December 3, 2018 at 3:58 am #267501
I thought there was an explanation to the non-invite, it was a Facebook thing and you deleted yours. And she doesn’t communicate with anyone outside of Facebook except for her mother and you. I understand.
“I don’t have anybody I am close to, just sit around at home all day being depressed. I had my first taste of being close to another person and now that’s all I want is to be close to people”- we humans are social beings, we have the need, a real, biological need to interact with other humans. In addition to that, we have a need for interactions of the close kind, the intimate kind, the kind you experienced with her. Once you had a taste of that, it awakened that need.
I just wondered as I read my own paragraph above, if it is possible at all to happen with someone else, a woman who you may like also, who is available and interested in the kind of connection you had with her. I wonder…
anitaDecember 3, 2018 at 8:08 am #267549
Right now? nope there isn’t. I don’t really try looking for someone that way right now, maybe eventually. Gotta work on myself first.December 3, 2018 at 8:14 am #267553
Work on yourself how?
anitaDecember 3, 2018 at 8:23 am #267555
Get in shape, get my mind right as well, read my self help books. There are things I can try, we will see. I dunno what else to say here so I guess I will take off and update you on the mug and what she thinks of it. Hopefully we have a phone call between now and then, that would be dope. Maybe a christmas day call for a few minutes if she’s home and not busy. Merry ho-ho.December 3, 2018 at 8:29 am #267559
Well, I hope you get in shape then, and read parts of those self help books (I say parts, because every self help book I read in the past has parts that are not true following parts that are). So you decided on another mug, awesome! Update me anytime, I welcome your posts.
anitaDecember 3, 2018 at 9:23 am #267587
Thanks, I have something coming in the mail soon. I’m trying for a calisthenics/body weight movement workout instead of going to the gym, my gym would be anywhere I want at any time I want but mostly in my house for now. I know what I want, I just gotta do it. I have a pretty vivid picture in my mind what I wanna do, like have a tennis ball and throw it on the wall as I rotate leg to leg and work on my hand eye cordination, roller blading, biking, some type of martial arts on my giant deck, boxing under neath it, some barworkouts (look up officialbarstarzz to get an idea), maybe 1 day add in some gymnastic rings, a giant tire. For the martial arts would love to do stuff like Giga Uguru (look up Giga Uguru if you wanna see what I mean). The self helpbook is Jordan Peterson’s 12 rules for life and How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnigie. I also got a metal bar going along the sidewalk I was thinking of blindfolding myself and walking along it when I get great balance or something. Just ideas in my head I’ve though of for a long time.
Hope your month goes well for you.December 3, 2018 at 10:02 am #267593
Reminds me of that weightless cell or such thing you wrote about months ago, maybe longer. You have interesting, out of the ordinary work out ideas and such. I can’t google those things now, maybe later. What about long walks out in nature, in Beautiful British Columbia? That can be a great aerobic workout, lots of fresh crisp air, done daily, it can do magic for you.
anitaDecember 4, 2018 at 8:39 am #267725
I googled Giga Uguru, it is a name of a man, I understand, London based, who released a mixed martial arts training video online with kicks, speed, punches, the acrobatics on the show are impressive, so I read, “you rarely see such audacious high flying moves like this… Maybe flashy turns like this might go wrong”- I figure you have to be in great shape to do those moves … and have an audience to impress. The tennis ball exercise you mentioned reads effective for developing eye hand coordination.
anitaDecember 4, 2018 at 2:00 pm #267827
Yeah that would be it, not into his religious talk though. BTW I forgot to tell you after I told her she can call me anytime she wants when she’s having a bad day, good day, some great news she wants to share, just to talk, etc, and said nobody does this for her and she just calls her mom then she called me such a great guy, when we were going to hang up we both didn’t right away, there was a pause. I didn’t wanna hang up, guessing she didn’t either, we had a moment I guess you could say. I’ll phone her around Xmas, then i’ll post here again. Maybe I will call her on Xmas for 5 minutes, then again in a few days and we can share what we did or something. Still think about what she told me to call her anytime I am thinking of her, sounds nice and not something friends say that often. I’ll just call her around Xmas then call her when I think about her, we are just close intimate friends not lovers.
Anyway I am back to depressed again, I feel like such a loser among other things. Seeya after Xmas, hope you and your family have a great one this year.December 5, 2018 at 4:55 am #267929
Xmas is in ten days, that is when you will call her, then a few days later. Still in 2018.
Thanks for your good wishes for you and I hope the rest of December goes better for you as well as the new year. In my twenties, I remember, I always had such great hopes for the new year.
anitaDecember 5, 2018 at 1:28 pm #267999
Actually I wanna ask 1 final thing. From what I have said over the past few years, what does it seem like is happening between the 2 of us? does it seem like she may see me as MORE then just a friend but waiting for me to say something? maybe in the past she saw me as something more? I mean that last phone call at the end when I let her know she can call me whenever she wants and her voice changed to much lower and she said any time I am thinking about her I should call her and we didn’t wanna get off the phone right away. Maybe it’s all in my head and she’s just this friendly, but sometimes I think there may be more and it drives me nuts thinking about it. Maybe we are both afraid of letting eachother in more and that’s why we don’t hang out as often as we both would like? Someone once told me that we don’t have a friendship, it’s just 2 people who text/call eachother who are afraid of interacting on a more personal level due to not wanting to be rejected or something. I really don’t wanna say something then she takes off without saying anything to me anymore.
Btw I am going for my massage next Monday, she said “Would be lovely to have you in”, then I will let her know I will call after Xmas, although if she texts me on Xmas she loves the gift I’ll ask if she wants to have a quick 5 min talk if she’s not busy, then call her a few days after.
Funny…as I write this I am editing it. She accidentally called me, we talked for 21 minutes. Told her it’s always good talking to you and hope your finger accidentally hits my number again so told her I’ll call her after xmas and we can tell each other what Santa got us. Also she does not go to laundry mat for her laundry, she does it at home.
December 6, 2018 at 5:41 am #268089
- This reply was modified 5 days, 18 hours ago by pete.
How interesting, that she accidently called you while or right after you submitted your post!
You asked me: “what does it seem like is happening between the 2 of us?”
First I want to look at an answer someone gave you, that it is not a friendship, but “just 2 people who text/call each other who are afraid of interacting on a more personal level due to not wanting to be rejected or something”
Most friendships and most relationships and marriages can fit this description, with minor editing, for example: this is not a relationship, just two people who text/ call and sleep with each other (and have dinners together or children, etc.) who a re afraid of interacting on a more personal level due to not wanting to be rejected or something.
In other words, everyone’s afraid, and no adult that I know of starts fully trusting another, jumping in all vulnerable and unafraid.
More about your question for me: I think that on your end, it is definitely true that you wish to have that summer happen again, that you have wanted an intimate relationship with her for a long time. On her end, I want her to feel similar to how you feel. The reason I write that I want her to feel like you do, is because I have to notice when I want something to be a certain way, I invest in seeing it that way, so I have to be careful.
Having that in mind, it seems to me that her liking of you from the beginning was genuine, that she was spontaneous and sincere when she expressed concern and affection for you. I believe she was because having gotten to know you, there is a reason why you have been focused on this one woman: you perceived that her interest in you was sincere and genuine. I trust that perception and it is this perception, which I believe to be reality, that fuels your interest in her/ this very thread.
What are her thoughts, I don’t know. Was she open for an intimate relationship with you at any time, and maybe figured that it is not going to happen, maybe. I don’t know. It’s been a long time of knowing you, so it is a long history of her thoughts and feelings, and some changes along the way.
I would say that at this point, if she was open to an intimate relationship before, she probably gave up on that by now.
I am thinking again, that her interest in you and her affection for you was sincere all along. I don’t know if she thought at any time: I want a bf/gf relationship with this man. I don’t know if she thought that. Maybe it crossed her mind (so many things cross our minds!) but I don’t know if she ever had that serious thought or intent.
anitaDecember 6, 2018 at 5:03 pm #268185
Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it. 🙂 I don’t actually think she likes me in that way, but sometimes we have those moments where I think “hmmm?”, but I don’t think I should pursue it anymore. I was really down at work and was thinking of calling her later and that today is the day I am going to tell her I like her and that I know she does not see me that way so it’s best if we stop talking for good or maybe i’ll reconnect many years later if you suddenly crossed my mind.
I’ve got no idea how she would handle that, but I told a guy at my work this who knows her well and he said for me not to do this because she has a lot going on with her ex, her kids, job, mother, her fitness class. Be her friend, nobody else phones her up and asks what’s happening, just you and that means a lot to a woman and you’re her only link to her old job here and last thing she needs to think about is another thing on her plate right now, wait until she’s happy and has things more in control before you ask her this. Work on getting into shape and getting right in the head and maybe when she’s ready she will want to try you out, but don’t expect anything. She’s going to love your mug you’re getting her, just keep phoning her and don’t worry if she does not phone you, she’s really busy but she will appreciate you calling her because nobody else does and start making plans with her more. He also told me “I know you don’t get out much but try and find interesting things to talk about so the phone conversations last longer and more interesting”.
Well not word for word but most of that. Anyway see you after Xmas.
December 7, 2018 at 8:25 am #268239
- This reply was modified 4 days, 15 hours ago by pete.
What your friend told you, lots of it makes sense to me. What I wish for you in this coming year, 2019, is a closer relationship with a woman, if not her, than with another woman who is sincere, kind and empathetic. One that will appreciate you, who will like you and you will like her back.