Well, when you choose to love yourself ( no longer pressuring yourself to feel and no longer blaming yourself for feeling- or not feeling anything(_ then, yes, feelings will follow.

🤍 Anita

Yes, it’s hard to no longer pressure yourself until it gets easy. It’s about changing a mental habit. Habits are hard to change. But it’s possible, if you have faith in the process of change 🙏.

I’ll be away for a little while (I have to walk because it’s a habit 🙂 )

I suppose thinking in a new way is always difficult. When we are in the habit of thinking a certain way, we simply keep thinking 🤔 in the same way (habit).

I just came back from a walk 🚶‍♀️ with Bogart the Beagle 🐕 and about to go on a walk on my own.

🚶‍♀️🙂🤍 Anita

Hey anita

I have to start kinda forcing my thoughts to go another way i guess..

Haha i like beagles, hope u had a nice time! I am off to sleep

Hey Roberta

Yes i think i understand what u mean. U must be talking about something like mindfulness, that u observe the thoughts and not act on them.
Have fun and thank you for your replies!

Dear Confused

That is right mindfulness is that process of awareness. In Buddhism we have the three foundations – teachings/contemplation, meditation & ethical conduct. Each of these support the other to help us along the journey. Many people do not like to think or look really deeply about their ethical conduct & what it entails and what they need to do to stop hurting themselves or others.

Maybe you could change your how you think about that empty space you have. It is an open space/clean slate where you have the opportunity to reflect & choose which seeds you want to plant & tend there……love, compassion, wisdom, empathy, community to name but a few or worry, anxiety, grasping & rejecting anger, impatience etc. About a decade or so ago I did a meditation using an apple, then I put the core in a pot with some compost & tended it, it sprouted & eventually I planted it out in the garden & kept it free from other weeds that could smother it, it kept growing & after a few years it started bearing fruit, which now many people can enjoy.

I have to start kinda forcing my thoughts to go another way i guess.. is what you said to Anita….. It is not about forcing thoughts away, more about seeing the thought, not grasping it, but gently letting it go. Then congratulating yourself for the process of spotting & letting go & then choosing where you want to put your attention. So initially you may realize that you have spent 5 minutes on a certain train of thoughts before you realize that they were un helpful. if you can you could try writing the thoughts down in reverse order. So that you can start to see a pattern or links. Then the time lapse between getting pulled into a certain kind of stream of thoughts & the noticing will get quicker, eventually you may even notice that initial spark, thought, movement, feeling or sensation and choose whether or not you want to nurture it.

Have you seen anything about the Walk for Peace – some Buddhist monks have been walking for the last 3 months from Fort Worth in Texas to Washington DC – it fills me with hope & inspiration
I hope that this has been helpful to you.
Roberta

Hey Confused:

You mean that being afraid to lose her, you lost yourself in the context of the relationship (never having communicated to her your dislikes and boundaries)?

🤔⛓️👃👀💤 Anita

Hey anita

I think that’s what might have happened yeah. I would mostly compromise myself (without her knowing) and blaming everything on my insecurities and put them “under the rug”. That could have led me here today maybe. I cry thinking a future without her in it but i still can’t feel love towards anything or anyone at the moment, so i am very torn.

Hey Roberta

I think i used to do that involuntarily some years ago and i never noticed. What does this offer to someone?