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This topic contains 777 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by  anita 4 days, 22 hours ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 286 through 300 (of 778 total)
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  • #298673

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I agree, anxiety is a very unpleasant feeling and experience, I very much dislike it myself. How nice calm is in comparison, isn’t it? Try to not be carried away with that “constant doubt” thoughts. Notice any one thought, saying to himself something like: I just thought that maybe he doesn’t like me anymore because of the way he said ‘hi”. Well, if he doesn’t like me anymore, there is nothing I can do about it, is there. Thinking about it is happening in between my ears, it is not going to make a difference to him. So calm- I choose calm instead, it definitely feels better.

    anita

    #298683

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I sent a work message to K 10 minutes ago and no response.  I hate this.  This is not fun.  I do not understand.

    Lindsey

    #298685

    lindsey
    Participant

    As I hit send he replied.  I think I need to calm down today.  Try to meditate later.

    #298693

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    May calm be with you. Keep the intent to calm down the whole day and hope to read that you achieved that aim for the most part at the end of the day.

    anita

    #298739

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I ended up going home. My anxiety was going crazy.  I feel like I need some type of reassurance because he seemed quiet today.

    I feel like I’m not doing as well as I should. Realistically someone is not going to hang out with you and the next day decide they don’t like you. Please help.

    Lindsey

    #298745

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Think about the danger you are scared of, that he will not like you anymore. How is it dangerous?

    If a cougar approached you as you walk at night, that is danger. If a tornado is getting close.. danger, you are starving, skin and bones.. danger, thirsty and lost in a hot, dry desert, danger.

    K not liking you, no danger. No danger, no fear.

    It is unpleasant to not be liked by someone we like, but no danger. No danger- No fear.

    anita

    #298747

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    then I feel extremely unpleasant lol.  My body makes it feel like I’m in danger.  Unpleasant thoughts just go around and around in my head.  I’m very tired and very down on myself.

    Lundsey

    #298749

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I know the nature of anxiety, fear without danger, no present or imminent danger, and yet there it is, fear. It helps sometimes to say to oneself: no danger- no fear when you look around and figure, oh, there is no danger for me right here and right now. It helps to say it and take deep breaths as you say it.

    K is probably anxious too, this is why he likes to get tipsy. I like to get tipsy myself, but not drunk, of course, just tipsy, pleasant. But I digress again.

    No Danger- No Fear.

    I will soon be away from the computer for the rest of the day and back in about 13-14 hours from now.

    anita

    #298827

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I woke up this morning and almost texted K that I did not want to be friends anymore.  I’m kind of at the end of my rope emotionally.   The days where he barely talks ( about once a week) makes me literally feel like I’m going crazy.   I also am starting to have doubts of more than a friendship will happen based on his maturity level as I get to know him more.  I think that’s also contributing to the anxiety I am feeling.

    Is there a way I can provide myself reassurance?  That seems to be the reason for a lot of my anxiety.  I am not in a position right now to discuss my anxiety with him.  I would rather eat dirt that try to explain to him or ask him for reassurance at this point.

    Lindsey

    #298835

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    If he is not a reliable man, emotionally volatile and you need a reliable and stable man, there is no assurance or reassurance that will be true. No reassurance is appropriate if there is no truth to it.

    He is 30, he lives with a roommate, what else do you know about him?

    anita

    #298837

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    He was in a toxic relationship from 22-27 has a daughter he does not see.  Has had 2 relationships since then.  Says he has a wall up.  Says he is very careful who he gets involved with emotionally.  Says a recent mistake of a one night stand with a coworker here at work set him back “big time.”  That was about 1 month ago.  When he drinks his guard comes down.  Says he could never make prior girlfriends happy.  Said they all wanted to marry him? Does not see his father, parents divorced, his father remarried 2 more times.  He has 2 younger brothers, 21 y/o brother has autism.  Gets along well with his mother.

    Lindsey

    #298853

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Doesn’t read promising, unfortunately to you, because I know how much you need a promising relationship. Only a month ago he had a one night stand that set him back “big time”, and only a few days ago he arrived at your home tipsy. And he doesn’t see his own daughter, not a responsible father. His life in his original family was difficult, lots of stress there, growing up. I don’t think he attended psychotherapy… didn’t mention that to you?

    anita

    #298861

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    No psychotherapy that I know of.  There is some type of backstory with the daughter and the mom not allowing him to see her but he pays child support.

    I feel awful and don’t know what to do.  Whenever he gets these quiet days where he doesn’t talk much I take it personally and when I reach out I feel worse after.  I don’t know what to do

    Lindsey

    #298865

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    He has the legal right to see his daughter. He probably doesn’t want to do what it takes.

    It is not a good way to live, feeling good on a day he talks and feeling bad on a day he doesn’t talk. This means his amount of talking per day determines the quality of your day.

    Either you learn to endure his quiet days or end the friendship/ whatever the relationship is at this point.

    anita

    #298889

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I agree.  Trying to not focus on it.  Focus on more important things in my  life right now.  I am giving him/the situation too much power over my life.

    Lindsey

Viewing 15 posts - 286 through 300 (of 778 total)

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