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This topic contains 755 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 days, 14 hours ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 706 through 720 (of 757 total)
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  • #318423

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    I think it reads the truth.  I think he cares about himself.  I think that your rules were honestly a life saver for me.   I think yes this situation sucks and at times I get upset off and on but it will get better over time.  1. he’s about to leave for the day which will make my life better. 2. this could have ended up WAY worse.  3. I deserve way better. 4. if he treats me like this then he treats others the same; I’m not special in that sense.

    thank you for listening to me.

    Lindsey

    #318427

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    You read like the sensible woman that you are, most sensible. I am impressed with 1-4, well said, can’t say it better myself.

    anita

    #318597

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yesterday was a rough day with anxiety and it continued all evening until the morning (about the stress of work) but I looked in the mirror this morning and told myself to make it work no matter what.  I’ve been struggling in the new area mostly because we talk with angry customers all day and it’s really taxing and hard.

    Today has been well….my ex called me this am and said someone had broken into the car….then it was they stole the car from the airport.  So apparently he left the car unlocked with the keys in it.  My mom is coming on Sunday and I guess he was leaving it for her to drive.  So I had to file the police report because it had to be done in person and he is out of state for work.  The police think they will find the vehicle.

    So yeah.  Today I feel like I’m managing my anxiety better.  K said something earlier and I spoke with him but I do not like him as a person anymore.  I just don’t really want to have anything to do with him besides talking at work.  The feelings are still there and I’m hoping they will just go away over time.  I just think he is toxic for  me.

    Lindsey

    #318609

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I admire your determination: “I looked in the mirror this morning and told myself to make it work no matter what” – excellent!

    I understand that talking to angry customers is taxing and hard. Anger is difficult to take, other people’s anger directed at us, or at anyone, really.

    If your mother will not be using your ex’s car, what car will she be using? (I hope this doesn’t mean that you will be driving her).

    I am glad you have been managing your anxiety better today. And notice- you are managing better without K’s help (which is non-existent)!!

    anita

    #318979

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Hope you had a good weekend.  Took the kids to their school for a trick or treating event on Saturday.  Lots of fun putting makeup on my daughter and taking photos and getting candy.  We ran errands  and just had a peaceful weekend until my mom came around 7pm last night.  We met her for dinner and I dropped off the kids.  We are getting along pretty good.  I basically am trying to work through my anger because it does more harm than good either way.  She has her struggles too.

    Trying to start Monday off on a good foot at work.  It’s very busy.

    Lindsey

    #318981

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Leave your mother to deal with her struggles and focus on your own struggles and your own life. Limit your interactions with her, take care of yourself and your children and distant yourself from your mother.

    Glad you had a good weekend, pay attention to your work, to your level of  distress, and keep  it manageable.

    anita

    #319015

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you for that.  I need to remember to keep my distance or I will be repeating the same patterns of behavior that end up effecting my mental health and my mood.   It’s so easy to fall back into past habits.

    I’m doing ok so far.  Hope you are doing good to.

    Lindsey

    #319017

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    You are welcome. Do keep your distance then- it is the right thing for you to do, for your mental health- it works for you and for your children.  Good to read you’re doing ok so far. I am about to go outside, in the rain, for a 3.5 mile walk. Crazy? I ask. Perhaps, I answer. I will be back after the walk (and after bringing wood in so to prepare for the next fire in the woodstove.

    anita

    #319307

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    So how did you walk turn out?  Crazy? Perhaps not.  Walking in the rain can be peaceful depending I guess on the temperature.  Continuing to keep my distance, my mom leaves tomorrow morning.   I am glad that I was able to come to terms in peace with her finally.  My mental health continues to be good.

    Here is my thought.  If I’m putting on my honest hat and finally listening to my inner voice, K is not good as a friend and I want to create distance.  I’ve reached the critical point.  I am working on not responding the next time he either snapchats my phone or sends me a work message.   Cross you fingers for me.  It sounds horrible to say he is a bad person so I will say he is a bad friend.

    Lindsey

    #319309

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    My walk in the rain was excellent- I was dressed right, didn’t get wet. It was refreshing!

    Good to read that your mother is leaving tomorrow morning! And that your “mental health continues to be good”!!!

    I am definitely crossing my fingers for you. Saying K is a bad friend is accurate. Keep the rules.

    anita

    #319533

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Ok, so yeah it didn’t work not responding back to him.  However, I did bring request a boundary.  I asked him if we are having a conversation or if I ask a question, instead of not responding because of whatever reason, to please send a response instead of ignoring and he said ok.

    So maybe I can use him as practice for boundaries?

    Anyway, my mental health is at the top right now.  Which always happens after a big slump but at least I feel good even though it will not last.  Hope you are well.

    Lindsey

    #319535

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    “it didn’t work not responding back to him”- the rule is to respond to him once when he initiates a text/ contact with you. But if he doesn’t respond to your response text, then don’t text him a second time. This is the Rule.

    “I asked him if we are having a conversation or if I ask a question.. to please send a response instead of ignoring and he said okay“- test him: next time he texts you, respond and include a Question to him, see if he responds. If he does, respond back to him. If he doesn’t respond to that text, don’t text again (that’s the Rule).

    Or you can make a one time exception to the Rule so to test him sooner by texting him a question, maybe even today.

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 2 days ago by  anita.
    #319539

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yes, I am following the rule almost 100% ( the only time I initiated a text was Tuesday night b/c my ex’s car had been stolen and then found).  I was thinking of just stopping the talking all together even if he texts because of him on occasion ignoring questions during a conversation.  So instead I set that boundary with him asking him to answer questions instead of not responding.  It’s already been test today and yesterday with continued questions.  But the real test will come later.

    Lindsey

    #319541

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    You are doing well with the first rule (I forgot the second, what was it??) I think you did well with asserting yourself with him regarding him responding to you when you text him a question, but don’t OVER-test him by sending him question after question, that is not a good idea. How many times did you test him already?

    anita

    #319557

    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    The second rule was don’t leaving me hanging in a conversation if I make a comment or ask a question and he just doesn’t respond.

    He really hasn’t passed any tests if I think about it.  He stayed with the conversation yesterday even though I’m sure it wasn’t his favorite conversation.   The real test will come in the future.  I haven’t really talked to him much today just some random remarks about work/life.

    Lindsey

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