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I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love

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  • #403404
    Irin
    Participant

    I was completely ,totally and loyally in love for 25 years with my husband and then I met someone else and wasn’t. I am still in the marriage and am so confused how I could have gone from all these years of love and not imagining him next to me forever and beyond to me wanting to be with someone else. We were inseparable , two peas in a pod and I still love hanging out with him but I don’t love him like that anymore and do not feel loved the way he other person make me feel loved. And if I leave will it just happen again ?

    #403407
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Irin:

    And if I leave will it just happen again?” – I can’t predict the future, of course, but it might happen again. In-love feelings wax and wane over the months and years: their intensity changes, from most intense (100%) to a lower intensity, then up again.. down… sometimes gone.

    But you didn’t describe your 25 years of marriage as a wax and wane dynamic, but as a same-intensity, total (100%) intensity of in-love feelings: “completely, totally .. in love for 25 years“. You mean that for a quarter of a century your in-love feelings for your husband were always of the same 100% intensity?

    anita

    #403929
    kr9132
    Participant

    Me and my boyfriend broke up on Monday. For the past two weeks we have had been talking solely just as friends, and he would play some mind games with me that was really screwing up my mental health. On monday we talked and decided to end it and then he started to say somethings that I honestly don’t believe because if he was that unhappy then he should have spoke up sooner.

    #403931
    anita
    Participant

    Dear kaia:

    Welcome back to this thread. I am sorry that your relationship didn’t work out How are you feeling?

    he would play some mind games with me that was really screwing up my mental health… he started to say somethings that I honestly don’t believe“- can you tell me what kinds of mind games he played with you, and what was that something that he said?

    anita

     

    #403933
    kr9132
    Participant

    I’m as sad, as I am mad, as I am confused. I think I got over the giant hump of being so heartbroken two weeks ago when this whole thing started. He one day would go “i miss you, I miss us.” and then the next day say “I feel nothing towards you right now.” and then say “I want a hug.” He would say things like “my pretty girl” or “I won the jackpot” meanwhile he claimed he felt nothing towards me.  When we finally talked on the phone this past Monday he said “I don’t think I was every satisfied in our relationship in terms of reassurance, I didn’t like how you were pessimistic, and midway through the relationship I got tired of what we would always do the same thing.” I honestly don’t believe this really at all because all the time dozens of times a day I would say I love him, compliment him, etc. Also I have always been pessimistic since the day we started talking so if he didn’t like it at all then why did he wait to tell me sooner nor talk to me at all about it. All the time when we were together, I would ask him “what do you want to do?” He would answer with pretty much the same answer every-time so that’s what we did. Then when the phone call came to the end he said basically “I have no feelings for you but I don’t want you to date anyone else.” Basically all these things kept replaying in my head and it really wasn’t doing my mental health any good

    #403934
    anita
    Participant

    Dear kaia:

    I won’t be able to answer thoroughly before tomorrow morning (in about 15 hours), but for now: I am sorry, I didn’t realize before that he was cruel to you, at least at times. I understand you feeling sad and mad. I feel for you, kaia.

    anita

    #403938
    anita
    Participant

    Dear kaia:

    On June 28, a bit over two weeks ago, you shared that you dated your boyfriend for almost 8 months (Dec 2021-June 2022), and then the visit-from-hell (as I call it) happened: his flight to you got delayed, he couldn’t get a connecting flight, he cancelled his flight and got a new one, the new flight got cancelled, he waited for 4 hours in line to book yet another flight, and overall he was delayed 12 hours at the airport. He finally got on a plane and you picked him up at the airport. The next day he was sick with covid, and quarantined in your room, had a panic attack, shaking, couldn’t catch his breath, throwing up, said he wanted to go back home.

    He told you “I have these thoughts, that I don’t like about us breaking up, but we are okay”, “I think I a falling out f love with you”, “I love us and I never wanted to break your heart”, “I feel empty, nothing feels good right now, and my brain doesn’t feel like my own”, “I want to feel normal again”. On the way to the airport to go back home, he got a text that his flight was cancelled. He then sobbed and told you: “I want to break up… no, idk what I want”. He finally got on a plane and was gone.

    Today, two weeks later, you posted an update, more of what he recently told you: “I miss you, I miss us”, “I feel nothing towards you right now”, I want a hug”, “my pretty girl”, “I won the jackpot”, and the day before yesterday, he told you: “I don’t think I was every satisfied in our relationship in terms of reassurance”, etc.

    When I replied to you earlier today, before I reviewed your June 28 post, I suggested that he was cruel to you at times. Now I think that he has been mentally unwell for a while, particularly since the bad, bad visit. I think that he is so emotionally unstable that he is not able to be in a relationship. I am sorry for your hurt. I think you lost him due to mental illness.

    anita

    #404171
    Sage
    Participant

    Jaz,

    This is a bit different than the other pieces of advice, but I think it’s possible you’re suffering from a form of OCD.

    People with OCD often experience intrusive thoughts (which become “obsessions”) and cope with these thoughts through rituals (compulsions). Not all people with OCD have visible compulsions—some people have what’s known as “pure-o,” where their compulsions are instead mental. One form of OCD (which I believe is known as rOCD) is characterized by an obsessive worry about whether one is with the wrong romantic partner.

    The way you described this thought as “coming out of the blue,” taking over your mental space, and causing you significant emotional distress makes me think it might be an intrusive thought + OCD-like response rather than a heartfelt “falling out of love.” I’ve also suffered from a similar kind of OCD, and your emotional response sounds a lot like my own. OCD can also flare in times of stress, and it sounds like you’ve been through a lot lately.

    You can learn more about OCD, and specifically rOCD online (just look it up). Some people find talking to a therapist helpful (specifically Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, can help), I think for others, just knowing “this is my brain spiraling, not my love failing” can be enough. There’s also a workbook my therapist recommended called “Talking Back to OCD” that allows the reader to go through CBT on their own.

     

    Hope this helps!

    #404172
    Taylor
    Participant

    Hello. If you think about the fact that the campaign broke the guy – then it is so. It is sad to realize, but sometimes you understand for yourself that you no longer love a person and you don’t see him next to you. I advise you to read more about the psychology of relationships here – <span data-sheets-value=”{"1":2,"2":"https://toplovehacks.com/physical-signs-of-infidelity/&quot;}” data-sheets-userformat=”{"2":6530,"4":{"1":2,"2":16777215},"10":2,"11":3,"14":{"1":2,"2":1136076},"15":"Arial"}”>https://toplovehacks.com/physical-signs-of-infidelity/</span>. And about the advice, then be with him for a while and if nothing changes in your soul – I personally see no other option than to leave, because this way you will not torment your soul either myself or a boyfriend.

Viewing 9 posts - 61 through 69 (of 69 total)

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