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Let her go?

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This topic contains 747 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  pete 10 hours, 17 minutes ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 676 through 690 (of 748 total)
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  • #309139

    anita
    Participant

    -an afterthought: maybe you are afraid that if you tell her just how you feel, and that will not change anything, then she is rejecting even more of you, rejecting more of who you are, your honest feelings about her. Is that it?

    anita

    #309153

    pete
    Participant

    Did it, text her I need a break, she said that’s too bad and to call tonight, then said sorry but I need a break and she said np don’t be sorry.

    #309155

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    I will be back to the computer Sun morning. Can you tell be before I am back if you told her why you need a break, for how long (permanent?) and if talk to her tonight what went on in the conversation?

    anita

    #309165

    pete
    Participant

    Sure thing.

    #309191

    pete
    Participant

    We talked, I had other expectations this whole time apparently and she only wants to see friends every so many months because she has other things and she said other people don’t get upset they don’t see her, told her about the money and for some reason it made me upset what she told me but I told her I am letting that go, her voice kinda got annoyed with that because she apparently wants to pay me back whenever she had the money. Talked about that day I wanted to hang out more and she thought we were? every few months but she doesn’t wanna hang out with friends every month or a few times a month, and she understands about not calling me and said she does message me sometimes if I go MIA (yeah like every 6 months :/ ), how I always have to make the phone calls and she never calls me unless I want to talk and I said it should not be 50-50 for splitting calls but maybe 70-30 (because 50-50 is unrealistic, life happens but make a fuckin attempt), told her how this feels so 1 sided and she understands she said and she knows how it feels like the other person just doesn’t care. She also hopes next time I will be fine with her version of just sometimes hang out, she clearly wont change so why worry about coming back?

     

    Basically like I thought, she’s not much of a friend person and rather be busy with her stuff, her family and her boyfriend and nothing else really. Got off the phone and blocked her right away. Maybe in 10 years I will break the silence? maybe never. I wasted 3 years of my life thinking we were friends. Was awkward talking to her about this, she’s not upset or angry about this so that’s good and hopes this is not too long and still wants to hang out and talk when I come back and enjoy eachothers time and talk on the phone. She used to tell me I am her only friend that calls her but she said she talks to some of her friends wtf?

     

    To me friendship is you need to be connected to the other person, staying in eachothers lives and you know…hang out? and wanna talk to eachother on the phone. What is the point in being friends otherwise? a label?

    #309211

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwdwn1:

    You bring up an excellent point and you stated it so well: “To me friendship is you need to be connected to the other person, staying in each other’s lives and you know.. hang out.. wanna talk to each other on the phone. What is the point in being friends otherwise? A label?”-

    – exactly (with one possible correction: substituting online messaging for phone calls if one or two of the parties don’t like talking on the phone- I don’t).

    Congratulations for expressing yourself to her honestly. Before reading your recent post I didn’t know that you ever told her exactly like it is for you. Now I know that you did and I know that she knows for sure, how you feel.

    You blocked her but she knows where you work. If she wants to connect with you, she knows where to find you. Not that I expect her to show up at your place of work (I assume she thinks you will unblock her again because you did so before).

    What I would do, if I was you, is keep her blocked and do  “Let her go” (the title of your thread)! Best you can, let her go.

    You know what you want- this is most important. You know what kind of friendship/ relationship you want. You know you wanted it with her and you waited long enough.

    Now consider, at the least, entertain the thought in your brain, that the kind of friendship/ relationship that you want is possible for you elsewhere, with someone else.

    Again- excellent job at expressing yourself to her honestly and clearly. I am impressed!

    anita

    #309223

    pete
    Participant

    Yeah I ain’t changing for nobody, no idea why she would want me to. I can’t say we are done for good for good because the future is not set in stone, but for a long time I am. She thinks it will be a little break, naw if I’m gonna resume things will have to be more even, not 1 sided.

    #309227

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    “I ain’t changing for nobody”- in the context you mean it, I admire this statement that you are making!

    So you choose to block her for a long time. I understand.

    anita

    #309239

    pete
    Participant

    I’m gonna worry about myself. Throw myself in fitness and get in shape, my bike license, more active. No tinder, no women, no friends. Just me. Also learn how to talk to women better with self help books and trial and error.

    #309241

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Reads like a good plan to me. Regarding “how to talk to women better”- talk honestly, just like you did yesterday, with her. Do so with every woman and early on, so things are as clear and as simple as possible.

    anita

    #309245

    pete
    Participant

    Gotta do it consistently, it’s a skill. I’ll be around to post updates every now and then. Be good to yourself Anita.

    #309247

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Consistently is the way to go! Thank you for suggesting that I will be good to myself, how kind of you.

    I will look forward to your updates, and be good to yourself as well!

    anita

    #309407

    pete
    Participant

    Thanks, btw 1 final thought but when she said goodbye she seemed choked up a little, told her I was gonna take off now because she had a conference call in 10 minutes and I just wanted to go, told her bye, she talked a little longer and was like “well, bye…”. I feel more free and 2 days later feel as if I made the right decision. First thing she talked about was my motorbike license and getting it, guessing a hint for me to get it so I can visit her? She never talks about that and the timing of the call to take a break. She has my email anyway.

     

    anyway, peace!

    #309409

    anita
    Participant

    Dear blkhwkdwn1:

    Like you wrote, she has your email. She has a way to contact you if she wants to- but she had a way to contact you all this time and she hardly ever did, it was a one sided relationship, you stated so repeatedly. You don’t want that kind of a relationship, you want the two sided one, if not 50-50, then 7-30 (if I remember your math correctly).

    If you forget why you took this break read your recent posts, it will remind you of why you did it.

    anita

    #313651

    pete
    Participant

    So not much has been happening in the month I have been gone. Got my motorbike book to learn to practice before I look to get my license, also found a guy on youtube who I swear understands me inside what I want in life and how I think it should be (he used to be a pickup artist but PUA aint for me, just a certain mindset I want). As for the girl…I was really angry and had to start meditating on forgiveness and called her up a week later and forgave her and told her sorry and don’t want money to get between us like she told me last time we hiked. Anyway she went on a 2 week visit of her family on the East coast with him, they drove back.

     

    Apparently he is not much on sharing/expressing his feelings (like me) but I told her it’s a guy thing, men are conditioned to hide their feelings and it’s been that way for a long time, we are expected to. Anyway she told me they had to break their engagement. Apparently I just found out 1 month into their  relationship they got engaged, I told her that’s normal for a new relationship to be all high on those new relationship feelings for many months. Things were changing between them, he felt like she was distant and other things, told her it was an elephant in the room. So they are no longer engaged and she’s going to learn more about him, and she has been sounding not the same when talking about him, like with the pausing about things but things have been better since they broke the engagement, she was like the feeling was of a new really good friendship with someone when you click and stuff. They are also in no rush to move any time soon, might not even move but looking to make a yurt

     

    Anyway we talked for a half hour, she had to do some stuff Told me she wants to get a coffee or a hike soon, mentioned about that huge mountain but we agreed the weather is changing so another time, so most likely a coffee only, but only if she’s in the area that I am not going to get her to drive here from her new place.

     

    Also talked about my motorbike stuff…wont be riding it on the highway after my license for at least a year, rather be safe than dead. I don’t feel angry about the money anymore since I forgave her and said sorry, but that was mostly for me not her. I had too, I was WAAAY too angry. Not thought of the money ONCE since. Also back into keto full time. Recently started putting my veggies into a vitamix blender with strawberries to taste better and just added stevia for more better taste today. Also recently got into liver after hearing how it’s the best thing to ever eat with how nutrient dense it is. Also getting into *yuck* sardines for the benefits. Whatever, it’s only food…don’t need to like it, just need to eat it for the benefits and feel better.

     

    I’ll post again some other time. Peace!

Viewing 15 posts - 676 through 690 (of 748 total)

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