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This topic contains 193 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 day, 4 hours ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 166 through 180 (of 194 total)
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  • #293271

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Now that I know Game of Thrones is not a board game, I know what you will be doing tomorrow with K and I hope this is all that you will be doing with K,  that is, too early to do anything else, pace yourself, remember. Get to know him better before you take the relationship further than game of thrones and popcorn, or pizza.

    Be back in a few hours.

    anita

    #293275

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yes absolutely.  I could say we are strictly friends but I’ve never hung out with him yet.  I’ve got to keep my guard up a bit. He’s different from M. But guys are still guys.  I’m trying to form a healthy friendship.

    Lindsey

    #293279

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I suggest you set a few rules for yourself, for get together with K: 1, 2, 3.. and be specific..?

    anita

    #293335

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Well I’m not sure because I honestly don’t think he’s going to try anything. But first I would say make sure there is space between us while watching the show.  Also when I leave do not initiate like a hug or anything just say bye.

    Lindsey

    #293339

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I’ll be back in a couple/few hours to reply. Add anything that comes to your mind regarding rules.

    anita

    #293341

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    what should I say if he does try to kiss me?  I was leaning towards I like you but I’m trying to take this slow.  If you’d like to go on a date I would go but I’m not going to come to your house to just mess around. That’s not what I’m looking for.

    Lindsey

    #293351

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    It is very important that you decide ahead of time what limits you will enforce when in his company, and plan what to do in different scenarios. It is a good thing you brought up the scenario of him trying to kiss you.

    If he does, be firm, meaning say what you will say in a confident, strong voice, not aggressively, not loud, but firm and strong. Say something like what you suggested above. Developed a bit: I am not interested in messing around casually. At this point we are casually spending time together, we are not dating. Kissing, for me, is part of dating, not of casually spending time together.

    If he does not respect that, my goodness, that will indicate that K is not  worthy of your time, that will be too bad. If he respects it, then enjoy the time with him. If he later tries to kiss you again (I hope not!) ask him if he remembers what you told him earlier and wait for his answer.

    If a man… forgets a woman’s assertion of no kissing/ sex and tries again, it doesn’t mean the woman should forget her own assertion as well! It means he gets at best one more reminder before game over.

    anita

    #293471

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Things went well.  I feel dumb with my assumptions because his roommate was there watching the show with us.

    Now I’m even wondering if he is interested in me other than a friend.  He was texting me a lot Friday and Saturday and sent a text when I got home last night thanking me for coming over and wishing me a happy mother’s day.  Maybe he’s just trying to get to know me. That’s what I’m doing.  He’s told me about his past and he had a really bad toxic breakup and then a crazy girlfriend.

    Lindsey

    #293477

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I wish you didn’t feel dumb- it is smart to prepare just in case, to figure out different scenarios and prepare for each. Better than to wing it, for an impulsive person who tends to go up and down!

    He had a crazy girlfriend, did you ask him what he meant by crazy (so that you don’t act the same crazy. lol)?

    anita

    #293515

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    i know of details with 2 specific relationships. The first he stated was toxic and they have a child together.  He does not see the child supposedly the mother doesn’t allow it but pays child support.

    the 2nd was recent.  He states he was seeing a 41 y/o who works in a different department.  He stated before he knew what was happening he was staying with her all the time.  He ended it when her child called him dad or something along those lines.  He stated she has issues and still reaches out to him.  This story concerns me and makes me play things cool. I make sure he initiates all conversations.  I told him that I would never introduce or have someone around my children unless things were very very serious.

    Lindsey

    #293523

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Proceed with caution. You have your issues, yes, but he has his own issues and they are significant aw well.

    anita

    #293591

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    yes I will. I told him I think he has issues with boundaries.  Do you have any advice or should I be looking out for anything in particular?

    I’m just trying to get to know him right now.

    Lindsey

     

    #293599

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    At this point look out for this: does he keep his  word to you? If he tells you that he will call you in the evening, does he?

    Also, is he motivated to spend time with you; let him know you like him and you want to spend more time with him, to get to know him better as a friend at this point. Then wait. See if he contacts you. If you rush and contact him, you will not know if he is motivated to spend time with you.

    * I will be back in  a few hours.

    anita

    #293691

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    i have been very mindful to make sure he initiates texting and reaches out first.  Here is an example.  I watched game of thrones and when I was going to leave he said I should come and watch the finale the next Sunday.  I got home and had a bath and he had texted me thanking me for coming over and hope I had a good morhyday.  I responded and said I would come over the next suntans that I had fun.

    So far so good.  He texts every day.

    Lindsey

    #293693

    lindsey
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Horrible autocorrect . Let me fix.  … hope I had a good mother’s day….. come over the next Sunday and that I had fun.</p>
    Lindsey

Viewing 15 posts - 166 through 180 (of 194 total)

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