Heres my email if you would rather speak via email than on tinybuddha

emilymorris28@hotmail.co.uk

x

Alana,

I’m sorry its so tough for you right now, I hope you find your better days soon. There are few things that come to heart as I consider your words.

One of my teachers told me that when we go through dramatic changes we do the best if we give them space. In Buddhism, it is said that the greatest force for change is patient endurance. Much like a flower bulb needs time to open after it is planted, our bodies need time to heal from traumas. You are doing great! Overcoming addiction is tough. Tough! Right now, that is taking a lot of your energy.

Its important to give ourselves space to heal. Self care, such as laying in bed, taking a bath, sitting in nature, cooking a meal… all these can be done with that patient endurance. “Yes, this feels icky now, but I am stepping each step with the courage to keep going… here is this feeling, and it will fade. I am healing with each moment that I make a healthy choice, it is OK to be patient.”

With each step, you’re getting distance from it. Over time, your body will heal, and that frees the inner strength that’s now focused on recovery. Then, you will have the strength to become the person you dream to be. She’s in there… she’s the one who is shedding unskillful habits.

Right now, in this moment, it is important to choose your battles carefully. If you try to recover all at once, it is like banging your head into a rock. Trust that as you keep moving forward, what is tough now becomes easy as you practice. Said differently, each big thing that you work on takes effort, and that effort can tire us out. If you work on too many things at once, you might just be tired all the time.

For now, consider breathing meditation to help build patience. It can help us build concentration (increasing your strength) and help us let go and relax. It also helps us calm our minds so that we have the endurance to get through tough times. On YouTube, you can search for “jayasaro (5) counting breaths”, which has a simple and effective method.

Do you have a sponsor? Often times, being able to connect with someone who knows the struggle can help us believe that recovery is not just possible, it is who we really are finally getting to come out and play. At AA, did you open up to the group? I’ve found that this world is full of loving and wise people, and when we bear our soul to them we are not only given help seeing “what’s next, what’s here, what to do”, but also in raw strength in knowing we are loved.

I know you can do this. I’ve seen it done by people, and you seem to be asking all the right questions and having all the right frustrations. The main point at this point is you need nurturing. Hug, bathe, sing, sleep, breathe, talk… healthy ways of saying to your body that you are beautiful and deserve special care and attention. It does! You do!

With warmth,
Matt

Dear Alana,

First of all, you look great in the picture and I’m sure people who see you smile like that could feel your happiness too.

Sorry to know that you’re suffering, however, as you’ve said in your post, you’ve tried to doing so many positive things in order to become a better you and to live a better life. For yourself and for your kids.

Right now, I also have a few important things in life to deal with, career (I quit my good job, as I really don’t have passion for it), and relationship gets rough, I’m on diet (though I’m not fat, I want to be the girl I want to be) and other minor things like the exam I always want to take, but it seems I fear of it. I’ve been struggling for those for a while, and I also remember “less is more”, as when I’m trying to deal with all of it, I can do nothing but get overwhelmed.

I once read an advice from a book, it says, just form one habit at a time. My advice for you is you priority your goals first, then pick up one. For example, to eat more healthy, and just focus on it, develop methods to reach for it, till it becomes your habit. And I’m sure you can start to build your confidence by reaching your goal daily, if fail, then try agian. I guess that’s called persistence.

Not sure if my advice helps, but at least, you have to know and remember you’re not alone and there’re many people care about you and could offer some serious helpful advices.

Love your smile, and wish you happy.

Clare

Hi There…
I am going out of my mind at the moment with worry , my daughter is being harassed by an older man who she had a short relationship with after breaking up with her long term boyfriend, her head was in bits (her words)
This man kept threatening her to tell everyone but she finally told us all when he started to come round the house, we told him we knew everything and he wasn’t welcome and that she is not interested but since then he wont stop phoning her – even though she blocked his number – hes using another phone! also hes been driving past the house too. We have called the police now twice and im now going out of my mind thinking scenarios that could happen. Its consuming my life and i cant sleep!
All I can do is pray for this al to pass…..please help me to cope !

Hey Alana,

Everyone’s feedback have had some pretty great pearls of wisdom for you. I’m sorry to read that you are having a tough time, it really takes a strong person to acknowledge and present the intention to make changes in their lives. Everyone has got it in them to make those changes, at times it won’t be easy but you’ve got a fan base here cheering you on. 🙂

Just to add to what others have touched upon, I really find the changing one habit at a time is a great idea. They say it takes about thirty days to change/adopt a new habit. I especially like the idea of make a list of at least 5 things you are thankful for everyday, helps you to remember there are still good things in life even when times are rough.

Something I have found to help me when times have been rough: take it one day at a time. You’ll have good days and bad days, and that’s okay. So if you’re wanting to start something, start small. A walk around the neighbourhood, take in the sun, the breeze that flows through the leaves on a tree. You can always build on that when you’re feeling ready to do something different. 🙂

Remember to take time for yourself.

Big hugs!

Alana,

It does sound painful, the place that you’re in, and for that you have my sympathy. I love how you desire authentic happiness for yourself and your children, its a far too rare desire in this world!

David Burns wrote a book “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy” which can help with the negative self talk. In the absence of the negative self talk, our mistakes are only information that we can use to change our behaviors for next time. In the presence of negative self talk, we can slip into spirals of painful feelings.

For instance, if we cook a grilled cheese sandwich for too long, it will burn and taste icky. One path is “OK, I will cook it less next time and see if that helps”. The other is “I can’t even cook a grilled cheese. Everyone can cook a grilled cheese but me. I want my kids to have a well cooked grilled cheese, and I am failing as a mother. I must conclude that i am a failure as a cook and a person and a mother.”

Burning the toast is really the only way we can learn. You’ve tried drugs as a source of joy and find that they don’t give it. That’s great! Its left some icky taste in your mind, but you learned the lesson and are struggling to cook a better grilled cheese. Alana, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, because I see bravery, love, commitment, and healing. Don’t be afraid of failure… you’ve been through it before and know your love survives. Your failures are all part of something greater… burnt bread, drug addiction, ishy self-talk, your love of your children, your inherent beauty… all of these are leading you on a path where you are learning to cook.

Remember that you’re not alone! As you struggle with things, don’t be ashamed to ask for help. People suffer just like you, and we all have innovations that might help. You have the courage to jump, and have jumped, so now all that is left is to be patient with yourself as you grow your wings and fly.

With warmth,
Matt

Hi Alana,

Well done on your daily recovery. Just on the physical side, its worth getting to know the difficult side effects of suboxone, these are just a few: constipation, glossodynia, oral mucosal erythema, vomiting, intoxication, disturbance in attention, tiredness, palpitations, insomnia, withdrawal syndrome, hyperhidrosis, and blurred vision.

Adderall may impair your thinking or reactions. Be careful if you drive or do anything that requires you to be alert. Do not take Adderall late in the day. A dose taken too late in the day can cause sleep problems (insomnia). Avoid drinking fruit juices or taking vitamin C at the same time you take Adderall. These can make your body absorb less of the medicine. Adderall is highly addictive. Mixing of Suboxone & Adderall should be fully researched for contraindications.

I know this may sound like a medical reply, but it’s important to know the facts and the symptoms of each drug, to elimate physical causes. We need to treat the whole person cognitive, physical and spiritual. How are you doing in all of these areas?

I wish you the very best in your life going forward.
Audetta