We talked, I had other expectations this whole time apparently and she only wants to see friends every so many months because she has other things and she said other people don’t get upset they don’t see her, told her about the money and for some reason it made me upset what she told me but I told her I am letting that go, her voice kinda got annoyed with that because she apparently wants to pay me back whenever she had the money. Talked about that day I wanted to hang out more and she thought we were? every few months but she doesn’t wanna hang out with friends every month or a few times a month, and she understands about not calling me and said she does message me sometimes if I go MIA (yeah like every 6 months :/ ), how I always have to make the phone calls and she never calls me unless I want to talk and I said it should not be 50-50 for splitting calls but maybe 70-30 (because 50-50 is unrealistic, life happens but make a fuckin attempt), told her how this feels so 1 sided and she understands she said and she knows how it feels like the other person just doesn’t care. She also hopes next time I will be fine with her version of just sometimes hang out, she clearly wont change so why worry about coming back?

Basically like I thought, she’s not much of a friend person and rather be busy with her stuff, her family and her boyfriend and nothing else really. Got off the phone and blocked her right away. Maybe in 10 years I will break the silence? maybe never. I wasted 3 years of my life thinking we were friends. Was awkward talking to her about this, she’s not upset or angry about this so that’s good and hopes this is not too long and still wants to hang out and talk when I come back and enjoy eachothers time and talk on the phone. She used to tell me I am her only friend that calls her but she said she talks to some of her friends wtf?

To me friendship is you need to be connected to the other person, staying in eachothers lives and you know…hang out? and wanna talk to eachother on the phone. What is the point in being friends otherwise? a label?

Yeah I ain’t changing for nobody, no idea why she would want me to. I can’t say we are done for good for good because the future is not set in stone, but for a long time I am. She thinks it will be a little break, naw if I’m gonna resume things will have to be more even, not 1 sided.

I’m gonna worry about myself. Throw myself in fitness and get in shape, my bike license, more active. No tinder, no women, no friends. Just me. Also learn how to talk to women better with self help books and trial and error.

Gotta do it consistently, it’s a skill. I’ll be around to post updates every now and then. Be good to yourself Anita.

Thanks, btw 1 final thought but when she said goodbye she seemed choked up a little, told her I was gonna take off now because she had a conference call in 10 minutes and I just wanted to go, told her bye, she talked a little longer and was like “well, bye…”. I feel more free and 2 days later feel as if I made the right decision. First thing she talked about was my motorbike license and getting it, guessing a hint for me to get it so I can visit her? She never talks about that and the timing of the call to take a break. She has my email anyway.

anyway, peace!

So not much has been happening in the month I have been gone. Got my motorbike book to learn to practice before I look to get my license, also found a guy on youtube who I swear understands me inside what I want in life and how I think it should be (he used to be a pickup artist but PUA aint for me, just a certain mindset I want). As for the girl…I was really angry and had to start meditating on forgiveness and called her up a week later and forgave her and told her sorry and don’t want money to get between us like she told me last time we hiked. Anyway she went on a 2 week visit of her family on the East coast with him, they drove back.

Apparently he is not much on sharing/expressing his feelings (like me) but I told her it’s a guy thing, men are conditioned to hide their feelings and it’s been that way for a long time, we are expected to. Anyway she told me they had to break their engagement. Apparently I just found out 1 month into their  relationship they got engaged, I told her that’s normal for a new relationship to be all high on those new relationship feelings for many months. Things were changing between them, he felt like she was distant and other things, told her it was an elephant in the room. So they are no longer engaged and she’s going to learn more about him, and she has been sounding not the same when talking about him, like with the pausing about things but things have been better since they broke the engagement, she was like the feeling was of a new really good friendship with someone when you click and stuff. They are also in no rush to move any time soon, might not even move but looking to make a yurt

Anyway we talked for a half hour, she had to do some stuff Told me she wants to get a coffee or a hike soon, mentioned about that huge mountain but we agreed the weather is changing so another time, so most likely a coffee only, but only if she’s in the area that I am not going to get her to drive here from her new place.

Also talked about my motorbike stuff…wont be riding it on the highway after my license for at least a year, rather be safe than dead. I don’t feel angry about the money anymore since I forgave her and said sorry, but that was mostly for me not her. I had too, I was WAAAY too angry. Not thought of the money ONCE since. Also back into keto full time. Recently started putting my veggies into a vitamix blender with strawberries to taste better and just added stevia for more better taste today. Also recently got into liver after hearing how it’s the best thing to ever eat with how nutrient dense it is. Also getting into *yuck* sardines for the benefits. Whatever, it’s only food…don’t need to like it, just need to eat it for the benefits and feel better.

I’ll post again some other time. Peace!