Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Passing clouds
- This topic has 186 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 12 hours, 31 minutes ago by anita.
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September 23, 2024 at 12:36 pm #438306ZenithParticipant
My husband and I are pretty friendly with her. She says she is bored at home and feels alone at home. She always want somebody to play with. I take her to parks or plan something during during the weekend. I am pretty busy during the week. My husband picks her up and helps with homework. Its just she keeps bugging or she doesnt listen to me when I say nicely for 3 or 4 times. Sometimes its hard for me to regulate my anger and I yell at her. I know I have to change this habit. Sometimes I get frustrated with her behavior.
September 23, 2024 at 12:37 pm #438307ZenithParticipantShe want to buys a to toy or key chain every week. My husband spoils her with all the toys.
September 23, 2024 at 12:58 pm #438308anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
“Sometimes its hard for me to regulate my anger and I yell at her. I know I have to change this habit. Sometimes I get frustrated with her behavior“- yes, regulate your anger. Easy to say, difficult to do, I know, but a worthy goal nonetheless, it really is! Your daughter can learn emotion regulation by watching you model it/ practice it successfully.
“She wants.. a to toy or key chain every week. My husband spoils her with all the toys.“- if she gets a toy every time she wants it, she doesn’t get a chance to regulate the emotions that take place when a child does not get what she wants when she wants it..
anita
September 23, 2024 at 1:02 pm #438311ZenithParticipantYeah I know. Thats what I tell my husband. Dont spoil her. I feel like such a bad mom. I dont know i give her all the cuddles. I say I love you to her everyday. I get triggered when she doesnt listen to me. Should I take her to a therapist or should I go to therapy ?
September 23, 2024 at 1:02 pm #438312anitaParticipantAdding:
“My husband and I are pretty friendly with her. She says she is bored at home and feels alone“- and she doesn’t yet know (being so young, she needs to be shown/ taught) how to regulate the emotions of boredom and loneliness.
anita
September 23, 2024 at 2:50 pm #438315ZenithParticipantThats what I keep telling my husband. She should learn how to spend her alone time. She cannot go the neighbors house everyday or every weekend. I dont know why my husband gives in so easily. He has the typical indian mentality when it comes to parenting. May be because she is an only child. He keeps telling me that kids get bored and they need/want kids to play all the time. we take her to library and she talks to kids over there. We had a great time on Friday as a family. We went to out to ice cream, then chuck-e cheese, then had pizza. But after all that she wasnt happy. No matter how much we do nothing is good enough for her. My husband prepares her lunch everyday. He cooks what she likes. She hasn’t been eating lunch for the past one year. She is wasting food since one year that triggers me a lot. She skips eating that food is spicy or its not spicy. I dont know how I deal with her at this point. I feel so lost. She throws a fit because she doesnt like spicy food. I add hell lot of butter to her food. I taste it before giving it to her and its not all spicy. She says she has very less spice tolerance. If she wants a toy she will keep us nagging for half day. She doesnt want to brush her hair every day because its tangled. Every task we do is mundane for us. I dont know what’s going on her little brain. She is cute though and fun to be with. I love her a alot.
September 23, 2024 at 6:12 pm #438327anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
“She is cute though and fun to be with. I love her a lot.”- I am sure that she is cute, absolutely. And I am sure that you and your husband love her a lot. Tell her and show her that you love her, not by trying to please her at all times, but by enforcing rules that she must obey. She needs rules, it will probably give her the structure and trust in her parents (for being strong & reliable in regard to setting rules and seeing that she follows them). This will calm her.
“We had a great time on Friday as a family. We went to out to ice cream, then chuck-e cheese, then had pizza. But after all that she wasn’t happy“- I think that much more than needing ice-cream and pizza, she needs two strong parents who work together setting rules and seeing to it that she follows them: this will make her happy.
anita
September 24, 2024 at 8:45 am #438340ZenithParticipantMy husband tells me that setting rules will push away from us. She will become more rebellious.
September 24, 2024 at 9:02 am #438341anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
He is teaching her to dominate people/ relationships with aggressive behavior. He lets her dominate.. her father.
anita
September 24, 2024 at 9:42 am #438342ZenithParticipantThat makes sense. My little one sometimes blames me that I put too many rules and I feel guilty about it. I have set a rule since last year saying that she will not get screen time if she doesnt eat food. Its only during the weekdays. Sometimes she doesnt care about the consequences. Last week she did the same.
September 24, 2024 at 9:53 am #438343anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
If she doesn’t care about a consequence you chose for her, choose a different consequence, one that she will care about!
anita
October 8, 2024 at 11:04 am #438603ZenithParticipantHey Anita! How are you doing ?My friend texted me asking why I stopped talking to her. Last time when I asked her to set up a play date with her daughter. She said she wants to take her kid to the park with other group of friends. Since then I stopped talking to her altogether. I told her she is not putting in the efforts to meet us. Every time when we go out , we are inviting them but they are not joining us. She told me that the other group preplans everything as they keep meeting very often and we always call them in last minute. I have accepted the fact we call last minute sometimes but she doesnt even put in the effort. Before going to India I invited her for lunch the day before she said no. Then we set up play date with her daughter she showed up so late. I always feel like we are inviting them. I told her to stop expecting from me when you dont put the efforts. Then she got defensive and told me even I said no to her. Yes, I said no to her couple of times once I got periods and the other day my daughter was injured. Atleast I am not busy visiting other friends. I understand when says no to me everybody is busy with thier life. What pisses me off is the very next day she meets her other group of friends. One day she texted me asking me to send my daughter to her house as her other group of friends visited her unexpectedly. I feel like her priorities have changed. I have accepted the fact and moved on. But still she expects me to text her.
October 8, 2024 at 11:13 am #438604ZenithParticipantI still miss her badly. On top of that my little on keeps asking about my neighbors daughter. I hate this never ending saga. I have been thinking about friend since August.
October 8, 2024 at 2:12 pm #438610anitaParticipantDear Zenith:
I feel good to read from you! “I hate this never ending saga“- I understand. I wish this saga will be one of the Passing clouds you referred to in the title of your thread.
“My friend texted me asking why I stopped talking to her… I told her she is not putting in the efforts to meet us… She told me that the other group preplans everything as they keep meeting very often and we always call them in last minute… and told me even I said no to her“- hmm, she made two good points. What if you preplan too..?
I know that this pain of being excluded or not being included is deep within you, and it’s a real pain that has its valid reasons in your childhood/ growing up. It makes you very sensitive to current situations, aka this (should be ended, I hope) painful saga.
I don’t want you to suffer like you do, Zenith. I wish you wouldn’t suffer at all.
anita
October 11, 2024 at 9:16 pm #438685ZenithParticipantLOL..I planned something for Saturday and I texted her on Thursday night. I still didn’t get reply from her. I know she saw my message but still ignoring me. Anyways my husband asked her husband on the same day, he said they have some other plan. Its pretty clear they are busy with this group. When I told my friend the same thing she got defensive. I told her she is not putting in the efforts like the way she used to and told her to stop expecting texts from me, Its all about priorities. I just want to end this friendship but I keep giving her chances as I do not want to leave her. On top of that my daughter asks for her daughter. Today my husband went to her house and took along my daughter as little one wanted to play with her desperately There is no end to my suffering because of my daughter. My husband is worried about my daughters feelings instead of mine. I told my husband she is ignoring me and not replying to my message.
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