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  • #276447
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    A good plan. But remember this one thing: fear. It is not  going anywhere. I don’t want fear to confuse you either. Everyone is afraid, including that bossy woman at work. Everyone is afraid. I am this very day. Adhere to the goal and accept fear as the human companion that it is, manage it best you can, regulate it, calm it when you notice it.

    anita

    #276449
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Why are you fearful today? Or do you mean in general you are fearful.

    Because we all are.

    Accept fear as the human companion it is. 

    I haven’t been accepting this.  I have been fighting it.  That day after yoga, I had fear, and I fought it and emitted fire out.  I said go away stupid fear, I hate you, I am angry, ROAR to anyone in sight. ROAR (my husband was in sight)

    #276459
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    I mean we all are afraid, yes, it is the human condition. Think of this one thing: when young and healthy we know we will die. When and how, we don’t know. And then we are also aware, when healthy, that we can get into an accident any day and become disabled, and in pain-

    other animals don’t have this “privilege”-

    But humans have reminders of this all the time, you, in hospitals, in the subway, all of us as we pass by a graveyard or hear a commercial about a deadly disease.

    That bossy woman at work, the richest person in the world, billions of dollars to his or her name, every one person knows, as they lie in bed at the end of the day, that they may not wake up the next day.

    How can anyone possibly not be afraid?

    Success in life has to include handling this fear. It is a highly personal matter, how to do that, but it needs to be done.

    What I found out though, is that each one of us continues to experience primarily the same fear experienced as a child. What you were afraid of then, you keep fearing now. It is that fear that “catches fire” and infects more and more neuropathways.

    Before the anger that day when you returned from yoga, there was fear (“That day after yoga, I had fear”), so fear has to be attended to.

    anita

    #276567
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I thought about this fear, that we all have it, and of course we do – why wouldn’t we.  From being worried about getting pushed on the subway, worried about being late for work, worried about our health, worried about our loved ones, worried about dying – worry – fear.  I am not the only one.  You are not the only one.  It is the human condition.

    I thought about the difference between small steps and leaps and bounds.

    When I first spoke to you, I did not have a direction, well in fact, I did not know you – you were kind enough to reply, and then continuously, and here we are.  Since then, there have been advancements, goals, and large changes.

    Sometimes with large changes we continue to think BIG, life, large.

    However, I see now that it is in the details.  The goal that I would like to attain now, need to attain, is no harm.  To bring back that softness, to relinquish some anger.  This is in the small things.  So as you said for the next month, the goal is not to help, but to do no harm.  I will attend to that by honoring the small steps, undertanding the daily changes, and understanding that the human condition is also based out of habit and patterns, and to change those, it takes the smallest steps.

    So yesterday, I came home from yoga, an intense class, came home, dehydrated, sweaty, starving.  A great recipe for potential disaster.  My husband was in the living room fixing something. Instantly My guilt radar goes off (wow he came home from work and went right to doing some more work, whereas I enjoyed myself) my guilt radar said CaliChica (CC) should help.

    Not because I really SHOULD, but it was guilt and anxiety talking.

    But I checked in with myself, am I trying to help?

    yes.

    Then abort.

    And in fact, I couldn’t really help he was doing a small task. And did I actually WANT to help? NO – I wanted to take a shower!

    So I did, I took a nice cooling shower, refreshed myself, went to the kitchen, ate a small snack (although dinner was close) to ensure I wasn’t ravenous and moody.  Sat down and was ready to approach my evening.  My husband and I talked about work and went on a walk (finally over 10 degrees here) and had a pleasant normal evening.

    So aborting this “need to help” by NOT sacrificing a basic thing I needed, food and shower – is key.  It is helping no none, it is just an anxious urge to do something to “help” out of guilt. And Do not jump to tasks when you are not replenished.

    And for now, do not jump to any tasks you don’t truly need to do – first and foremost do no harm.

     

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by Cali Chica.
    #276577
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    You did excellent yesterday after yoga, noticing the drive to help and aborting. I believe this step, this month of exercising this, aborting the drive to help and doing no harm is a game changer. I have faith in this very practice to make the big change in your mind and life.

    As I read your recent post I felt deep empathy and appreciation of you. I felt sorry that you have suffered so much and that there some more to come, but I also have faith in you being on the path and over time eliminating any and all unnecessary suffering and moving toward … who knows what’s there for you to take, to achieve,  to make happen by continuing your walk on the path, this here is milestone on the path, a major part of it. I am excited for you. Abort and refocus on do-no-harm.

    anita

    #276603
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you, I am excited too.  I do believe as you say “this here-within is the real work” IT is.  And I am DOING IT.

    Thank you for feeling deep empathy for me.  I appreciate you tremendously as well.

    I too feel sorry I have suffered, especially more recently.  BUT I also know one thing, that my gut/intuition is so incredible.  When I am suffering beyond the “norm” it is a huge blaring radar that something has to change. Whether it is:

    • someone has to go (out of my life)
    • some habit has to change
    • a delusion has to be attended to

    look here! you are suffering – take a look at your life! more likely than not, something has to be removed!

    This here is a milestone, thank you.  I hope to continue to share these steps on the path, baby steps of the milestone.

    Thank you for:

    I have faith in this very practice to make the big change in your mind and life.

    I too am working on having faith.

    #276609
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    You are welcome.

    “When I am suffering beyond the ‘norm’ it is a huge blaring radar that something has to change. Whether it is:

    * someone has to go (out of my life)

    * some habit has to change

    * a delusion has to be attended to”

    – worth repeating!

    anita

    #276611
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I am curious.  How many years have you been married?

    #276615
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    Officially and legally married, over eight years. Started dating almost ten years ago.

    anita

    #276617
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    That makes me smile a big smile.

    I am glad you have a great supporter.   I am glad that he acknowledges and appreciates your path.

    #276621
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    This may be a copy, as my post to you didn’t submit successfully a moment ago. I wrote there: thank you, Cali Chica.

    anita

    #276783
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Happy Friday.  It has been a productive week – we have come to great understanding for me.

    Last Friday I was truly suffering, plus combined with the bossy lady – it was terrible.  Funny how only 7 days passed and it is so different.  I know days like last Friday will arise again, and flow away, and ebb and flow.

    Today the bossy lady is acting exceptionally perky and nice – as they do – but I am seasoned now and knowledgeable of her ways.  I know how to stand up for myself, and most importantly, I will not be caught off guard – I saw her true colors – I know who I am working with.  Perhaps the first blow is when we expect someone to be kind and good, and they are not  Yet, when we see this and accept this – perhaps we are able to better process and deal.   Who knows.

    I had a pleasant evening with my husband.  It felt like normal.  It was normal

    #276789
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    Happy Friday for you too! A delightful post, above.

    I believe it is true, what you wrote: “the first blow is when we expect someone to be kind and good, and they are not. Yet, when we see this and accept this- .. we are able to better process and deal”. I will add to it: when we see this and accept this because we have to, because reality will not change if we reject it.

    Reality doesn’t accommodate our denials of it, our rejections of it, our wishing it wasn’t so, our fantasy, nope. Reality doesn’t care, it just is.

    I was fooled many times by a person nice behavior, then re-surprised by the return of the Rude, then fooled again.

    anita

    #276793
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I was fooled many times by a person nice behavior, then re-surprised by the return of the Rude, then fooled again.

    Yes, same.  So many times. For example by that “friend” N.  Because of it is 80/20 – 80 percent good (easy to overlook 20 bad) or 99 good (1 bad)

    It doesn’t matter – when the rude is rude – it doesn’t matter how bad it is – rude is rude.  Once they show us – it is up to remember.

    #276803
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Cali Chica:

    Yes, we better remember. There is a reason we have that feature, memory. It is amazing how human emotional needs and distress, when unchecked, deactivate our memories and our basic logic, so really we are truly fools much of the time.

    Less and less and then even less so when on the Path.

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 736 through 750 (of 1,634 total)

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