August 8, 2019 at 2:37 pm #307197
Your attitude regarding K reads reasonable, good thing. The Florida trip- four days including to and from flights, a busy 4 days trip I imagine. I hope to read about it when you return, maybe Tuesday of next week. Of course you can message me anytime you want. I hope you have a good trip, go to the beach there, I hope (never been to a beach in Florida, but know how it feel to get into the water in a hot and humid day- best place to be in)!
anitaAugust 13, 2019 at 11:51 am #307795
I’m not sure where to start. The trip went very well. I got to see family and my parents and I got along great. The kids had a blast. But yesterday on the flight home, Ella started looking at the pictures on her new I Pad my mom had gotten her. Well my ex used his I cloud account to set up her and my son’s I Pad’s. Well all his personal cell phone photos were on the kid’s I Pads and there were naked pictures of a woman on there that he is seeing.
I was and still am hurt by this even though we are separated and I don’t love him; it still hurt. I took photos of the naked pictures and have them on my phone. I told him to get rid of the photos so the kids don’t see them. I then found he had gone into my apartment and taken photos of pages of my journal I had a few months ago that my counselor has asked me to keep. There are a few pages of me describing my daily anxiety and struggles, it mentions K. So I deleted those photos and called him to get my key back. He has the key for the dog to let in and out during the day. He then turned things around on me saying my mom knew he was dating this girl (she claims no) and that he took those photos because he was worried about me when I first moved out as was my mother and everyone else in the family.
So then I got into an argument with my mother about boundaries. She thinks it is ok to hang out with him if he has the kids so she can see them. And again I told her no-my ex uses that against me to manipulate things. I do not know if she will do what I ask in the future but she said she would.
This is all very hard Anita. Really, really hard. I’ve spoken briefly with K. but just a hi how is it going. I’m embarrassed to say anything to him. I don’t know that I would. There is no way I can date anyone right now. I feel like hiding.
LindseyAugust 13, 2019 at 12:38 pm #307797
I thought about you earlier this morning, figuring you returned yesterday from the trip. Good thing it was a blast, what a shame your soon to be ex/ estranged husband took photos of your journal, a terrible breach of privacy. I was surprised to read that he had a key to your apartment, why in the world did he ever have a key to your apt- taking out the dog is not a good reason for him to have a key, some other arrangement should have been made. You wrote that you asked for the key back. Maybe you should change the lock (what if he returns the key to you after making a copy of it?)
Regarding your mother: be very specific with her about what you consider her crossing your boundaries and see to it that those specific things are respected.
And the naked woman photo- what can I say.
Do you best to focus on the good part of the trip. How was the weather there?
anitaAugust 13, 2019 at 12:49 pm #307799
Weather was good, not too hot but still pretty hot. We did have a really great visit until yesterday.
I am getting the locks changed, going to call my apartment manager. I gave him a key for emergencies, to let the dog out, and when he came over with the kids. Wrong decision on my part. I was very specific with my mother – do not hang out with ex with the kids- not appropriate. He will use that and manipulate.
I just feel like a mess. Phone mediation on Monday at noon. I need help. Please say something to make me feel better. What about what I said about K?
LindseyAugust 13, 2019 at 1:29 pm #307801
Regarding K- test/ tell him today (in your own words) that you want to share with him about your trip and what you found out yesterday (key/ journal reading/naked photo), hoping to feel better if you share it with him.
If he doesn’t respond to you, if he doesn’t give you the time, well… I want to know. Let me know.
anitaAugust 13, 2019 at 1:40 pm #307803
Ok. It’s been 2 weeks and he’s starting to talk more again. I sent him a message to text me later to tell him about it, waiting for reply on snapchat. Will keep you posted.
LindseyAugust 13, 2019 at 1:52 pm #307805
Did you tell him in the text that you need to talk to him about the recent trip and distress, hoping to feel better as a result?
anitaAugust 13, 2019 at 1:54 pm #307807
No I just told him that I need to tell him about something that happened yesterday and joked that it was pretty crazy. He opened the snapchat but never responded. I’m not sure that he’s going to text later. I just have a feeling.
LindseyAugust 13, 2019 at 2:20 pm #307809
I suggest you text him again and state to him something like this: I joked earlier, but I had a tough time yesterday right after returning from Florida, and I wanted to tell you about it, hoping it will make me feel better. I hope you call (or text, however you communicate) me later.
– I want to see if he cares enough to be there for you when you need emotional support. Let me know later if you chose to do the second texting and if he contacts you later this evening.
anitaAugust 13, 2019 at 2:22 pm #307811
Ok. He is snapchating a response now. I will reword my thoughts.
LindseyAugust 13, 2019 at 2:29 pm #307813
I don’t know. It said he was typing but nothing came through. So I sent another message saying I made it seem like it was funny but it wasn’t funny at all; it was pretty bad.
LindseyAugust 13, 2019 at 2:59 pm #307815
Something is up with the internet. I got a response to my first snap saying he would with a 20 minute delay. The 2nd snap saying “it was important” response from him is still pending receipt.
LindseyAugust 13, 2019 at 3:10 pm #307817
When technology fails us… Let me know later then what is happening.
(Will be back to the computer in a couple of hours for a moment and then back tomorrow morning).
anitaAugust 13, 2019 at 3:11 pm #307819
Ok. He is responding to all. Good sign. He just made a joke saying did I do something bad.
LindseyAugust 13, 2019 at 5:02 pm #307827
I hope you are having a calm evening, hope you rest well tonight. Looking forward to read from you in the morning.