Dear Girija:

I hope that you are okay and that you understand that regardless of your mother’s health, there has to be a time when you put yourself first in your own life. You can’t put yourself first only when your mother becomes… forever young and healthy because it will never happen, that ship has sailed.

When will Girija be #1- not in all of India, not in the whole world, just in Girija’s own life, for as long as Girija is alive, for as long as Girija is healthy enough.

anita

Hey there,

I too wanna be normal haha! I have been depressed and well, I can’t reveal all the gruesome details. But yes, I have had all issues, Identity crisis, existential crisis, childhood trauma, suicidal thoughts, over-eating issues, premature hairloss, and maybe, even some chronic health disorder. I too feel lonely, hardly any connection with my parents. They just seem to care about me enough to avoid any inconvenience for themselves — and that they call love haha! Well, what are we to do about this situation of ours?

Look, I don’t know anything about you, I probably think that I know how you feel, but I could be very inaccurate too. Ignore this if you find this useless.

So my friend, the truth probably is, that there is really no psychological security for us, no one to depend on, no one who really cares about how we feel and really wants to see us deeply get better than to show outward facade of order. If you have someone like this, well you already are luckier than me. But now that we deeply realise that we are alone, what are we to do? How do we improve ourselves? How do we get out of this rut that we have pushed ourselves in?

You know, maybe because we felt that help exists, or that others are not lonely and we are, we haven’t really tried to ask ourselves what can we do despite being terribly alone. Maybe this realisation of the fact that we are alone, and people wouldn’t want to associate themselves with us unless we are in a better place emotionally (really from my observation, the so-called happy people seem to avoid inconvenience at all cost, even within my blood relations) would bring its own strength in us to do something about ourselves. Maybe realising that our psychologists/counsellors have done nothing to solve our problems but to give us false hopes would enable us to find our answers ourselves.

And probably in realising that there really isn’t anyone to depend on, we would want to do something about our situation despite this fact. Maybe we lose our strength in finding someone to latch on to. I really don’t know what would work for you. But clearly spending time with yourself and trying to understand yourself better wouldn’t hurt right? But how can we do it if we are constantly trying to find others who can make ourselves feel better?

I really hope that both you and I get better

Take care

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by Kartik.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by Kartik.

Dear Girija:

Good to read the good news regarding your mother’s health!

“I do not get notifications for this thread… I also did not know you were still replying to this thread. I would have replied otherwise, with at least a short message. I’m sorry not replying to your messages” –

– do you mean that after I replied to you every single time you posted for years, within an hour to about 12 hours from the time you posted,… every single time, you thought from February 21 this year (when you last posted), all the way to today, April 6, when you posted next,  that I didn’t reply to you because you didn’t get a notification… you didn’t bother to log in and check…?

anita

Dear Girija

I have just read thru some of your posts. I have a couple of observations:

when I was at college one of the girls had a loud and harsh, grating voice, she met a man at a dance and eventually got married – he was profoundly deaf! If you did voluntary work with the blind they would not be judging what you looked like, giving chance for your inner beauty to shine.

When we are desperate for love it has an repelling effect or attracts the wrong sort. I took a vow of celibacy for a year and it freed me, it took the pressure off, no longer the constant wanting or disappointment in people not fulfilling  my dreams or needs this included family and friends. Love can not be forced, you are deserving of love – love yourself. You are young and can start to take steps to heal old wounds and help prevent any new ones from being deep and lasting.

There is a lovely quote from Thich Nat Hans smiling meditation. Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile and sometimes your smile is the source of your joy. abit like the dog wagging its tail.

When my mothers cancer came back I decided that what ever my mum wanted I would try to give it to her. I would try to put aside my ego for the duration and for the most part of her last 5 years I achieved it yes I did slip up on many occasions, but I soon realised that she was a frightened and in pain alot of the time and that made it easier for me to swallow my pride and say sorry. Our relationship was much healed by the time of her passing.

Each time we work on our inner world it effects our outer world each drop of love compassion and wisdom we foster in ourselves is a gift not only to ourselves but the whole world.

Kind regards

Roberta