Welcome to the world of heartaches and heartbreaks. I have been there. It hurts a lot more when they leave without a trace and more when they give us no reason.
You were cheated. No doubt about that. Acknowledge this first. You are the victim here and to imagine you are going through all this along with your cancer is devastating. I pray to God that your pain lessens as soon as possible. The first thing that you must do right now is to seek answers to the questions that are haunting you. Getting convinced is the only way out. Trust me, it took me more than 5 years to get the answers I sought when I was going through a heartbreak. So the sooner you find answers to these the better it is for you. I can help you here – only if you tell me what those questions are. Another way is to pray and communicate with your God. Write letters to God – start journaling. Let the pain flow out of your body. Drink more water to cleanse yourself. Develop self-love. Seeking love in another person always leads to pain. Hence we should love ourselves more than we love anyone else.

Dear Andypandy499:

I am glad to read that you don’t blame her daughter, but sad that you are in pain.

“Not knowing why she chose someone else means I constantly feel unworthy and the fact it went on for so long makes me feel I was just used. As a place to stay, as a taxi service, as cash machine and as a holiday provider“- is it that she chose someone else because he provided her with a better place to stay, a better taxi service, etc. than you did? And if this is her reason, does it make you feel better to know her reason vs “not knowing why“?

anita

Dear Andypandy499:

“I want to know why she could not be honest and tell me she was leaving“- she could have been honest, I am guessing, but it would have been difficult and unpleasant for her to tell you that she was leaving, so she chose the easy way.

“She always told me that everyone in the past left her, and I always promised I wouldn’t be like the others, but it seems she decided to do that to me“- you promised her.. did she promise you to not leave you?

“She decided to do that to me. Cruelly without warning or explanation. Blocking me from her life completely“- she chose to do what was easy for her to do (no warning, no explanation), not thinking or caring about how it will hurt you: quite selfish of her, isn’t it.

“All I want is the chance to talk to her“- .. this would be too difficult and unpleasant for her.

“why she stopped loving me“?- there is a lot of pain in your question, and I feel sadness about the pain in these words, your pain.

The answer could be in making a distinction between her love and your love: if yours has been unselfish and hers was selfish, then it’s not the same kind of love that we are talking about. Has she been selfish with you earlier, before leaving?

anita

Dear Andypandy499

I am sorry that you have been ill and that you are suffering because you thought you were in a relationship with a decent human being. I will be brutally honest your illness has done you a massive favour  ( she could of strung you along for at least another 3 years)it has freed you from a person who it appears that from the beginning they were only out for what they could get and does not care who they use in the process. Looking to get answers from someone who has acted the way she did will only cause you more suffering.

May you find someone kind gentle & honest to share your life with.

Roberta

Dear Andypandy499:

You are welcome. You write like a poet!

“I have tried to hate her but I cannot. I have tried to forget and move on but she is still here, in my head when I walk down the road. It’s like a ghost of her appears next to me at places we have been, and that time replays in my head“-

-you want to be with her but you can’t because she is living with another man in Australia. The closest you can get to being with her is to remember and imagine being with her. It’s a make-believe way to deal with the fact that she is now lost to you. Here is what I suggest: when you find yourself remembering and imagining, don’t try to delete the images (to stop the memories and images), and don’t try to hate her or forget her. Instead (do this bit by bit because it’s painful): add to your images the images of the current reality: her living elsewhere with another man.  This way, your brain will no longer trick you into thinking that you are still- in some way- together with her.

Like I said, bit by bit. What do you think/ feel?

anita