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Let her go?

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This topic contains 478 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  anita 4 days ago.

Viewing 14 posts - 466 through 479 (of 479 total)
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  • #267501

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    I thought there was an explanation to the non-invite, it was a Facebook thing and you deleted yours. And she  doesn’t communicate with anyone outside of Facebook except for her mother and you. I understand.

    “I don’t have anybody I am close to, just sit around at home all day being  depressed. I had  my  first taste of being close to another person and now that’s all I want is to  be close to people”- we humans are social beings, we have the need, a real, biological need to interact with other humans. In addition to that, we have a need for interactions of the close kind, the intimate kind, the kind you experienced with her. Once you had a taste of that, it awakened that need.

    I just wondered as I read my own paragraph above, if it is possible at all to happen with someone else, a woman who you may like also, who is available and  interested in the kind of connection you had with her. I wonder…

    anita

     

     

     

     

    #267549

    pete
    Participant

    Right now? nope there isn’t. I don’t really try looking for someone that way right now, maybe eventually. Gotta work on myself first.

    #267553

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Work on yourself how?

    anita

    #267555

    pete
    Participant

    Get in shape, get my mind right as well, read my self help books. There are things I can try, we will see. I dunno what else to say here so I guess I will take off and update you on the mug and what she thinks of it. Hopefully we have a phone call between now and then, that would be dope. Maybe a christmas day call for a few minutes if she’s home and not busy. Merry ho-ho.

    #267559

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Well, I hope you get  in shape then, and read parts of those self  help books (I say parts, because every self help book I read in the past has parts that  are not true following parts  that are). So you decided  on another mug,  awesome! Update me anytime, I welcome your posts.

    anita

    #267587

    pete
    Participant

    Thanks, I have something coming in the mail soon. I’m trying for a calisthenics/body weight movement workout  instead of going to the gym, my gym would be anywhere I want at any time I want but mostly in my house for now. I know what I want, I just gotta do it. I have a pretty vivid picture in my mind what I wanna do, like have a tennis ball and throw it on the wall as I rotate leg to leg and work on my hand eye cordination, roller blading, biking, some type of martial arts on my giant deck, boxing under neath it, some barworkouts (look up officialbarstarzz to get an idea), maybe 1 day add in some gymnastic rings, a giant tire. For the martial arts would love to do stuff like Giga Uguru (look up Giga Uguru if you wanna see what I mean). The self helpbook is Jordan Peterson’s 12 rules for life and How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnigie. I also got a metal bar going along the sidewalk I was thinking of blindfolding myself and walking along it when I get great balance or something. Just ideas in my head I’ve though of for a long time.

     

    Hope your month goes well for you.

    #267593

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Reminds me of that weightless cell or such thing you wrote about months ago, maybe longer. You have interesting, out of the ordinary work out ideas and such. I can’t google those things now, maybe later. What about long  walks out  in nature, in  Beautiful British Columbia?  That can be a great  aerobic workout, lots  of fresh crisp air, done daily, it  can do magic for you.

    anita

    #267725

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    I googled Giga Uguru, it is a name of  a man, I understand, London based, who released a mixed martial arts training video online with kicks, speed, punches, the acrobatics on the show are impressive, so I read, “you rarely see such audacious high flying moves like this… Maybe flashy turns like this might go wrong”- I figure you have to  be in great shape to do those moves … and  have an audience to  impress. The tennis ball exercise you mentioned reads effective for developing  eye hand coordination.

    anita

    #267827

    pete
    Participant

    Yeah that would be it, not into his religious talk though. BTW I forgot to tell you after I told her she can call me anytime she wants when she’s having a bad day, good day, some great news she wants to share, just to talk, etc, and said nobody does this for her and she just calls her mom then she called me such a great guy, when we were going to hang up we both didn’t right away, there was a pause. I didn’t wanna hang up, guessing she didn’t either, we had a moment I guess you could say. I’ll phone her around Xmas, then i’ll post here again. Maybe I will call her on Xmas for 5 minutes, then again in a few days and we can share what we did or something. Still think about what she told me to call her anytime I am thinking of her, sounds nice and not something friends say that often. I’ll just call her around Xmas then call her when I think about her, we are just close intimate friends not lovers.

    Anyway I am back to depressed again, I feel like such a loser among other things. Seeya after Xmas, hope you and your family have a great one this year.

    #267929

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Xmas is in ten days, that is when you will call her, then a few days later. Still in 2018.

    Thanks for your good wishes  for you and I hope the rest of December goes better for you as well as  the  new year. In my twenties, I remember, I always had such great  hopes  for the new year.

    anita

    #267999

    pete
    Participant

    Actually I wanna ask 1 final thing. From what I have said over the past few years, what does it seem like is happening between the 2 of us? does it seem like she may see me as MORE then just a friend but waiting for me to say something? maybe in the past she saw me as something more? I mean that last phone call at the end when I let her know she can call me whenever she wants  and her voice changed to much lower and she said any time I am thinking about her I should call her and we didn’t wanna get off the phone right away. Maybe it’s all in my head and she’s just this friendly, but sometimes I think there may be more and it drives me nuts thinking about it. Maybe we are both afraid of letting eachother in more and that’s why we don’t hang out as often as we both would like? Someone once told me that we don’t have a friendship, it’s just 2 people who text/call eachother who are afraid of interacting on a more personal level due to not wanting to be rejected or something. I really don’t wanna say something then she takes off without saying anything to me anymore.

     

    Btw I am going for my massage next Monday, she said “Would be lovely to have you in”, then I will let her know I will call after Xmas, although if she texts me on Xmas she loves the gift I’ll ask if she wants to have a quick 5 min talk if she’s not busy, then call her a few days after.

     

    Funny…as I write this I am editing it. She accidentally called me, we talked for 21 minutes. Told her it’s always good talking to you and hope your finger accidentally hits my number again so told her I’ll call her after xmas and we can tell each other what Santa got us. Also she does not go to laundry mat for her laundry, she does it at home.

    • This reply was modified 5 days, 18 hours ago by  pete.
    #268089

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    How interesting, that she  accidently called you while or right after you submitted your post!

    You asked me: “what does it seem like is happening between the 2 of us?”

    First I want to look at an answer someone  gave you, that it is not a friendship, but “just 2 people who text/call each other who are  afraid of interacting  on a more personal level due  to not wanting to be  rejected or something”

    Most friendships and  most relationships and marriages can fit this description, with minor editing, for example: this is not a relationship, just  two people who text/ call and  sleep with  each  other (and have  dinners together or  children, etc.) who a re afraid of interacting on a more personal level due  to  not wanting to be rejected or something.

    In other words, everyone’s  afraid, and no adult that I know of starts fully  trusting another, jumping in all vulnerable and  unafraid.

    More about  your question for me: I  think that on your end, it is definitely true that you wish to have that summer happen again, that you have wanted  an intimate relationship with her for a long time. On her end, I want her to feel similar to how  you feel. The reason I write that I want her to feel like  you do, is because I have to notice when I want something to be a certain way, I invest  in seeing  it that way, so I have  to be careful.

    Having  that  in  mind, it seems to me that her liking  of you from the beginning was genuine, that she was spontaneous and sincere when she  expressed concern and  affection for you. I believe she was because having gotten to know  you, there  is a reason why you have  been focused on this one  woman: you perceived that her   interest in you was  sincere and  genuine. I trust  that perception and  it is  this  perception, which  I believe  to be reality, that fuels your interest in her/ this very thread.

    What are  her thoughts, I don’t know. Was she  open for an intimate relationship with you at any  time, and  maybe  figured that  it  is not  going to happen, maybe. I don’t know. It’s been a  long time of knowing you, so it is a  long  history of her thoughts and feelings, and some  changes along the  way.

    I would say that  at  this  point, if she  was open to an intimate relationship before,  she probably gave up on that by  now.

    I am thinking  again, that her interest  in you and her affection for you was  sincere all along. I don’t know if she thought at  any time: I want  a bf/gf relationship with  this man. I  don’t know if she thought that. Maybe  it  crossed  her   mind  (so many  things cross  our minds!) but I don’t  know if she  ever had  that serious thought or intent.

    anita

    #268185

    pete
    Participant

    Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it. 🙂 I don’t actually think she likes me in that way, but sometimes we have those moments where I think “hmmm?”, but I don’t think I should pursue it anymore. I was really down at work and was thinking of calling her later and that today is the day I am going to tell her I like her and that I know she does not see me that way so it’s best if we stop talking for good or maybe i’ll reconnect many years later if you suddenly crossed my mind.

     

    I’ve got no idea how she would handle that, but I told a guy at my work this who knows her well and he said for me not to do this because she has a lot going on with her ex, her kids, job, mother, her fitness class. Be her friend, nobody else phones her up and asks what’s happening, just you and that means a lot to a woman and you’re her only link to her old job here and last thing she needs to think about is another thing on her plate right now, wait until she’s happy and has things more in control before you ask her this. Work on getting into shape and getting right in the head and maybe when she’s ready she will want to try you out, but don’t expect anything. She’s going to love your mug you’re getting her, just keep phoning her and don’t worry if she does not phone you, she’s really busy but she will appreciate you calling her because nobody else does and start making plans with her more. He also told me “I know you don’t get out much but try and find interesting things to talk about so the phone conversations last longer and more interesting”.

     

    Well not word for word but most of that. Anyway see you after Xmas.

    • This reply was modified 4 days, 15 hours ago by  pete.
    #268239

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    What your friend told  you, lots  of it makes sense to me. What I wish for you in this coming year, 2019, is a closer relationship with a woman,  if not her, than  with another woman who is sincere, kind and  empathetic. One  that will appreciate you, who  will like you and you will like her back.

    anita

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