Dear blkhwdwn1:

I read your report of the meeting with her with much interest. I will re-read it tomorrow morning and post to you then, in about 12-13 hours from now.

anita

Dear blkhwkdwn1:

So you and her were on the phone at 10PM Sunday night and met Monday for a few hours at a coffee shop. She talked about energy and crystals helping her body tension of decades, you mentioned a psychic reading she had before. She told you that her boyfriend “came off the honeymoon phase and felt not as close to her” but he feels close to her again, that their relationship is not based on sex, and that she “likes his energy, says it’s exactly like my kind energy and a genuine energy”. And she told you that she is “better at reading people and knowing if they want to talk” to her. She was on the phone a lot messaging clients during the coffee meeting.

You told her: “I feel more nervous energy unless I am at work where I am not nervous”, You asked her about going for a long hike in the summer and she said yes. You asked her regarding bringing her boyfriend to the hike, and she said sure. After the coffee shop you walked home and she went to her car.

In your most recent post you wrote that you took her off your phone, and you “planned this being the last time we hung out, called, text. I am really tired of doing all the work and I  just wanna move on… I don’t wanna continue things.. a repeat of things every time and I will just keep wishing things were different”, and you wrote to me: “if something ever happens I’ll let you know. If not thanks for listening all these years”.

My thoughts and feelings today: I grew attached to your story over the months and years, it is a loss for me to let it go, how interesting, the title of your thread is “Let her go?”, and now I have trouble letting her go!

Of course, I can’t argue with your reasoning, that you don’t want to continue the Repeat of hoping and wishing things were different and it not happening. So I support you whole heartedly in aiming at not suffering, or suffering less.

What an interesting woman she is though, unusual, but then, you are interesting too and unusual too, in an interesting, fascinating way. And this thought right here (the one I just typed) brings me to the suggestion or invitation that you continue to post here (or start a new thread) and keep telling your story. I want to read more and more about your story.

But what I want matters way, way less in the context of your thread/s than what you want. So do what is right for you to do. It is hard for me to let go of your thread, really, don’t want to stop typing in here. But I support whatever choice you make, blakhwkdwn1. Wishing you well!!!

anita

Dear blkhwkdwn1:

It is fear that is “sweeping across the globe” more than any virus, a fear that is responsible for economic disaster so far.

So you messaged her what you messaged her. I do hope you feel a relief as a result. But I wonder about the word “Later” at the end of the message you sent her- doesn’t it mean that there will  be a future contact?

anita

Dear blkhwkdwn1:

“I was more around because she was single and bored”- no, she liked you, she wanted to help you, she genuinely liked you. You felt it from her, you knew she was genuine with you, this is why you’ve been so attached to her. If she was with you because she was single and bored, no way you would need her so much; all this time you wanted more of that genuine special thing you had with her long ago, and you didn’t get it.

She is now with another guy, so I guess it is “the old her” that you miss.  But there is another woman out there who will be like the old her: a woman who will genuinely like you and want to help you, and the two of you will both help each other.

anita

Dear blkhwkdwn1:

“for those several months we were SO CLOSE!!!.. kept delaying hanging up.. her genuinely wants to talk to me on the phone and be sad when we don’t.. put a frowny face when I said I was going to bed… that best summer of my life in 2017”- all this was real and genuine, it was the real thing. I  know it because I’ve been communicating with you for so long and I know that you wouldn’t feel about her the way you felt if she was not genuine. You felt “SO CLOSE!!!” because she was SO GENUINE!!!

Your situation is not rare, unfortunately- two people being so close and then.. distant. It is more often the case, as two people in a romantic or friends relationship being so close for a lifetime is rare.

“You think she will reply saying goodbye or anything?”- looking at history, I am guessing she will reply because she did before, following your goodbye messages of the past. If she is out of town, it is more likely that she will not return your messages because that’s what happened in the past. But there is a possibility that she is tired of the same-old-same-old goodbye/ I-am-back pattern on your part and will not message you whether she is in town or not.

“is she mad because what I said and just wants to ignore me?”- I got the impression that she is not easy to anger and that she is not passive aggressive, so I tend to think that she will not ignore you for the purpose of punishing you, because she is angry at you.

“Could not sleep well.. was becoming late for work often, work was about to write me up and I could not think of anything else but being angry”- I understand then why you sent her that goodbye message: it was your only way to get a relief from the ongoing anger and obsession about her, and why the two of you are no longer close.

It is better that you save your job and “Let her go”, after all, because the closeness is in the past, most of it anyway. It is sad that it is. I am sad for you. But like I mentioned, closeness is possible for you with someone else, just as it has been possible for her, with someone else.

About you pretending to be happy at work, for as long as it works for you, keep it going. But in a personal setting, such as in a personal friendship/ relationship, be genuine, in moderation (ex. express being sad and even cry, but not on and on for hours).

I’d say, if you do message her again, if you talk to her again, make it genuine, 100%. Be YOU.

anita

Dear blkhwkdwn1:

You are welcome. As far as meditation, when I was in therapy,  my very good therapist at the time had me listen to the whole Mindfulness series of Mark Williams who developed the series. You may like it too, if you try it.  am looking forward to you posting again for any reason.

anita