Alright final update! lol.

She actually text me! it felt awesome! Text me her available times, that my massage is on the house. Thanked me again for the loan and all the support as a friend and that she really appreciates me. Told her i’d rather still pay for the massage (you know, to support her and her business), that I am here for her, that I was glad she allowed me to help her out and down the road if she ever needs help again that I hope she would think of me and allow me to help her out again, that I was glad to help bring her happiness and help with the job she’s wanted for years and that I appreciate her  aswell. Then she said Thanks, to call her on the Tuesday and had a smiley face and to have a beautiful day.

Also asked if I can invite her as a guest to my works Xmas party if she’s able to, she said she would like that if she isn’t working, I left her a smiley face and that I will update her. I’m sure she would love to see everyone, they are all going to her job and supporting her so it would be good to see her with us like the old times. Felt like updating some deets with you, NOW I shall disapear for a while.

Merry Christmas.

So something happened, something I atleast think is big and has put me in such a foul mood these days. Alright so we were gonna talk on the Tuesday but it was late and I got tired and I am pretty sure she was looking forward talking with me on the Tuesday night, but I  let her  know I am going to sleep and she was saying she just got in, a few days later I messaged her “this time I wont be sleeping” and she put a sad face, so that’s why I think she was really looking forward to  talking to me that night, but we talked for an hour Friday night and found out she does invite people to her place, just not me because it’s “messy”. Nobody calls her on the phone either, so I let her know i’ll call her when she’s back from her trip and she said sure but I told her I was busy on Tuesday and she was working that day now so i’ll call her in Jan when I was gonna call her next, but decided Friday instead since Tuesday night my plans fell apart and could talk but it was too late for me.

So we talk on the phone and she’s got a show she is performing at just before she leaves, figure it’s only for her friends to go but find out she invited a bunch of people from my work but…not me? but we had this discussion in October and she told me in the car she wants me to come with her to her events she goes to and wants to hang out more and keep in touch with me, but  why did she not tell me to come but the others she did? am I allowed to be angry at this? am I supposed to ignore it? is she just telling me a bunch of things I wanna hear but that are not real? I got like a bazillion thoughts running through my mind about this, mostly anger because what she told me back in October. Oh and her ex for some reason was saying a few things to me while she was talking to me on the phone.

BTW she is loving her job, said it was her dream job and she is so thankful for it entering her life and meeting all these new people. She never came to the xmas party but I got SO HAMMERED! and I was the loudest person there, people still talking about that night with me but they said I behaved. Woke up the next day on the floor in the bathroom sleeping in my own puke.

So do I have a legit reason to be angry? or am I just overreacting? not being invited has really effected me the last couple days. it’s not just that, she invites people over but I can’t come over. Like what the hell?

I dunno when I’ll talk to her next, i’ll try but I really think she just says what I wanna hear which is why nothing happens, she does not want it to happen but does not wanna make me sad or something. This has been going on for a while now.

Also wont she be a little annoyed always having to deal with the times I feel “hurt” She will think “Ugh not this again”.

We talked for 40 minutes, she had to leave to pick up her daughter that moved out and check up on a cat. It was a facebook thing so that’s why I didn’t get an invite, I deleted mine but she will invite me to her next one. Talked about her trip, her concert, the invited thing part, my xmas party, she said I sound like I was the life of the party and said “ew” when I told her the next day I was sleeping on the floor in the bathroom in my own puke haha and that I should limit my beers to 4 because that’s when I felt the booze kicking in, about the loan and the guy she will do free massages for in return I check him out and it will help pay for the debt, meeting up next month for another coffee or earlier if she has free time. Told her if she ever wants to talk to me just text me and get me to call or something, like if she’s having an awful day or has great news to share or something like that, she kinda went a lower voice appreciating that saying thanks, that she doesn’t really have anyone who does this for her, she mostly just phones her mom and said I am such a great guy and I say I try to be, then wished her a great night and we hung up. It was kinda awkward for me when her voice went lower like that, like she digs me for saying that or something. She told me anytime I am thinking about her to call and we can talk, lol I think about her all the time, so that wont go over well at all…When she called I was like “Well hello there” in a lower sexy voice, she said it sounded romantic lol. I do that at work too. It still sucks she only sees me as a friend, but oh well plenty of other fish in the sea but no matter what I say here I just can’t let her go, I’ve got such an unhealthy attatchment and I know I SHOULD go for my own sanity, but ugh. I’m surprised not many people talk to her, seems everyone loves her but nobody talks to her outside of facebook, just me and her mom.

I hate how I am on the phone or in person talking to her…always feel awkward and say what I mean slower bumbling my words. At work it’s SO NATURAL! and I can talk loud and clear and fine, when I am drunk I can be the life of the party so to speak, but on the phone with her or in person? nope. I know I have strong feelings for her probably due to my lonliness, but damn.