourself (!) without feeling it (I’m using the computer at the moment so no emojis show up like they do on my phone 🙁 (this one is yours).