August 5, 2019 at 10:56 am #306681
I had a relaxing weekend. Hung out at the pool with a friend on Saturday. Cleaned and ran errands Sunday. I would have gone to the movies but nothing is playing right now. Heard a little from K. on Friday. Not much at all. This time last month he was quiet.
Feel like I’m not feeling much right now. My cousin Michelle who is about 9 months older than me told me yesterday that several years ago my ex hit on my other cousin Lauren who is 32 and stated maybe he married the wrong cousin. Apparently her husband heard what he said. No one planned on saying anything to me- my cousin Michelle said she was sorry for telling me this morning-but it’s fine that she did. She and I are pretty close and she is picking me up from the airport in Florida this Friday.
I’ve asked my parents to sit down together and come up with some healthy boundaries to follow with my regarding my ex and their relationship with him.
It takes me a few days to process this type of news. For me, hearing these things that he does is like running into a large spider web. You cannot see the web but you can feel it on your skin. You walk around feeling like it’s still on you and paranoid that a spider is crawling on you. His words do the same thing when he calls me names.
LindseyAugust 5, 2019 at 11:47 am #306703
I am glad you had a relaxing weekend but wish your cousin didn’t tell you what she told you yesterday. It is best that no one tells you anything about your ex husband, no stories, nothing!
You need distance from him and stories about him are interrupting that distance that you need. I feel angry that she told you this story.
anitaAugust 5, 2019 at 12:13 pm #306719
Well, yeah. I don’t think it was done maliciously. She apologized this morning. I think she realized her error. I agree with you about distance. I feel…. disconnected. I keep wanting to send a text to K and stop myself. I just feel off.
LindseyAugust 5, 2019 at 12:27 pm #306725
“I just feel off”- there are days like this. I am having a somewhat off day myself, very tired, didn’t sleep well last night… Don’t make an off day a bad day by doing something impulsive and then feeling badly about it. An off day is better than a bad day!
anitaAugust 5, 2019 at 1:14 pm #306743
Yes, definitely no texting for today. Hope you have a better day and I will talk to you later. Get some better sleep tonight.
LindseyAugust 5, 2019 at 1:21 pm #306747
Thank you, Lindsey, I am going away from the computer and back tomorrow morning. I hope your day is a .. good off day.
anitaAugust 6, 2019 at 8:54 am #306835
I did ok yesterday. Went home and relaxed with no texting anyone. This back and forth with K is very emotionally draining. I saw him this morning and it’s like every time I see him I’m looking for some type of sign from him that like he’s still here, still interested. And right now it’s like he’s not even here. I spoke with him this morning and he barely made eye contact and it makes me feel bad about myself. I’m very conflicted, very confused, mostly hurt.
LindseyAugust 6, 2019 at 9:05 am #306839
Good thing you had a good off day yesterday, not having texted K and instead, relaxing at home.
Today, you recognize that “This back and forth with K is very emotionally draining”. You know that you feel “bad.. very conflicted, very confused, mostly hurt”-
Remember you felt these feelings many times before and survived them. You will survive them again today. Key is not to panic when feeling badly as if these feelings will kill you. They won’t. And then, in a state of self control, you can think best about what to do or not to do next. So to not make things worse, and maybe make things better.
anitaAugust 6, 2019 at 10:43 am #306863
So something funny happened and I texted both my good friend B and K. It’s been over an hour and K never responded. My friend B told me to stop, I’m coming off desperate. I’m crying at my desk right now because the harsh truth is he’s right. So I deleted K’s messages and I’m not going to text him again. I feel really awful because this is it; I cannot be a friend or anything to him anymore. It’s harmful to me. I feel really bad right now.
LindseyAugust 6, 2019 at 10:47 am #306865
I think that you did the right thing for yourself. Got to stop the ups and downs, so no contact with K is the right thing to do, no more texting him, nothing. Keep the contact with him strictly professional from now on, “hello”, “good morning” nothing more.
You feel really bad, I understand. Is there something you can do to feel a bit better, right now, a cup of.. tea maybe, a walk outside, anything like that?
anitaAugust 6, 2019 at 10:51 am #306869
Not really. I just don’t want him to think I’m desperate and it matters what K thinks of me right now. It’s like a big thing for me in general. I don’t really know why. Is there anything you can say to make me feel better lol? I’m off of work Thursday & Friday so I can’t leave but I may take a walk later.
LindseyAugust 6, 2019 at 11:04 am #306873
What can I say to make you feel better, let’s see… yes, there is something: what K is for you is a hope, a dream: to have for a love relationship that will sweep you off your feet, one that will be exciting at times, calming at other times, joy here and there, sharing, watching Netflix, having the man fall asleep on your lap, holding your hand, those good things.
Giving up on K doesn’t mean giving up on this dream. It only means giving up on him as the man in the dream. By ending contact with him, you are making yourself healthier so that it will be possible for you to meet a healthier man who is required in the making of your dream come true.
anitaAugust 6, 2019 at 11:14 am #306879
Thank you. This stuff is just really, really hard.
LindseyAugust 6, 2019 at 11:27 am #306883
You are welcome, Lindsey. I will be out for a while. Post again anytime.
anitaAugust 8, 2019 at 2:32 pm #307195
I’m off today packing and getting ready for tomorrow’s trip to Florida. Ready to see family and friends and miss my kids. We all go home together Monday.
K did end up responding later in the afternoon. I did sent an ok but nothing else and no more texting coming from me. I’m know there will be no future as more than a general friend and keeping it that way.