Home→Forums→Tough Times→Let her go?
- This topic has 1,011 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 9 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.
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July 16, 2019 at 12:41 pm #303605AnonymousInactive
I’ll also take a break from this thread every now and then, it’s 42 pages long lol. The guy from my work I told you about on page 32 where he told me not to tell her my feelings for her just yet, he told me don’t be scared to ask him to hang out outside of work (he’s 50 and looks like he’s more 35 like me because he keeps FIT, tanned and bald), so might try doing some rollerblading with him sometime soon. Anyway not much to update but I do think if she asks for a coffee and meet up for the money I will just tell her just give it to me at my work when I am done my shift and that I don’t think we are going to be hanging out or talking on the phone anymore. I COULD be more open about my feelings but that will just make me feel like I am being annoying which is why I keep my stuff to myself but things feel different. Maybe we both have changed?
July 16, 2019 at 1:01 pm #303611AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
I looked at page 32, regarding the guy at work: “I told a guy at my work this who knows her well and he said for me not to do this because she has a lot going on with her ex, her kids, job, mother, her fitness class. Be her friend..”- that was December 6.
Interesting, a day earlier, Dec 5 page 32, you wrote: “what does it seem like is happening between the 2 of us? does it seem like she may see me as MORE than just a friend but waiting for me to say something? maybe in the past she saw me as something more?”
anita
July 16, 2019 at 1:17 pm #303613AnonymousInactiveYeah, she was just overly friendly as she told me on the phone a few months ago, she gives hella mixed signals. Still…who puts makeup on to go for a hike? Even if I told her back then I had feelings for her I doubt she would have said so did she, just that she was flattered (3 times she said it) which is the same as saying “I only see you as a friend”.
July 16, 2019 at 4:12 pm #303639AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
I just wish there was very clear, direct communication between the two of you, between everyone who communicate, how easier life would be, but fear, confusion, not being sure, not knowing.. all these make such very difficult and even impossible.
I remember the make up before the hike, right before, yes.
I will be back to the computer in about 13 hours. I understand that you may take a break from the thread anytime and that is okay with me. Whenever you are back, tomorrow, next week or next month, I will be glad to read from you and reply.
anita
July 18, 2019 at 9:05 pm #303887AnonymousInactiveI did some rollerblading for 45 minutes, got some bruises because it’s been like 20+ years since I been on those. A guy went to a bench closer to me and started watching me bladeing around, probably entertained from how bad I was. Sunday the co worker will be joining me if he’s not busy or remembers. We talked today at work, he seemed really excited lol.
As for the girl…should I just randomly ask if she wants to stop communicating via text/phone/hangout? and that I am totally fine if she does because I been thinking about it a lot lately and we seem to be more acquantances. My dad hangs around his friends 3 times a week, my neigbours several times a month, everywhere I look friends are hanging around with friends all the time. It’s starting to look like she does not want this, she just wants her family and her boyfriend and her friends when she’s bored. How am I supposed to work with this? if I had a bunch of friends to hang out with then i’d probably be fine with it, especially women and can try and make more 1 on 1 awesome moments. All I want are those moments you wont forget and you want more of.
July 19, 2019 at 8:07 am #303935AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
“All I want are those moments you won’t forget and you want more of”- this is the main thing in your thread, the highlight, the theme- those moments. What I would do, if I was you, would be to tell her (be it text, the written form, easier that way), how much those moments mean to you (list a few, so that she knows what moments you are referring to), and tell her that what you want is more of those moments.
Then wait for her answer and let me know what that answer is, because I want to know.
anita
July 19, 2019 at 2:26 pm #304027AnonymousInactiveThat’s not gonna work to well about wanting more of those moments with her, her man will be all over that and she’s obsessed with him. That was when she was single. I had my time with her, it’s over now. My problem is my feelings I have inside…not for her but probably an idea. I KNOW we don’t match well but I enjoy her company, normally. I am obsessed with ending this because I want this pain inside of me to go away, I want it to stop lingering and consuming me. I can’t get rid of it, but getting rid of her may at least make it somewhat lesser.
July 19, 2019 at 3:03 pm #304037AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
I will be back later, in a few hours and maybe tomorrow morning, in about 14 hours from now.
anita
July 19, 2019 at 3:17 pm #304041AnonymousInactiveI’ll be around sometime. Maybe soon maybe not soon, it’s how I roll.
July 19, 2019 at 5:45 pm #304047AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
I was hoping she will be okay with spending time with you as a friend, didn’t think it had to be a problem with her boyfriend because the time you did spend together in the past was in public and there hasn’t been a physical contact that was inappropriate for friends, I didn’t think.
The feelings you have inside, “not for her but for an idea“- may I say what I think that idea is, or would you like to tell me what the idea is?
anita
July 20, 2019 at 5:35 pm #304175AnonymousInactiveSure go and tell me what you think.
I just wrote a LOT down here but ended up deleting it because it really does not matter what I think. I just need to move on to better people that treat me better then she ever would.
July 21, 2019 at 6:13 am #304207AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
“I had my time with her, it’s over now. My problem is my feelings I have inside… not for her but probably an idea… I am obsessed with ending this because I want this pain inside of me to go away, I want it to stop lingering and consuming me. I can’t get rid of it”-
– the idea is the desire to love and be loved in return. The pain inside is not having this idea in your life, your desire being unfulfilled.
This means you are a loving man, you need to love and be loved in return. If it is not her, if friendship with her is not enough and/ or is not possible then … someone else, another woman.
Question is: what is it that is in your way of getting your desire fulfilled. If you want to look into this, what is in your way, write to me about it and we’ll go from there. If you want to, of course.
anita
had my time with her, it’s over now. My problem is my feelings I have inside…not for her but probably an idea. I KNOW we don’t match well but I enjoy her company, normally. I am obsessed with ending this because I want this pain inside of me to go away, I want it to stop lingering and consuming me. I can’t get rid of it, but getting rid of her may at least make it somewhat lesser.
July 21, 2019 at 8:14 pm #304305AnonymousInactiveThat would be nice to find someone that would feel about me as I would feel about them but I wont push for it. Actually I really hope someone does not feel for me as I would them if it was this type of obsession. Just give me a girl to chill with, we can walk down the street with our arms around eachother, picnics, hikes, swim at lakes, go places together, be open, look eachother in the eyes, etc.
July 22, 2019 at 5:50 am #304327AnonymousGuestDear blkhwkdwn1:
“this type of obsession” is distressing, this is why you want to end it, end the contact with her and therefore, end the obsession. But every time you tried, you went back again to contact. It just occurred to me that the money she owes you may be a reason to continue contact? If so, you can tell her to mail you a check or checks to work, no reason to call or text you. Or you can forgive the loan altogether, give up on getting what is still owed to you paid back. And end contact with her altogether and for good.
That way, maybe you can find “a girl to chill with.. walk down the street with our arms around each other, picnics, hikes, swim at lakes, go places together, be open, look each other in the eyes, etc.”-
– yes, I am all for it, at this point, ending all contact with her, (to finally “let her go”, title of this thread), so that you can put an end to this distressing obsession with her and make it possible for you to have the chill- romantic relationship that you desire.
Do you do believe that it is possible for you to have this chill relationship with another woman?
anita
July 24, 2019 at 2:12 pm #304763AnonymousInactiveYeah it’s best I move on, been wanting to move on for a while.
No I don’t think it’s possible but who knows, I can’t predict the future but it’s probably better that I don’t go for anyone, this threads enough proof I am a complete mess and should steer clear of people. As for the rollerblade co worker. He never called me, nor did he say sorry for wasting my time. :/ I never said anything to him though. As for me, I am just being more active on my own biking, hiking, blading.
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