I am glad that my situation has provided some amusement for you, truly I am.

In my opinion, there is no God. I used to believe it but now I don’t. I find it easier not to believe than be of the opinion that God is some sort of prankster meddling with human lives.

I do not have a ‘mission’. I was born in 1970 and have no recollection of existing prior to that. If I have no memory of existing before 1970, then it stands to reason I will not retain any form of consciousness after death. On that score, I am with the atheists. I certainly don’t worry about non-believers, I am actually coming around to their way of thinking. And here’s the strangest thing. Before all this started I was a bog standard Catholic who dearly hoped there was an afterlife. But I don’t want it now. I just want to lose consciousness and go out like a blown light bulb. Because who is to say that the afterlife isn’t just another level of learning and suffering? Or who is to say we don’t just come back here to do it all over again? If you wish to believe in God then fine, believe. But you will surely have to accept that He or It is a God of pain, suffering and decay, for that is the natural order and predisposition of the planet He supposedly created. And I know we humans always get the blame for that, because of our ‘sins’. But the animal kingdom didn’t sin against God, and yet the suffering of animals is far worse than ours.

Best wishes,
Tannhauser

It’s very bad for me at the moment. I am also coping with long-standing chronic illness and I really don’t want to be here anymore. Life is too hard for me now. I hate the arrival of each new day and am only at peace when I am asleep. It’s fair to say that the possibility of me making an attempt on taking my own life is stronger than ever.

Once again, you bring God into it. There is no God.

Best wishes,
Tannhauser

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by Tannhauser.

Great news!!

Since the Kundalini/October Full Moon pushed through the blockage in my stomach/navel chakra two days ago I feel absolutely great. I have lots of energy and life seems magical and full of possibilities. This blockage must have been the cause of considerable weight gain due to the traumas I experienced over the years, because I am now able to fit into my old clothes again. Naturally, this is a considerable boost to my self-confidence and esteem.

My comments on God were incorrect. He/She/It is EVERYWHERE. God is Pan, Odin, Zeus and Jesus. God is Freya, Isis, Kali and Mary. Agni, Mazda, Holy Ghost, Great Spirit, the list is endless. God dwells amongst the trees as well as in temples. God is very kind, but sees the bigger picture and we don’t.

Best wishes and all happiness to you,
Tannhauser

My belief system has completely collapsed.

I am suffering dreadfully inside. I feel very empty. I want to get help but I don’t want to admit I am an incredibly weak person. I need to be strong for my mother because my father is ill and suffers with depression. On the other hand, I have a very strong desire to kill myself but worry it will go wrong and result in a prolonged death. I am in a terrible place, and the only way I can gain some relief is taking painkillers.

This has all been caused by Kundalini/Spiritual Awakening. Don’t let ANYONE tell you that these are good things. They are NOT.

Tannhauser

Thank you H8.

It is strange, but reciting those numbers had a positive effect on me (are you a wizard?). Sometimes, if I sit bolt upright I feel energies or vibrations coming into me and I start to oscillate slightly.

Your talk of angels reminds me of something that happened in the summer. One Friday evening I was reading about angels and how they communicate with people. Apparently they leave coins or feathers. (I must admit, I was somewhat skeptical about the stories I read). Anyway, the next morning I went down to my garden pond to remove the nets covering it (they protect the fish from herons). I noticed that a two-pence coin had been placed on each net. For a long time I truly believed that angels had communicated with me, and I kept the coins. Until the fateful day a few weeks later when I told my mother about it. She immediately concluded that the kids from next door had thrown the coins over, and what’s more, she said that if it happened again it would be proof that the kids did it. I was brutally crushed, and because I am now more sensitive than ever I went to my room and wept. In my ‘grief’ and upset, I stupidly gave her the coins because I felt I had deluded myself.

But the kids didn’t throw any more coins over the fence, and nor have they ever done so in all the years they have lived there.

I now believe that the coins materialized out of thin air from another dimension. It has happened before. With a van! The van bore an unusual company name which does not even exist here in Britain. It was just parked up in the street, but I sensed there was something unusual about it.

Thanks for your help. You are on my wavelength and you understand what I am going through. There is no-one I can turn to, and the biggest let down of them all was my parish priest. I went to him for help on two occasions, and on the last one he completely brushed me aside, he didn’t want to know. This episode was singularly the most devastating blow to my Catholicism. I can see that much of it is play-acting and lip-service, and I am now looking to leave with the minimum of fuss.

Once again, many thanks.
Tannhauser