July 1, 2018 at 2:41 pm #214981
I hope you are well too. Funny how we wait for summer all winter (at least here in the northeast) and sometimes when it IS here you hardly realize! Weather is an interesting concept, it is something that can be so enjoyable – but also can create anxiety. It is finally nice out, I “should” be doing this. I “should” make certain plans. I “should” not waste it..
“waste” – I shouldn’t “waste” this day. I shouldn’t “waste” this time. I shouldn’t “waste” this energy…talent..etc.
What a harsh concept when actually put to paper. Yet, so often I have felt like this.. I have felt pulled to do something instead of resting so that I would not “waste” the day. But moreover, I have felt time and again that if I didn’t do certain things to my full potential I would be “wasting” talent.
Over the last few months however, I have gotten better about self judgement. Given that this (as you pointed out) blog between you and I is titled “Self Trust” – it usually does come back to this concept in almost every form. Even when it came to whether I should stop talking to my parents…the concept of self trust showed itself. This has been especially important in the last few months after ending contact with them, and when I went into my “cocoon phase” trusting that it was what I needed.
Now I am here, this summer, and as I have told you – it has been a whirlwind. We went from the idea of relocating to the other side of the country, to realizing staying close by was key. In the midst of this I realized over the last few weeks, that an endeavor outside of traditional medicine was calling my name. I have felt like this many times, almost monthly, however, this time it stuck. I feel compelled to do something wellness related, to help the mind and body. To help empower women, to help guide women achieve self awareness. To help individuals live their best life, and find their best version of themselves, so they too may be able to self trust one day.
Great concepts – but how to actually put them into a professional, and even business model – well that is what I will have to take time and space to do. Interestingly the concept of waste was always there before. “I should do this, I am made to do it, if I don’t I will waste this talent and ambition of mine.” Sure in a way – but what a forceful and aggressive way to think.
I am attempting (key word) now to look at it with more gentleness. I do find however, that sometimes I avoid the real work it involves such as making a business plan, truly thinking about the nitty gritty. I think a part of this is because I find myself thinking “well so many people do this stuff, is it even worth it.” or “even though I am authentic and would love to help people in this way, so many others are already so successful, whether they are authentic or not – so that is discouraging.”
I am sure many people feel this way. I have many things to offer, and I will spend some time organizing them before “launching” this idea in my mind. I have noticed that ambitious thoughts and ideas and passions without organization can be overwhelming. So I do need to pace myself.
But the most important thing – I need to allow myself time and space. I know I haven’t exactly explained what i want to do with this new endeavor of mine – and i will wait until I organize myself a little more to do so. But first, it has to come from a good place. A place of love and self support, versus Pushiness.. In today’s world, especially with social media and the entrepreneurship nature of many people – it can be daunting. “why all of them but not me.” “why did they get this chance” “what makes them so special.” And sure often this can be true.
But for me personally – I need to never get too far from my self journey, this journey I am on, just like you. Because that is what life is about. Nothing else in life matters as much as being on this journey. No outside people, things, successes, or progress. Self progress, self love, self trust is it..
If my endeavors align with that – then great. But if I find that they slowly take me away from this journey or complicate it, then I do have to evaluate.
Protect thy journey, protect thy self.July 1, 2018 at 3:19 pm #214997
I will post again today, as this is something I mean to write about over last week – but never got the chance.
I wanted to reflect on my journey thus far. Because well – if I don’t who will? Progress is never truly apparent unless we look back and see the difference. Thus, I owe myself this, because I want to. So here is my reflection.
July 2, 2018 at 4:53 am #215081
- I have done a better job about focusing on myself, and small family of my husband, myself, and wonderful dog. I notice that I never focused on what I HAD before, and of course more of what was lacking or missing. This is of course related to the Disney world, TDW example. Almost everything is. I find it is so incredible how injurious that can be. For example I am sitting outside right now on this lazy summer day. And I can say to myself ” wow what a day to have alone time” and smile. Or say the same thing and frown. Whether having alone time is positive or negative is deeply based on my wiring. I am slowly starting to re-wire to enjoy time that is not always about other people. It is a tough balance to be social, but also remain inward focus – it will be an ongoing journey
- my husband
- I have done a much better job over the last few months, in making him a priority. By this i mean mentally. It wasn’t that i was running off and doing things without him, it was that I did not put him first in my brain – as he did me. This was entirely related to the space that my mother occupied in my brain. I can not say that as soon as I stopped talking to her, this space magically opened up and was available for others. No, as you have pointed out, that was just the beginning of the hard work. Because of my deep wiring to worry and look outward (as above) it doesn’t matter if my mother is in my life or not – because the wiring is there. Yet, I have done a better job of protecting my energy for my husband. Not always projecting my anxiety onto him, and most importantly thinking first –which brings me to my next
- thinking before speaking/doing
- I have always had issues with this. This issue has not disappeared, I am just more aware. I realize I often talk to fill in blanks and voids, out of anxiety. Since my brain is continuously firing, I sometimes exhibit this outward ” firing.” If my brain is more relaxed and less frenzied, so is my speech.. Makes sense…I noticed this past weekend, that I don’t always have to add a comment to a conversation. Especially when it does not include me. I tried this out yesterday, and found an interaction with a certain individual was much easier because it was more my listening and her talking. Often this can be the case, especially when you are in a conversation you may not want to be in fully. On the other hand, when speaking with people you do love, thinking before speaking can be instrumental in being a good listener. I notice that I often struggle with this as I am overwhelmed with the need to “help” and “give” and talk – but sometimes the other person only needs a good listen.
- I find this important with both loved ones, and acquaintances, and strangers. Often if I feel tired or drained from a conversation with an individual, I can look back and think about HOW much I offered to it. Many times not needed. Going back to this individual yesterday, I was speaking to a woman who was quite boastful and delusional. I noticed that once I just started listening, and not adding it was easier. I didn’t need to comment on what she was saying. I didn’t need to defend what i was saying. I didn’t need to do much of anything at all.
- Prior I may have thought In order to be appropriately “in” a conversation I need to add as well. This is not always thee case, and I can pick and choose when I want to. The choice of who I add more with, and who I simply listen more with – is simply with me. Not adding can be so relaxing at times! I hope to continue more practice in this.
- Absorbing the energy of others
- I have touched on this before, I consider myself a sponge for the energy of those around me. This has been effective in my ability to be relatable to many people throughout my life, and extremely intuitive and compassionate. However, over the last year or so – it has led to much distress. Over the last few months, I “notice” the energy of others around me. I can not say this deters me from absorbing it, as that is a process that happens without me realizing. Yet, I do notice. We are around so many people in life, and what they’re putting out into the world is about them – not about you. If it is anxiety, insecurity, uneasiness, it is their inner struggle being exhibited. I don’t have to carry their baggage for them. It is not helpful for them, or for myself. Given that I carried my mother’s baggage around her my whole life (without realizing it was baggage – thinking that was just what daughters do) – It is innate for me to do so. To quell the uneasiness in others, to try to “take on” some of it for them, without even knowing it. It takes self trust to say (to yourself) I am sorry you aren’t feeling so great, but I am just fine. I am sorry this individual in front of me is exerting energy that is not positive, I hope they find their way – but it is not my job, it is not up to me. I can protect my energy. I must protect my energy.
Dear Cali Chica:
I suppose we can waste our days worrying about wasting our days. The societal message of living to one’s full potential, making the best our of every minute of the day is not a great message, it does pressure people, it is a “forceful and aggressive way to think”. In nature, animals don’t live that way, they are present in the moment, living the exact life that is available to them.
Your idea of wellness related business reads wonderful and I do agree with you, that a gentle attitude and pacing yourself is a good way to go about it, and to focus on your journey first and foremost, “Protect thy journey, protect thy self” (beautifully stated).
Regarding trust (Self Trust), I trust you to have what it takes to make a success of your business idea. I think you are amazing, as I wrote to you before, repeatedly.
I read your second, most recent post attentively and copied parts of it for myself, for keeps. Excellent thinking, excellent insight, so well articulated, thank you for sharing it here. It is to my advantage to read it.
I will soon be away from the computer for a couple of days, be back July 4.
anitaJuly 2, 2018 at 5:02 pm #215199
I am glad you will be away from the computer for the next few days, I hope you take the time to relax, enjoy the weather, and have fun. What a treat it is to unplug. An active, deliberate, and ever so enjoyable treat.
I spoke with a mentor today, that I connected with randomly – fate! We spoke for over an hour about the importance of boundaries in both work and personal life. I don’t know too many details about her life of recent,and vice versa, but it appears based on general conversation that we both have had a great degree of soul searching over the last year or so, and have thus CHOSEN to lead, now, deliberate lives full of active positive choices. How many keywords in that sentence, how many of those get thrown around these days, in books, articles, social media – without a blink of an eye. Deliberate, positive, active choices, intention, live with purpose, and the list goes on. These sorts of terms used to wash over me. And many times they still do – if they are heard in mass communication, or from a source that does not seem authentic. Just rambling. However, when I speak of it of my own self, or of loved ones, and it comes from a place I trust – ME – I do absorb it. Therefore, if I live it, and then I speak it – I trust it – more than I would if it came from someone else. This is self trust – or at least the beginning of it.
Self trust in the sense that I can remind myself of these above terms, as they are actively finding a place in my life, in my day to day. I practice what I preach, and so what I say to my own-self is trustworthy. This may not be common in today’s world -and that’s a shame for those individuals. However, over there, in my own world, I speak truth.
Sometimes, so much so that it leads to anxiety and even paranoia. Anxiety may seem to one’s self as honesty. An honest look at yourself and saying, well you may not know the whole picture..sure. Well maybe it won’t work out and you’ll be disappointed…sure. Well maybe you don’t have what it takes…sure. Maybe if you try you’ll fail…sure. These are all sures, maybes, perhaps. These are not gospel. They are what ifs. They are anxiety.
If self trust is to prevail, anxiety must be conquered. Or at least begin to be looked at as something that is a hindrance. Not the gospel, purely a hindrance. A fallacy, a hurdle.
Self trust means going right to go home because intuitively you need the alone time. Anxiety says, well if you skip out on this event you may regret it. Where to go – you’re at the crossroads..
Self trust is right. Why? Because that is gospel. It is the trust. It is self protection. The self knows what the self needs, if you let it. If you trust it.
Now if every time you go with self trust, and don’t find success, and this and that – is it to be blamed. No. Never.
Because first of all, what if you went with anxiety, to the left – do you truly think that you in that case would have instead found this “success” – I believe not. In fact your road would have been a great degree more tumultuous and unpleasant.
If you go to the right, with the direction of self trust, you will always be true to yourself. And if you are true to yourself, you are truly living, and what could be a greater purpose in life, than to truly live.July 4, 2018 at 7:44 am #215377
Dear Cali Chica:
It was nice to be away in the woods, away from any and all civilization.
Another amazing post by you where I know without a doubt that you are on the path. I am glad you know the difference between words people say, words “heard in mass communication… Just rambling” and words that you speak coming from a place you trust (“a place I trust- ME”), words that you live (“I live it, and then I speak it- I trust it”
I used to worry more so than still, as I learned something know on this path, that it will undo the previous something-new that I learned, that I was wrong while-on-the-path.
What I found out (and I remind this to myself when I need to be reminded) is that what I learn today does not invalidate what I learned on-the-path yesterday. I learned, from repeated experience, that every time I learn something new it is seeing more of what I saw yesterday.
It is not seeing something in place of what I saw yesterday, invalidating it, but it is seeing more. There is always more. This is the nature of the path. Better not, if you trust what I just wrote, better not spend time doubting yesterday’s learning, but keep on learning. There is too much to learn, no time to go backward.
anitaJuly 4, 2018 at 1:23 pm #215439
Happy 4th of July.
I processed what you wrote earlier: “I learned, from repeated experience, that every time I learn something new it is seeing more of what I saw yesterday.”
–from this I gather that it is an additive experience, this path. Not unlike our medical training. If we see something totally off the grid, we learn this new method, it does not do away with our primary method we learned, it simply adds more, expands the scope. Thus, we are more versatile, learned, and able.
“It is not seeing something in place of what I saw yesterday, invalidating it, but it is seeing more.”
–I used to think this way. Before I truly grasped all that I was dealing with. (during the preliminary times I posted and was unable to see the reality which is my mother, and all of its consequences) I used to spend a great deal of time and effort judging what I learned. A lot of “oh I think this now instead” or “now this is the right way.” What I have learned now is that this is all ever evolving. We see clearer as we live further.. What is clear now was not before, not due to blindness or apathy – but due to the fact that perhaps time and experience had to occur in order to allow for more clarity. There is no judgement in what we “used to know” for we know more and more now, and will continue to. We may learn and feel things that are entirely different than what we used to think. Allow it. Embrace it.
Something interesting just happened to me. I am working on developing a website and spent a majority of today reading, browsing, getting a lay of the land (internet land that is). At times I felt great and empowered – woo! At other times I felt overwhelmed and discouraged – wow how many versions of what I want to do are out there already – gosh! All in all, I am pretty mentally drained, but glad to have put some efforts into the above today.
I was on one website builder, and went through the images, and searched “happy” to see if their images embodied the “spirit” I was looking for on my homepage. Well up popped these images of women, men, and kids, laughing, smiling, eating ice cream, and all. I looked at one of them and thought – wow that looks like me, the smile and all….Then I thought – wait….I searched “happy” – this picture popped up – it resembles me – therefore…am I “happy.”
Wow – I guess I am. Interesting, when it can be seen simply as a search term and subsequent smiling picture can embody “happy.” So if thats the case, I am happy, aren’t I… and why not – why shouldn’t I be!July 5, 2018 at 7:40 am #215531
Dear Cali Chica:
I read all of your post as I do every time you post. My comment to you today is of a practical nature. Although my technical skills are very minimal, I have something to suggest/ question to ask regarding: “At other times I felt overwhelmed and discouraged- wow how many versions of what I want to do are out there already”-
-the people who will be seeing your website, most of them, are they not going to be unaware of the many other similar websites, like you were unaware before this “wow”?
anitaJuly 5, 2018 at 8:15 am #215541
<p>Dear Anita,</p><p>Thank you for your response. In today’s world I find that people are sometimes very aware of “others” and sometimes not. It all depends on the person. But after a great degree of self reflection, I realized what drives me. </p><p>What will drive my wellness company is my authenticity. There may be others, hundreds of others, but what I am promoting is what I embody in my own life, mind body wellness, achieved through self learning. </p><p>Thus, if I start worrying about others, like in any business (restaurants, services, etc) you will never begin. Have the confidence that you are great for what you are promoting, and see where it goes. </p><p>I hope to take this approach.</p><p>In regards to this website, I did know of many many other, and still come across them in my reading. However, what set this apart was the authenticity of Lori the creator. And what keeps me plugged in, is of course YOU! What a perfect example, honesty, authenticity and great connection is what its about. It works for me, and makes me happy – and hope I can provide the same for others one day!</p>July 5, 2018 at 8:26 am #215547
Dear Cali Chica:
“what I am promoting is what I embody in my own life, mind body wellness, achieved through self learning”-
Oh, then no worries, there is no other website like the website you are creating, it will be one of a kind, no doubt in my mind.
Thanks for the not about me.
anitaJuly 5, 2018 at 8:31 am #215549
<p>Dear Anita,</p><p>Thank you for the support. And it is true, to me it does not what other websites are out there like tiny Buddha, because on this one I “met” you, and that has been such a wonderful addition to my life. Something I am deeply grateful for. It enlightens my life.</p><p>How have you been?</p>July 5, 2018 at 8:45 am #215555
Dear Cali Chica:
You are welcome. I am fine, thank you. I keep learning, as there is more and more to see.
I enjoyed my camping trip, first camping trip where one hikes with a back pack to a car-inaccessible location to put up a tent and pick wild berries and the like, place that bear bag up a tree so to avoid the intrusion (big footprints located). Glad I made it back safely, steep and slippery areas.
anitaJuly 5, 2018 at 8:49 am #215557
<p>Dear Anita,</p><p>I am glad you made it back safely too – – wow how brave of you! I am sure it was incredible to be that immersed in real nature, daunting and incredible at the same time. I have not ever had such a camping trip, but throughout my travels have been immersed in nature. I recall feeling in those moments, that wow, despite all that goes on in our heads – the world goes round. Nature continues the cycle of life, things thrive, things die. The world keeps moving forward. We can too.</p>July 5, 2018 at 9:41 am #215571
Dear Cali Chica:
Technology does not undo the fact that we are very much animals, part of nature. Technology advances the speed of light but not our walk on the path, that has its own pace. Lots to learn from observing other living things.
anitaJuly 8, 2018 at 1:05 pm #215909
<div>Happy Sunday! I’ve had a very restorative weekend. This is not because of the actions I chose to do but more because of my mental state. Like anything else in life wherever you go there you are, my mind was in a good place this weekend despite my external activities.</div>
<I find that throughout my life I tend to be someone who “only Lawrence when I hit rock bottom.” Now I don’t mean to make this dramatic as in I have to become an alcoholic to cut back on my alcohol intake. Or I have to hit such low lows in order to even learn something. No I don’t mean it to that extreme. But what I do mean is that I often have to learn after time and time again when my body shows me something is not working for me. This is not uncommon in many peoples dating experiences, I look really didn’t have too many negative experiences like this. But I do have this characteristic when it comes to certain things in life.</div>
<div>When I decided that I want to embark on this journey of starting this business, I took at full force, I became obsessive. In order to do well in today’s world especially in the industry I’m in, social media plays a huge role. I have not been on social media for months, perhaps almost a year. It was nice, I didn’t miss it, it was nice to not have to add a distraction or overstimulation. Getting back into it over two weeks ago, there were some good, it was fun to see certain people and share with them. But it quickly took a turn for what I remember most – toxic. Social media can be very toxic when an individual finds them so spending more time on it versus “real life. It can also be very toxic if an individual find some self comparing themselves to others who are showing their “best life.” As educated and wise as I may think I am, it is easy to get bogged down into all that. Human nature. I started seeing like there were many different female doctors that were embodying and promoting something like myself, well what makes them successful? Don’t I have what it takes? Don’t I have a more authentic approach? But yet will they succeed and continue to, and I don’t? No this wasn’t directed towards anyone individual, it was the concept, there is so much out there, some of it of value and quality and some of it not, however in that world how do you set yourself apart? How do you connect to others? How do you make your mark?</div>
<div>At a certain point it may make you feel like OK there’s no point I give up, it is much better to live a peaceful life and what you don’t have to get involved in these things. Sure, but I know myself. I know I will want to try and put myself out there and the sons and I will not settle until I do. So what is the answer? Balance.</div>
<div>Balance and boundaries. Not many things are all good and or bad, but without balance and boundaries they can be. A simple exaMple of cheesecake. To have a few bites of cheesecake is a wonderful pleasure. Even to have a desert once in a while is great too. But when a person does not have balance and boundaries and does not have self-control that is one cheesecake can be detrimental. It is easy in this Centenario to type casted as a negative thing. But what is for the negative is more of the lack of self-control on the individuals part not the object itself.</div>
<div>Over the last week I found myself having no self control over thinking about these business ideas. I was not spending my time productively it was not that I was sitting up hours on and making my business plan, no in fact I was obsessing and obsessing and comparing and wondering and worrying. This leads to no fruitful results for the mind or tangible reality. It is an endless vicious circle of negativity. It was so bad that by Friday evening I had a terrible migraine, I could hardly get out of bed.</div>
<div>I didn’t look at this is just a random headache however, I saw this as a sign. I had made myself sick. I get these terrible headaches about if you times a year, often when I have severe stress. I created severe stress over the course of the week by ruminating, obsessing, and spending countless hours contracting my head into various forms so to speak. All to leave myself to what? A terrible migraine.</div>
<div>No, nothing in life is worth feeling that way. Whether you are a multi billionaire, an amazing actress, a philanthropist, or an Olympic athlete, if your quality of life is to constantly feel that terrible, nothing is worth it. And I saw this. I am a sensitive person and I have the ability to make myself sick so to speak, so I should look at this as an example. If I want to pursue a new goal I must do so in a healthy and pragmatic way. If I abscess and ruminate and create negativity, I will only bring myself down to the-place that I wanted to heal from, a place that is only full of stress and emotional distress.</div>
<div>If others cause this amount of stress and emotional distress we may choose not to spend time with them. But if this is self-inflicted, the only thing to do is place boundaries on your’s own self, you cannot choose not to spend time with your own self!</div>
<div>Thus, after the weekend came around I let myself breathe. I said to myself life is good, give myself the ability to enjoy, relax, enjoy the sun. No one becomes anything overnight by obsessing and ruminating I’m not going to create something that I believe in and love. It will not come out of this negative emotion and this nervous energy. It will take time. Have faith.</div>
<div>Anything good I have created in my life has come from a place of positivity and happiness. I can name countless things. Moreover, this endeavor of mine is a choice, it is a hobby, it is a side, if it takes off then great, but at the end of the day it is not my end all be all. It is not my soul purpose, it is not my sole source of financial stability, it is not my sole source of career trajectory.</div>
<div>We must remind ourselves that when we choose we may waiver, if they come with challenges but always remember it is a choice. It is not forced. With that let it come from a place that is healthy. Maintain the journey maintain happiness maintain equanimity.</div>
<div>To grow at the risk of your own sanity and health is not growth at all. It is toxicity. May I always find equanimity. May I always find myself back home.</div>
July 9, 2018 at 8:42 am #215987
- This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by Cali Chica.
Dear Cai Chica:
Beautifully said: “To grow at the risk of your own sanity and health is not growth at all.
May I always find myself back home”
It is about calmly choosing, not being compelled; about equanimity, not force. Every moment, every day. What makes other female doctors successful at the business you are researching- not necessarily being good at the business itself, that is, being good at helping others, but instead- being perceived as being able to help others, triggering a feeling in the would-be clients. This is why big businesses invest so much in PR, isn’t it.. all about public perception.
But this is not the way in this journey. This journey, this path is about extreme honesty, uncompromising authenticity, the real-thing.