May 5, 2019 at 3:24 pm #292499
I believe my episode with M. Showed how sick emotionally I had become. Sometimes we meet people who bring out the worst in us too. What he was looking for and what type of man he is was shown early on. I chose not to see any of it. But he brought me to you and little Buddha and to my counselor. Ready for an evening with Game of Thrones.
LindseyMay 6, 2019 at 8:32 am #292557
Well, I am glad you are here and that you will be seeing a counselor every Friday. I hope you enjoyed your game (I am not familiar with it, don’t play games…. the last one I remember playing was decades ago, monopoly and scramble a few years ago, nothing online.
anitaMay 7, 2019 at 4:36 pm #292743
Games of Thrones is a tv show on HBO lol!!
I was thinking earlier that my past relationships and how successful or healthy they were depended entirely on my mood at the time. I had a lot of up and down moods. I’m journaling and I kind of like it kind of don’t. It makes you face your thoughts.
LindseyMay 7, 2019 at 7:57 pm #292785
I must be the only person in the whole wild word who isn’t familiar with that HBO show, or one of the very few, maybe. I don’t watch TV/ cable at all, not since 2013, none whatsoever. Last show I watched was The Big Bang Theory. I don’t know if that is still playing.
Maybe it is possible to have good relationships even with “up and down moods”. I remember the term “emotional regulation skills” I was introduced to in therapy, it is about regulating those ups and downs.
I will be back to the computer in about 10 hours.
anitaMay 8, 2019 at 11:48 am #292863
I feel like it is very easy to slip and go back to unhealthy behaviors. I had IM (instant messenger) conversations with the new guy, K., Friday and Monday. Yesterday I did not speak with him and up until this morning I was overthinking/worrying does he like me. My friend intervened before I did something desperate like reach out and give him my number. I’m embarrassed and frustrated with myself. I feel overwhelmed in how to change the way I think. I have this constant need for reassurance and it makes me feel pathetic.
I think about companionship too much because I feel very lonely.
LindseyMay 8, 2019 at 12:09 pm #292865
I’m worried that I am not healthy right now and am not ready to date. However I would go out with him anyway if he asked me.
LindseyMay 8, 2019 at 12:29 pm #292869
Something to talk about Friday, I hope, with your new therapist. And here, of course. I understand your desperation for company, I sure do, own experience, I know loneliness only too well.
Don’t forget your young children, see to it that you do spend time with them, a calm time because they need you calm. Read to them, play with them. And when you are alone, then think of K.
Pace yourself with K. A bit here and a bit there, no… binging and purging (food or men), take a bite, chew thoroughly, best you can, put the fork down, so to speak, take a few breaths.
anitaMay 8, 2019 at 1:41 pm #292875
yes will talk on Friday because all this does is make me feel bad about myself. It increases my anxiety in general. I know it’s nothing to worry about but my brain thinks otherwise. This is an awful feeling. I have butterflies/ rocks in my stomach.
LindseyMay 8, 2019 at 1:55 pm #292877
Will you tell me what thoughts accompany these butterflies in your stomach regarding K?
Will be back in a couple-three hours.
anitaMay 8, 2019 at 1:56 pm #292879
* didn’t reflect under TopicsMay 8, 2019 at 4:06 pm #292917
My thoughts are will he message me by Friday? Does he like me? Ok should I message him Friday? Am I pathetic?
He doesn’t like me I made a fool of myself. This is so embarrassing. I do this all the time. I’m worthless. I need to stay away I’ll mess it all up.
Then I will tell myself positive things like who cares he’s younger, not worth worrying and move on but my brain will circle around again and again to the bad stuff.
LindseyMay 8, 2019 at 5:19 pm #292931
“I’ll mess it all up”- there is no relationship yet with K to be messing up, nothing has been built yet with him, so there is nothing to break, no?
anitaMay 8, 2019 at 10:10 pm #292963
Yes you are 100% right. My brain gets into OCD fixation mode. It’s really frustrating and makes me feel like I have no control over my life and it happens over and over again.
I’m going to try and sit back and relax. In reality these instant messages could be taken as friendly and not in a dating interest with K. I’m not in a position to date and I need to try and not pursue anything. I think it would probably not go well based on my mental health right now.
LindseyMay 9, 2019 at 8:13 am #293021
Keep correcting your own thoughts, putting them through reality-testing, and do that again, and again. Mental health is when your thinking fits reality and sickness is when what we think takes a… leave of absence from reality.
Bring your thinking back to reality and the emotions will adjust to reality instead of fantasies and images of what is not really happening.
anitaMay 11, 2019 at 12:02 pm #293269
Things are starting to look up a bit. K. And I are friends. We’ve exchanged numbers and are going to watch game of thrones together tomorrow possibly. I feel like this is the start of something healthy. I’m still having trywith panic attacks at night. My counselor taught me some deep breathing techniques I’m working on. Hope all is well.