February 19, 2022 at 8:51 am #393104
What scares you is the THOUGHT that she will be devastated if the result is bad. When you are not thinking about it, you are not scared of this particular fear. So, what scares you is a THOUGHT. – yes the thought or the possibility scares me. But I need to accept that I can’t control it.
Once in a while, reintroduce to yourself the thought that better you accept the things you cannot change with as much serenity as possible for you at any moment. when I accept something, how do I not let it turn into depression. I don’t if it makes sense but even in my previous post, while it sounds good to say make the best of each day, it is also depressing to accept that we are helpless or have no control. I don’t know how to articulate it but essentially I understand in theory I could say since we are here for a limited time, might as well enjoy. But the actual feelings are depressing. It is so sad that we can’t live forever, happily.
GirijaFebruary 19, 2022 at 9:14 am #393105
“When I accept something, how do I not let it turn into depression… while it sounds good to say make the best of each day, it is also depressing to accept that we are helpless or have no control” – it is depressing to focus on what we have no control over, this is why it is so important to focus on what we do have control over. Whenever you feel depressed over what you cannot control, shift your focus to what you can control.
“In theory I could say since we are here for a limited time, might as well enjoy” – I am less optimistic than you, I say, might as well suffer less, rather than enjoy.
“It is so sad that we can’t live forever, happily” – yes, that’s the curse of being human. Unlike other animals we can IMAGINE living forever (“and they lived happily ever after. The End”- fairytales ending), and we get upset that we can’t. Other animals’ blessing is that they can’t imagine eternity. Maybe as humans, we should adopt the (other) animals’ mindset and stop imagining a happily-ever-after.
anitaFebruary 19, 2022 at 9:38 am #393106
I wish you would be optimistic. But you obviously know what’s best for you, so I won’t insist on it. I will practice focussing on what I can control.
I don’t see why we can’t choose to enjoy vs suffering less. I think the mindset of choosing less suffering is what is depressing to me. I am not going to say it will be for you. I might as well enjoy. Not get depressed that there is no forever. It will continue to make me sad, but I won’t dwell on it. Maybe instead of animals, babies? They are happy by default. Animals to me are very somber.
GirijaFebruary 19, 2022 at 9:59 am #393108
You are welcome to think of babies vs animals, in regard to being aware of the concept of eternity.
“I wish you would be optimistic” – I prefer to be realistic with a touch of optimism.
“I don’t see why we can’t choose to enjoy vs suffering less” – you can answer your own question. Asked in other words, didn’t you already choose to enjoy? Why did you fail (to enjoy)?
anitaFebruary 19, 2022 at 6:56 pm #393191
Asked in other words, didn’t you already choose to enjoy? Why did you fail (to enjoy)? – I don’t know if I ever really have chosen to enjoy. I have been waiting for the pain or suffering to go away. And choosing to survive. What if I make a choice to enjoy. Have a dance party by myself today, that type of a thing. Consciously do fun things despite the constant stream of angst life throws at us.
GirijaFebruary 19, 2022 at 7:03 pm #393192
Good to read from you, Sunday 8:30 am, your time. So, you say that in the past, you chose to survive and now, you are thinking about choosing to enjoy, to do fun things… sounds good to me, in principle, to choose to enjoy. I like the idea. I don’t think I ever made such a choice myself.
anitaFebruary 19, 2022 at 8:10 pm #393195
We woke up early today. I was at the hospital when I wrote to you, my mom went in for the scan. I will try this new choice out. It seems like a good idea, in principle like you said. But, basically looking at the big picture that all this will go away so might as well enjoy to the best I can. It also comes with the privilege of having a decent bank balance from having worked until now and in general belonging to the middle class. I might as well make use of this privilege.
How to be shameless – don’t worry about what it looks like to others when you have a blast with your life. Choosing myself first. Not whether my next project will fail, how it may cause errors, how my health will turn out. No worries. What has to happen will happen. Be happy.
GirijaFebruary 19, 2022 at 8:17 pm #393196
I am just now going to bed for the night, read what you posted, looking forward to read from you (my) Sunday morning, in about 9-10 hours from now. I hope the scan results are good, I really do hope so. Will be back Sun morning. Good night to me, good morning to you
anitaFebruary 19, 2022 at 9:10 pm #393197
Good night, anita.February 20, 2022 at 9:05 am #393202
What’s the news today, Girija and how are you feeling?
anitaFebruary 20, 2022 at 9:44 am #393204
We don’t have the report yet. We’ll call the hospital up tomorrow morning to check if it is ready. I am feeling very nervous. Feel it in my stomach. I don’t know what will happen. A bad result is so scary, I can’t even think about what I’ll do after that. I am terrified of all that we might have to go through if the result is bad. I know its just the thought I am afraid of. But the fear’s there.
How are you doing? Are you feeling any aftereffects of covid. One of my friends tells me she is extremely tired in the evenings even after she tested negative.
GirijaFebruary 20, 2022 at 10:04 am #393205
No, I am not feeling any aftereffects of Covid. I didn’t feel any affects while I was exposed to Covid (and must have been infected with Covid, although I was never tested). I suppose I’ve been one of the many asymptomatic people. Interestingly, I know of a man in his 70s who is always on oxygen because his lungs are very dysfunctional, and continue to deteriorate- he was tested positive, omicron he believes, but his symptoms were of a head cold, as he put it. I didn’t think that a person with severely compromised lungs can get away with Covid, but he did.
I know of another man, in his late 50s whose knees are bad. He had Covid, more seriously than a head cold, lost and recovered his sense of taste, and he says his knees hurt significantly more now than before covid. Another man, and a few others mentioned how terribly exhausted they felt weeks after recovery.
It is indeed thoughts that are scaring you right now, if you are awake (half an hour before midnight). Try to empty your brain from scary thoughts, try to think of something that’s not scary, can you do that?
anitaFebruary 20, 2022 at 10:09 am #393206
Glad to hear covid didn’t bother you. That’s great!
I can think about other things and eventually tire out and fall asleep.
GirijaFebruary 20, 2022 at 10:14 am #393207
Thank you. Fifteen minutes before midnight- please do think about other things, and when scary thoughts return, switch back to those other things. You can always post here if it helps, whenever it may help.
anitaFebruary 20, 2022 at 6:10 pm #393221
Thanks for the offer, anita.