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I want to be normal

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Viewing 15 posts - 121 through 135 (of 267 total)
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  • #392187
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I’d love to hear your low-carb recipes. I am vegetarian. I’ve been reducing the quantity of rice and substituting with oats and other grains.

    I am struggling with keeping calm. The “joy” didn’t last and I’m not surprised.

    Today, I’ve been feeling extremely annoyed at life. I keep having the same thoughts over and over again – I want to start fresh and I am sick of having to deal with this life. It is not productive to think this way but I am just tired and annoyed.

    I looked up videos on what you mentioned about emotional regulation. I can work on avoiding situations. I don’t have anything I can or will be able to change right away. Taking my attention away from the emotions – I found videos that suggested breath hold and it doesn’t work. Breathing in general has stopped working in calming me down. I get annoyed and cry every time I try to do it. I think I am annoyed at having to calm myself. And my fast heart beat makes it more annoying. Deciding that a situation means something different is somehow not helping either. My self-soothing mechanisms seem to have all stopped working and I am a little panicked. I haven’t been able to sleep well the last 2 nights. I am annoyed, I want to stop working even and just stop being in/participating in any and all situations.

    Girija

    #392189
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Girija:

    Although oats contain more proteins than other grains, including rice, they still contain to many carbs to fit to be part of a low carb diet. As a vegetarian, do you sometimes eat eggs and/ or dairy products?

    I am struggling with keeping calm. The “joy” didn’t last, and I’m not surprised. Today, I’ve been feeling extremely annoyed at life. I keep having the same thoughts over and over again – I want to start fresh, and I am sick of having to deal with this life… I want to stop working even and just stop being in/participating in any and all situations” – consider the following possibilities: (1) set another appointment, online/ on the phone or in-person with your doctor regarding your PCOS for better hormonal regulation, maybe take the birth control pills suggested? (2) maybe, just maybe, go on anti-depressants, the SSRI kind, these may work on stabilizing your moods, reducing your irritability, etc., (3) psychotherapy/ counseling, (4) take a break from work and go solo on a vacation somewhere far, far from home.

    (5) think of this story that I heard long ago, which had an impact on me, it is relevant to your situation. It’s a short story and I am paraphrasing: a man was imprisoned in a jail cell, a very irritable, panicky and miserable man, desperately wanting out! (Similar to you wanting out of “this life”); he screamed in desperation: I want to be free from this jail cell! I have to find a way to break out, I have to find a way to be free! Another man heard him and said: stop wanting to get out, stop wanting to be free and you will be free. And the desperate man calmed down and was free. Free from his irritability, panic and desperation, that is.

    Stop wanting out of this life, Girija?!

    anita

    • This reply was modified 8 months ago by anita.
    #392249
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I eat eggs and dairy, but I’ve read online that reducing dairy is beneficial.

    I’ll go back to the doctor. But I am not comfortable with birth control, it is supposed to work only as long as you take it but the side effects could be bad. I am uncomfortable with SSRIs because of my dad. Please don’t think I am squashing all your suggestions, I have apprehensions about those medications. Therapy and a vacation are good options, I will look into making them happen.

    I am not wanting out of life. Not suicidal. This experience of life is annoying but your story still has a lesson for me. I suppose I am trying to get my life to transform in a second, because this phase of wanting to be free but that going very slow with setbacks is disappointing. But as you said before, I need to be patient.

    Girija

    #392256
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Girija:

    As a vegetarian who eats eggs, your one and only natural 100% protein, 0% carbs, 0% fat is egg whites, that is eggs with the yolks removed. A low carb diet is basically lean protein (like egg whites) and low-carb vegetables, like lettuce, summer squash, asparagus, broccoli, cauliflower, etc. Oats and other grains, beans, peas and starchy vegetables do not belong in a low carb diet. Sugar doesn’t belong in it either. Stevia and monk fruit extract are natural, very sweet and contain zero carbs/ zero calories.

    I am uncomfortable with SSRIs because of my dad” – don’t lock yourself into what you observed regarding your bipolar father because (1) You are not bipolar, and (2) SSRIs like sertraline increase mania in bipolar people, as far as I know, so your father shouldn’t have been prescribed with those.

    The right SSRI at the right dosage helps millions of depressed people, at least temporarily, and sometimes temporary is all you need: an SSRI can significantly relieve your depression and elevate your mood consistently and long enough for you to get motivated to seek therapy and attend it for as long as it takes to benefit from it long-term. After therapy helps you, then you can gradually stop the SSRI.

    I am not wanting out of life. Not suicidal. This experience of life is annoying” – I understood earlier that you want out of your subjective, personal experience of life, not out of life itself.

    I suppose I am trying to get my life to transform in a second… I need to be patient” – think of Patience as your middle name. Every time you feel annoyed and impatient, say your name out loud: Girija Patience.

    anita

    #392340
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    Thanks for the suggestions. I’ve never tried asparagus, will look for it. Not sure I’ve seen it before, only on TV. I have eliminated sugar altogether.

    I know I am not bipolar but I’m always afraid that a serious mental illness is around the corner. Even my great grandfather was apparently mentally ill. But they used to think they were possessed and what not since they did not have the knowledge. But ultimately my point is that this goes back generations and I don’t want to trigger it. I will discuss this with a doctor, as you said the right one may help. I am just afraid, because my dad’s treatment has been so bad. I don’t know if the treatment was bad or he was not really cooperating with treatment.

    I’d rather call myself Girija Fierce. I don’t like feeling dull. I’ll be fierce in my patience, if that makes sense.

    On a different note, I need advice on how to be truly unbothered by other people. There are times when a senior at work laughs on a condescending way if I make a mistake or say something wrong. And it leaves me in a cycle of thought, constantly telling myself I am not dumb, but she implied I am dumb and so on. She did that yesterday and it still hurts. Also, I get insecure if someone else if praised or is overworking. I have no interest in either to be honest, but it makes me really insecured. I have theorised before here that it might be because I am afraid of being fired but I don’t think it is that simple. I think I need to feel smart. Of

    Girija

     

    #392342
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Girija Fierce:

    You are welcome. Asparagus is not necessary for a low carb diet, but it is the second lowest vegetable in carbs/calories, right after lettuce.

    I’m always afraid that a serious mental illness is around the corner. Even my great grandfather was apparently mentally ill” – babies are not born with mental illnesses such as OCD, bipolar or schizophrenia. Children who are repeatedly exposed to aggression at home, verbal or physical, become very anxious. Over a long time, the unrelieved, persistent anxiety progresses into this or that mental illness or illnesses, made worse when the child becomes adult and proceeds to live a dysfunctional adult life. Aggression in childhood is very, very common, so it’s not statistically surprising to me that your great grandfather and your father were mentally ill.

    I don’t want to trigger it” -by “it” you mean the mental illness in your family. There is no family-illness to be triggered (says I!)- aggression in the home is so very common that people get sick, that’s all it is.

    I am just afraid, because my dad’s treatment has been so bad. I don’t know if the treatment was bad, or he was not really cooperating with treatment” – so you have absolutely no reliable information in regard to how psychiatric medications affected your father!

    I’d rather call myself Girija Fierce” – I’ll take Fierce to mean Strong and Powerful. Let’s develop this a bit… Fear and Fierce both start with an F. Question is how to move from Fear to Fierce. In your most recent post, you mentioned fear three times: “I’m always afraid… I am just afraid… I am afraid“. When you are afraid, you shrink, you get smaller and weaker, sort of hoping that life will pity you and not make things worse for you. But really, it doesn’t work for anyone long-term!!! To be Fierce, you have to do the opposite of shrinking and appearing weak; you have to EXPAND and appear STRONG. And it is possible for you to make this shift.

    On a different note, I need advice on how to be truly unbothered by other people. There are times when a senior at work laughs on a condescending way if I make a mistake” – on the same note as the above, this is an opportunity for you to Practice Fierce: next time she laughs at you, stand straight, look boldly into her eyes, and say in a strong voice something like (you choose your words): I will appreciate it if you stop laughing in this condescending way when I make a mistake. I am sure that you wouldn’t like it if someone did that to you when you make a mistake, and you do make mistakes, you know that, right? 

    anita

     

     

    #392343
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    Thanks for the advice. I will have to comtemplate on being fierce some more.

    Girija

    #392346
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Girija:

    You are welcome. Don’t contemplate courage too much and for too long. It’s not a contemplating issue but a “Do or do not” issue (a part quote of Yoda, Star Wars).

    anita

    #392461
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    I was so nervous because I had to talk to a guy in this arranged marriage process, that I did not reply to you at length.

    I was feeling unsupported by my mother when she forced to me to wear a bindi thinking it would be a video call but it was just a phone call. I had a breakdown. I used to hit myself when I got upset, now I was just thrashing pillows. Never again.

    So coming to being fierce. I am going to change my fierce setting to the max. I did it on this very forum when someone brought up rape in India. I have had enough of worrying about other people, how I will come across, not empathetic enough, not kind enough. I’ve had it. I am going to take this energy and have a casual conversation with the same guy. I’ll tell him what I am looking for and give him time to let me know what he wants. We’ll take it from there. I am going let him know I need time to get to know him. If he is good with that, we’ll move forward. Otherwise, I’ll be sad to not talk to him again. But it is what it is.

    I’m going to be fierce and selfish for a trial period of a week and see where it takes me.

    Girija

     

     

    #392465
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Girija:

    Excellent reply !!! on the other thread. Good to read that you will “Never again” hit yourself and even better to read your resolution: “I am going to change my fierce setting to the max… I’m going to be fierce and selfish” –

    – I didn’t include the trial-period-of-a-week part because I want it to be a lifetime resolution. Being fierce “to the max” and being “selfish” does not have to mean being aggressive and mean.  You can be fierce using a calm, kind and strong tone of voice, even a smile while making a daring eye contact. I think of being fierce as being assertive (not aggressive).

    When it comes for what is true and what is right- be Fair, Forceful, and Fierce, the three Fs. Make it your lifetime resolution and attitude, regardless of the results. You can’t change a lot of things, but you can change your Attitude. The FFF Attitude will bring you good results, but not always. It will definitely make you feel so much better about yourself!

    I’ll tell him what I am looking for and give him time to let me know what he wants… I am going let him know I need time to get to know him. If he is good with that...”- right here, you displayed the FFF Attitude: Fair to him and to yourself, Forceful and Fierce. You are being assertive here!

    anita

     

    #392468
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita
    I am all for not being mean and using kind words. I am aware that being rude does not equate to being strong. I was mean in that reply. Not because I thought being mean is being assertive but because I saw a person that has no experience of living in India, speaking for us, diminishing our experience and in the process degrading victims of real and false rape cases. I will never entertain people using what is my life and many other that live like me, frivilously, to decorate their narrative. My tone is nothing compared to the lack of empathy in poking an entire country’s wounds.

    FFF sounds great and it is easy to remember.

    Girija

     

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by samy.
    #392471
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Girija:

    I was mean in that reply” – you were not at all mean in that reply. Your reply was perfect, and I agree with every single word in it! I also agree with everything you wrote right above. Keep at being FFF!

    anita

    #392711
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I am dumping my emotions here. I am not dumping on you though. I hope you don’t feel that way.

    This week made me feel like I am full of shit. I know nothing. I don’t even know what makes me happy. I just want to be loved and find that love. I can’t even figure how to do that. Everyone seems to know what they want and yet here I am feeling stupid, living the same day over and over again. I feel like the world is way ahead of me and I will never catch up to its standards. I was born and raised to be behind. Why am I trying to catch up. What has me convinced that I will receive love or support. I am actually convinced this is going to suck. I’m neither brave nor lucky and trying to fit in.

    Girija

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by samy.
    • This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by samy.
    #392720
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Girija:

    You are welcome to dump your emotions here. I am fine with it.

    I was wondering, regarding what you wrote today: “I just want to be loved and find that love“, and what you wrote on another thread a month ago (Jan 17): “With love and understanding, even normal sex can be amazing“- is the latter sentence taken from… personal experience, partly or wholly?

    You don’t have to answer, of course. I am curious to know if you ever had a boyfriend or the like. I don’t think we discussed that before.

    anita

    #392723
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I didn’t speak from my own experience. It was from hearing about how when you feel connected to the other person, ordinary sex is not so ordinary. I guess I made it sound like I experienced that. I’ve never had a boyfriend.

    Girija

Viewing 15 posts - 121 through 135 (of 267 total)

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