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This topic contains 777 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by  anita 4 days, 10 hours ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 481 through 495 (of 778 total)
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  • #305545

    lindsey
    Participant

    **maybe this is a blessing in disguise.  what would have happened had I not had the kids Friday night and he came over to my apartment?  I think he would have the same behaviors the following days **  He looked very tired today when I saw him.  I think he’s going downhill again.

    Lindsey

    #305557

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    He is flaky and you can’t depend on him. His flakiness is nothing to do with who you are, it is who he is. Not because he cares or doesn’t care about you, he just is the way he is. Don’t expect him to be someone else. Reads again that he is not well emotionally, depressed.

    anita

    #305573

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    You are right.  Trying to take this in stride and not have anxiety or anger.  Trying not to take it personally.  Have a good day and thank for your wisdom.

    Lindsey

    #305581

    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Lindsey. I will soon be away and back tomorrow morning, in about 14 hours from now.

    anita

    #306081

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’ve asked my ex for a divorce contract that he has been working on and it seems he is dragging his feet.  I’m ready to just draft my own contract and forward it to him.

    Also, I really did not think about that fact that someone would not want to start a relationship with me until I am divorced.  I mean I really didn’t think about it but if it were me I definitely would not start something until a guy until he was divorced.  I think this is part of what holds K back based on a comment he made.  Which is fine.  It’s no the only thing stopping either of us.

    It’s been a pretty normal week so far.  I had the kids Monday and Tuesday and then they will be going to Florida on Saturday with my ex to see my parents.  I will be going next Friday.  I am a little nervous about going but I’m just going to try and have a good time seeing family and friends.

    Lindsey

    #306085

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Sure being separated and divorced is a better invitation to a relationship from a single, available man. Except that K is flaky and unreliable, and that has nothing to do with your legal marital status.

    So Friday, less than two weeks from now, you will be flying to Florida to meet your children there, at your parents’ home?

    anita

    #306087

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    K and I were talking and he stated he is not ready to start a relationship yet.  He also stated that I wasn’t divorced yet.  That’s were I was coming from with the statement.  I also asked a male friend and he said that he would wait until a woman was divorced before dating her.

    Could part of him being unreliable is because he’s not ready to date?

    Yes I will be flying and staying at my parents home.  I’m excited to see family.  I think everything will be fine so far.  My ex will not be there.

    Lindsey

    #306091

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Don’t let me use the “not divorced yet” to explain his issues and problems.  I’ll get focused on that.  I’ve got to remember the bigger picture.

    Lindsey

    #306103

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Most important is that you will not see your ex in Florida. Be ready for very-hot-and-humid there, as you know, I am sure.

    “Could part of him being unreliable is because he’s not ready to date?”- no. Let’s say he’s ready to date. For a while he may be so excited and looking for a lot of your company, but after a high of sorts, he will be back to his flakey ways, not calling or texting, not following up on his plans and so forth.

    anita

    #306109

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I agree.  You are right.  I think I’m just looking for something to grab; something to hold on to so I feel better.  It is very stressful dealing with my ex over coming up with a contract prior to the divorce.

    I want someone to reach out to for advice and help so it is a struggle. I have not reached out to K for help. Right now he is silent and barely talking.

    Lindsey

    #306135

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I understand you “lookin for something to grab; something to hold on to so I feel better”- I suppose you can always post here, it is something you can hold on to, because I will reply to you every time you post. I am not surprised K is “silent and barely talking” right now. You can trust him to be this way often enough because often he has been just this way. I don’t think he is trying to displease you, he is shutting down so to feel more comfortable within himself.

    I will soon be away from the computer and back tomorrow morning.

    anita

    #306267

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you, I will post often as I find a lot of comfort in your replies; they are full of wisdom and insight.  I had a counselor appointment this morning and it went well.  I had not seen her in about a  month so we had a lot of catching up to do.  I have a name for a mediator that I’m going to call and schedule an appointment so we can get everything underway with the divorce.

    She obviously thinks I should only be friends with K and that I’m in trouble in a sense because I have feelings for him and it will be hard with his back and forth actions.

    Lindsey

    #306271

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    You are welcome and thank you for your kind words. Good you had a counseling session and that you have a name for a mediator. The feelings you have for K, that means that you are repeatedly motivated to have a romantic relationship with him, so every time he let’s say smiles at you or texts you, hope is ignited and then when he doesn’t attend to you, doesn’t text back, hope is crushed. These ups and downs are not good for you.

    anita

    #306275

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I’m working on not thinking about having a romantic relationship with him.  I really am.  I know it is not healthy for me at all to pursue that.  I have the weekend and week to myself  so I’m going to try and do a lot of things that bring peace and quiet to my brain.  Talk soon,

    Lindsey

    #306279

    anita
    Participant

    Talk to you soon, Lindsey. I hope you have a relaxing weekend.

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 481 through 495 (of 778 total)

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