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  • This topic has 869 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 3 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • #291873
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I get the shakes a little but no other side effects. I started the lithium/vibryd combo 5 years ago. Before that 10 years of trial and error with other ssri’s.  Lexapro worked for awhile but made me really tired.  I was diagnosed at 19 with major depressive disorder and tried Zoloft.  It didn’t work so I medicated with alcohol until 24 then got on lexapro from age 24-30. Tried a few other ssri’s from 30-35.

    Started noticing a major issue with anxiety after my depression was under control 5 years ago at age 35. I was perscribed Xanax to use as needed.  Started having panic attacks about 2-3 years ago.  All the anti depressants perscribed to help anxiety bright out more panic. We started trials with others drugs about 6 months ago.   I was Recently diagnosed as on the bi polar spectrum and started the  risperdol about 1 month ago.

    Lindsey

    #291879
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    Will you read the below and correct where needs to be corrected, or add drugs tried, your reaction to them (after the ->) :

    19, diagnosed with major depressive disorder.

    19-24, Zoloft-> “didn’t work”, alcohol

    24-30, lexapro

    30-35, other SSRIs.

    35, after your “depression was under control”,  you noticed a “major issue with anxiety”.

    35-   , Xanax as needed

    37 or 38,  “Started having panic attacks”.

    37/38-40, SSRIs to help anxiety -> “brought out more panic”.

    39-now, other drugs

    39, “diagnosed as on the bi polar spectrum”

    40- on, Risperdol

    * One more thing, at what age was it that your mother moved and didn’t have a room for you where she was living, that sudden abandonment you suffered, unexpected?

    anita

    #291895
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    19-only on Zoloft a few weeks then nothing.

    24-30- lexapro

    30-35- other ssri’s And anxiety increased

    35- current- vibryd and lithium, Xanax as needed.

    38-40- tried other anti depressants and medicinal marijuana made panic worse.

    39- diagnosed on bipolar spectrum.

    40- Risperdol

    My mom cut me off emotional when I started college and lived in the dorms.  They moved into a larger home across town.  I lived about an hour away. I was borderline anerexic in high school.  Moved to binge/purge/binge alcohol in college.

    Lindsey

     

    #291901
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    I will be back in a few hours, will read and reply to you when I am back.

    anita

    #291915
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    I want to google a few of the drugs I am not familiar with and will do so tomorrow morning. Borderline anorexic in high school, that was before your mother turned you loose, too soon and too sudden, before you went to college. Do you know what caused that anxiety, leading to borderline anorexic behavior in high school, and do you remember other anxiety fueled symptoms before high school, earlier, as early as in grammar school, even before?

    – one more thing, if you are inclined to answer (I am okay if you don’t want to answer any of my questions!), I remember you wrote that you and your mother, who had you at 19, “grew up together”- I am wondering what you mean by that, growing up together, on your end, how do you grow up together with .. your mother?

    I will turn off the computer next and be back in about 14 hours from now, hope you have a productive meeting with the psychologist tomorrow!

    anita

    #291917
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    You ask really good questions.  I guess what I mean by us growing up together is I was always with her.  She did everything for me; picked out my outfits, did my hair, and made most of my decisions for me really.  I had a hard time going to school and not being with her; I cried everyday the first week of school.  I can remember suddenly missing her at different times in grammar school.  I remember everything embarrassing me in middle school. I suddenly felt ugly when puberty hit and I was slow to develop.  In high school I continued to be very sensitive.  Dating was hard because I was really shy until around 17.  The summer before senior year of high school is when I started barely eating.  I was 17 and had a 21 year old boyfriend.  I started drinking and smoking pot.  I felt like I was not in control of anything in my life.  I could control what I ate but I didn’t like myself.  I knew I was different and felt hollow.

    Ps- my counseling session is Wednesday May 2nd.  I’m an idiot lol.

    Lindsey

    #291979
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    I studied your thread this morning, reading all your posts. I will send you two posts this morning. The first will be about your psychiatric drugs take and the second about the rest. Please read and re-read the following over time, when you are calm so to best absorb some basic information and examine your drug intake past and currently.

    You were diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 19 and twenty years later, at 39, you were diagnosed “as on the bi polar spectrum”. You’ve been taking a combination of Lithium and Vibryd for the last five years, currently 600 mg lithium and 40 mg vibryd. You also take Risperdal since recently, increased dosage a day ago. And you take or took very recently Klonipin as needed and Xanax as needed in the last five years.

    In the past you took Zoloft for a few weeks and it “didn’t work” (19). You took another SSRI, Lexapro, for six years, 24-30, and it “worked for awhile but made (you) tired”. You then tried other SSRIs from 30-35. At 35 you noticed that your anxiety increased and at 37 or 38 you started having panic attacks. SSRIs from 37-40 “brought out more panic”. You used alcohol and marijuana as well and the latter increased your anxiety.

    About lithium: as a medicine it is “primarily used as a psychiatric medication…If levels become too high, diarrhea, vomiting, poor coordination, sleepiness, and ringing in the ears may occur… Lithium salts are classified as mood stabilizers. How lithium works is not specifically known… Lithium is used primarily for bipolar disorder. It is sometimes used when other treatments are not effective in a number of other conditions, including major depression, schizophrenia, disorders of impulse control…The required dosage is slightly less than the toxic level, requiring close monitoring of blood levels of lithium carbonate during treatment… Those who use lithium should receive regular serum level tests and should monitor thyroid and kidney function for abnormalities, as it interferes with the regulation of sodium and water levels in the body, and can cause dehydration.. Very Common (>10% incidence) adverse effects of lithium include Confusion, Constipation.., Decreased memory, Diarrhea.. Dry mouth, EKG changes.. Hand tremor.., Headache..” -Wikipedia, “Lithium (medication)”.

    About Vibryd: “Vilazodone, sold under the brand name Viibryd among others, is a medication used to treat major depressive disorder… Common side effects include nausea, diarrhea, and trouble sleeping… mania… It is in the serotonin modulator class of medications and is believed to work both as an SSRI and activator of the.. receptor…Vilazodone was approved for medical use in the United States in 2011… According to FDA staff, ‘it is unknown whether (vilazodone) has any advantages compared to other drugs in the antidepressant class… New warnings will be added to the Viibryd label related to a link between the drug and acute pancreatitis…Very common adverse effects (incidence > 10% Nausea, Diarrhea, Headache”- Wikipedia, “Vilazodone”.

    About Xanax: “Alprazolam, sold under the trade name Xanax among others, is a short-acting benzodiazepine. It is most commonly used in short term management of anxiety disorders, specifically panic disorder or generalized anxiety disorder… Common side effects include sleepiness, depression, headache, feeling tired, dry mouth, and memory problems… Alprazolam is effective in the relief of moderate to severe anxiety and panic attacks. However, it is not a first line treatment since the development of selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors… Most evidence shows that the benefits of alprazolam in treating panic disorder last only 4 to 10 weeks”- Wikipedia, “Alprazolam”.

    Regarding Klonipin, “Clonazepan, sold under the brand name Klonipin among others, is a medication used to prevent and treat seizures, panic disorder… It is a tranquilizer of the benzodiazepine class… Common side effects include sleepiness, poor coordination, and agitation”- Wikipedia, “Clonazepan”.

    Regarding Risperdal: “Risperidone, sold under the brand name Risperdal among others, is an antipsychotic. It is used to treat schizophrenia, bipolar disorder… Common side effects include movement problems, sleepiness, dizziness, trouble seeing, constipation, and increased weight. Serious side effects may include the potentially permanent movement disorder tardive dyskinesia… Risperidone has shown promise in treating therapy-resistant obsessive-compulsive disorder, when serotonin reuptake inhibitors are not sufficient”- Wikipedia, “Risperdal”.

    Now, my input: reads to me that the only possible success you had with psychiatric drugs is the Lexapro you took for six years, 24-30. I didn’t google it this morning, but from my knowledge it is an SSRI with quite a good reputation. The reason I say that the only possible success you experienced was with Lexapro is that you took it for six years, you kept taking it for long six years. And you stopped because it made you tired, and I guess you were tired of being tired.

    Problem is, all the drugs you took after is making you tired as well, and sleepless, and some of their common side effects are distressing, increasing anxiety and the tiredness involved with anxiety. Seems to me that the combination of Lithium and Vibryd is not working well for you, as your anxiety and panic attacks are significant, currently and for a long time.

    I suggest that you do re-read the above, take notes, think and bring your thoughts to your psychiatrist. Reads to me that it may  be better for you to get off the combination you are on (Lithium and Vibryd) and get back to Lexapro.

    Lots of your distress, anxiety, panic is a result of these psychiatric drugs, so re-evaluate, with a psychiatrist the benefit vs harm that these are causing you currently.

    Next I will submit the second post of this morning.

    anita

     

     

     

    #292001
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    You live alone, sharing custody of your six year old and seven year old. You moved out of your marital home last month after 12 years of marriage, of which the last 1.5 years, the two of you had your own separate rooms, living together as roommates and co parents only.

    You live in a small town and work for a big company. Your estranged husband also works in that big company, as well as M., a man you had a three month romantic and sexual relationship with earlier this year.

    You suffer from significant anxiety, panic attacks, a mood disorder (on the bipolar spectrum) and you obsess a whole lot over M, your co-worker, all while being on heavy psychiatric medications and parenting your two young children part of the time. You did not have any or any significant psychotherapy experience, and have made an appointment with a psychologist today.

    Your mother had you when she was 19, then had two other children when she was 31 and 33. When she had you at 19, you were her only child for 12 years. You received a lot of her attention, not as a person, but as a doll. For the first twelve years of your life, you were your mother’s doll, her plaything, her toy: “I was always with her. She did everything for me: picked out my outfits, did my hair, and made most of my decisions for me really”.

    For the young you, safety was with your mother and danger was away from her: “I had a hard time going to school and not being with her; I cried everyday the first week of school”.

    When you were 12, about the time you entered middle school, for the first time in your life, you were not your mother’s only child, and the doll- child was entering puberty: “I remember everything embarrassing me in middle school. I suddenly felt ugly when puberty hit and I was slow to develop”.

    At about 17, you “started barely eating”, perhaps (?) wanting to return to the pre-puberty doll like body, and you started “drinking and smoking pot”.

    “I knew I was different and I felt hollow”- a human being treated like a doll, a toy, an object, does feel hollow because so much about you has been ignored, as if it wasn’t there, specifically, how you feel, what you want, what makes you happy.. or sad.

    Sometime after your mother had two additional children, you, her toy, became a problem for her. You transitioned from Toy to Problem. When you went to college she took the opportunity to remove the Problem from her home by moving to a home without a room for you, and so you lived in the college dorms.

    “She emotionally cut herself off from me overnight”- it was not overnight, it just hit you hard when she “moved into a new house without a room for me”.

    What has been happening ever since she moved to that new house is that you’ve been chasing her, begging her to take you back. You call her, you ask for things, you beg, you get angry, you fight and then you apologize, and repeat: “I texted my mom to Venmo me the money 200-300 dollars.. She got frustrated and said she doesn’t have money just sitting around… I then got very upset and said some smart words and that I was not coming down to visit next weekend” (notice you used the term “smart words” as a child would use regarding talking disrespectfully to her parent).

    “She is away at a tennis tournament and last time I spoke to her she made it clear she has her own problems to deal with and for me to  figure it out on my own. This is her tone 75% of the time”- you chase her like an exiled-from-home child, chasing her mother.

    “So I had to eat s*^* basically early this morning and apologize to my mother even though I don’t mean it”- you fight with her, using “smart words”, then you apologize, even though you don’t mean it. Like a child.

    What happened with M is a reactivation of the same dynamic you have with your mother (except for the sexual element): “I was begging (him) not to end it…as soon as he said this can’t go anywhere he cut himself off emotionally and I felt like I kept chasing it… We argued back and forth and I got out what I needed to say in general. I was thinking of apologizing to him tomorrow?… I told him this morning I was sorry about what I said… how can I not think about begging him to not stop talking to me”.

    “he is pissed about my hurtful text messages. Because I knew what to say to get to him. I felt like a child”- you try to get to him just as you try to get to your mother, to get him/ her angry at you so that he/she will pay attention to you and take you back.

    You start an argument/ fight with M/ your Mother so that he/ she will think about you, which is better than him/ her not thinking about you at all (“I’m confident that 1. He probably does not think of me at all”).

    “I feel a sense of panic when I’m alone it’s hard to describe”- same as that separation anxiety you experienced when she dropped you at school, grammar school, isn’t it?

    The relationship with M was mostly this: “I would go to his house and eat dinner play with his dog watch movies etc. we talked quite a bit about life”- you felt comfortable, at home with him, at as much at home as you know home to feel like. But there was a feeling of disappointment on your part with M as there has been all along with your mother, the connection with both has been unsatisfactory and disappointing: “With M. I wanted sex it just .. was disappointing after.. I wanted comfort and connection… Trying not to call my mom for advice bc I’ll just end up getting disappointed.

    You wrote regarding M: “I just have things I want to say and it keeps going around I my head”- you also have things to say to your mother, things she never listened to.

    M activated your childhood-and-ongoing dynamic with your mother because he was a “very alpha male. Very confident… gives you the impression he’s an a hole until you talk to him and he’s cool to talk with.. not attached to anything… disrespectful/indifferent to me and my feelings”, like your mother.

    “I think I may have been in a manic state when I started flirting/ hitting on him”- the same passion a child has trying to get the attention and love of an unattached .. a hole kind of a mother.

    “I took that as (M) thinks I’m obsessed/stalker/he’s trying to avoid me at all costs. I took that very personally”- you perceived his behavior (and it may have been so) as your mother’s behavior, treating her daughter like an obsessed stalker, in later childhood and ever since.

    Time to stop that dynamic, with your mother and with M. Time to never chase and beg again.

    Enough for now. Take your time, if you will, before you reply. I would like you to calmly consider what I wrote here before you reply.

    anita

    #292009
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    On a side note I’m 99% positive the risperdon was increasing my anxiety.  I increased the dosage last night and started having reacurring panic attacks.  This has happened before with meds.  I’m waiting to hear back from the doctor on trying something new.

    I bet you are a retired mental health counselor.  You are pretty spot on with the analysis. Like big time right actually.  At one point I thought my morther and M. acted similar.  How do you stop the embarrassment? These actions and thoughts are very damaging.  I don’t want anyone to think I’m a freak or that I have issues. I will include your insights with my psychologist.  Appointment tomorrow at 11am.

    Lindsey

    #292019
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    No, I am not a retired mental health counselor. What I know  is what I learned since my first quality psychotherapy 2011-2013 and since, a lot of my learning has been right here, four years of extensive and intensive communication with hundreds of  people from all over the world.

    I hope you let me know tomorrow how the appointment goes, hope it goes well!

    anita

    #292237
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    sorry I just noticed the first thread about the meds.  Lexapro really didn’t work.  I was so tired and out of it I almost lost my job.  My family saw a significant change in my personality and i appeared drugged to them.  I literally only wanted to sleep.

    My very first anxiety attack was when I tried busabar when I was about 31. I slowly started noticing my anxiety before I was prescribed vibryd and lithium at 35.  I started noticing significant signs of anxiety at 38 and was given alprasalam as needed.  I do not believe the combo is making my anxiety worse, I believe it just isn’t helping at all. The other 2 drugs I’ve tried to date for anxiety are latuda and resperdone and they have brought on panic attacks.

    I would like to thank you for taking the time to study my posts and give your patient insight and advice.  I meet with my therapist today and I really like her.  She thanks you for the idea of the paper summary of my meds and issues I want to work with, etc.  She has heard of this forum and I told her Anita has helped me in more ways than she will ever know. We are meeting every Friday at noon.  The one thing I took away from our appointment today is that maybe I’m not as crazy as I thought I was.  We discussed my mother, another insight you pointed out and I thank you for that.  I have to journal which I hate lol. I have some hope she can help with my self worth and self esteem.

    lindsey

     

    #292251
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    I agree: you are not as crazy as you sometimes suggested here. Your thinking is quite clear, I noticed it yesterday when I re-read your posts, and your humor is also pretty healthy, so it reads to me.

    You are welcome and I appreciate you expressing an appreciation of me, I smile as I type this.

    I am glad you like the therapist you met today and that you will be meeting her every Friday at noon. Regarding the medications, with your report of Lexapro not working, well, none of them have been working then, maybe it will be better for you to gradually, very gradually stop taking all of them, one by one, I suppose, while seeing a psychiatrist throughout the process of coming off all these drugs. This is what I did and am now psych-drug free since Oct 2013.

    I will soon be away from the computer and back tomorrow morning.

    anita

    #292437
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    Don’t be a stranger.. unless you want to, of course. How are you?

    anita

    #292439
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’ll never be a stranger.  Currently I’m relaxing at Starbucks.  It’s been about 4 days and those meds are almost out of my system and I feel better.  I’m going to start journaling tonight.

    I knew you were headed towards the no meds. I would love to do that. However when I had to get off of everything to start the vibryd about 5 years ago I literally could not get out of bed.  I went to the psychiatrist crying so hard I couldn’t talk and left out the back door.

    There is a guy at work that Skyped me Friday. He has kind of been on my radar at least as friend material because he is actually a nice guy.  He’s younger, only 30. Cute.  I’m trying to be very smart and guarded. Not overthink anything. Be friends first.  My psychologist is going to tell me no do not date right now. Well I already made up my mind if he asks so…

    How are you?

    Lindsey

    #292443
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Lindsey:

    I just had an early brunch that included home made fresh bread just out of the oven, so understandably, I feel very, very good.

    Reads to me that these meds have not and are not working for you, so the general objective of getting off all of them reads like an excellent choice, but it will be very difficult because of the addiction factor/ the adjustments your brain already made so to accommodate these powerful drugs brought into your brain and body. You will feel badly coming off them, not because they were good for you, or helpful (they definitely cured nothing at all!) but because, like heroine, they are addictive.

    So do it with a psychiatrist’s help, gradually and very, very slowly, get off all of them, one at a time- and not so to accommodate yet another drug- but so to be drug free.

    The new guy who is younger, well you said you look younger and always have looked younger, so the age difference is no concern of mine, my only concern is to not have an M- repeat.

    Soon I will be going on my daily 3.5 mile walk (that helps when getting off drugs, by the way), and back to the computer a bit later.

    anita

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